"Today's the day I walk away" I tell myself as I drive to work.
"Let it be over, and be happy" I repeat to myself.

I say these things to convince myself not to think of her, so i dont spend every waking second checking my phone for a lousy text from her, like It would be my honor to receive a reply.

"**** um, I dont care, I am happy" as I get half way though my depressing work day.

No text, still. It's about 30 minutes to punch out and im finally over her, iv accepted her not responding and by this time im so ****** that if she did respond, I wont even bother with it.

            PUNCH

I walk out the door to my car

vib vib  vib vib
             Check
"hey wanna come over?"

And like the ******* I am, I don't even think twice about it, I rush home to change, I rush over to see her.

Shes like my drug dealer, she knows how to cheer me up with any one of her moods as if they were a drug.

Problem is, after I leave I want more and more, and become more disappointed than I was before.

"Please just let it be over..." as I drive home to collect my thoughts and depression sinks in more. God im too stubborn to walk away.

As I scroll with the intent on reading beautiful poetry. I see nothing but people arguing with one another. Why is there so much hate and negativity. Hello Poetry is supposed to be a place where people can enjoy each others work. Relate to others, yet, I see constant arguing and assault. Please take it else where. It is unsettling. It is petty.

Your smell still lingers from the last time you kissed my lips.
Including the one between my hips.
Beads of our sweat still stain my shirt.
All of the memories continue to hurt.
I push you away.. I allow you to stay.
Why am I feeling this way?
Emotions racing throughout my body.
Wanting you by my side..
If only you hadn't of lied.
I feel so empty.
Our "relationship" was always unhealthy.
I lost myself trying to hold on to you.
I'm lost....
You still don't have a clue.

Being strong is hard
And it is not always smart
Miserable, you try to hide your hunger
All the while, you forgot yourself
Trying to preserve any dignity
You lost what you had of a personality
You lost the human in you
And because of this mistake,
When you dig yourself out
You'll be nothing but flesh
The life you saved will be nothing
Nothing but an empty canvas
With no paint with which to work
And your life will be dull,
Meaningless, as it drags on
Until the split second before you die
And in that frame of time,
You'll remember who you were
You'll remember everything
And you'll wish you had died in the hole

It's been a few weeks since I've been deprived of sleep.
I can't help but love being on the edge.
Your smell no longer lingers in my room.
I was sad at first, but now I feel nothing.
The next girl can't be me...
Oh God. Oh God.
What's wrong with me?
I still think about you.
You don't make this easy for me.
I need to drop a few tabs and leave this reality.

The warmth in your kiss is lost.
I thought maybe just maybe.. I could trust you again when I allowed that kiss.
Which lead to more than I entended.
Oh God, neither of us have regret, yet, you feel guilt.
"I love you, but you deserve better."
How my heart suddenly ached as I realized the words you spoke to be true.
All this time I wanted it to be you.
Almost two years..
Heartache and tears.
The gradual loss of heat I felt in your lips didn't prepare me for this.
Each lie and I felt a breeze between exchanging tongues.
Then your cold lips.
How I tried to keep the warmth.
I reached and I reached..
By the water was too deep.
I was beginning to drown.
Even so..
I kept going until the blood in me almost stopped flowing as a friend pulled me out.
How could I ever forget your cold lips?
The lips that I miss.