I lay next to him and I visualize your lips on my lips.
Our good morning kiss.
One of the things I miss.
I thought I could get over you breaking my heart
But
You're still here..
I just can't trust you.
But my God.. It doesn't mean I don't love you.
Trying to get over you but my heart won't.
Hands around my throat.
His arm wrapped around me.
What's happened to me.
Lingering emotions let me be.
Release me from your toxicity.

She apologizes even when she isn't at fault.
Used to accusations.
Apologies embedded in her head.
Now she always feels wrong.
Apologies to him due to his pain.
Hurting and being hurt.
Broken hearts breaking hearts.
Unintentional.
Another apology.
Sorry for hurting you even though I'm still hurting because of you.
That doesn't matter now does it?
Apology after apology.
I'm sorry you hurt me..
I apologized for my lack of trust.
Can these apologies cease.
Please.
For me at least.

Even though your words and actions tore me apart.
Parts of my heart cling to you longing for another start.
The thought of not speaking to you kills inside, yet, whenever we do speak you're always full of pride.
I'm beginning to lose my patience with you my dear old love.
How is it that you managed to make me the happiest and the saddest, but now all that's left are traces of internal damage.
Yet, I still love you.
I love the way you hurt me.
I love the memories we had.
I miss trusting you.
Why can't we go back to the way things were?
I'll never be her and I know that now.
Even so I still love you..
But..
I'm moving on now.

Another disagreement between us.
Love and Trust.
Which is more important you say?
You fail to realize they are equal as one.
"You can trust a friend and not love them."
But can you be in love with your partner and not trust them??
Another one of my opinions you shot down.
I know for a fact that Love and Trust are as one.
When you broke my trust..
It was only up until it was finally lost for me to fall out of love with you.
Even after I tried so hard to stay.
What is love without trust anyway?

I can feel my heart beating through my throat.
And when you chocked me it was the closest you've been to my heart in years.