My mother once said that falling in love was like playing with fire
She didn’t say that the match was in one hand and kindling in the other
Nor that the pyre was set and the ropes were bound
As a child, I couldn’t understand that sometimes a witch set the fire herself

The first time I fell in love, I learned that sometimes we are desperate to swim but are doomed to drown
That when they offer water at the alter it will turn to sand in our mouths

I quickly learned that it’s not possible to live with a sea or desert surrounding you
That it’s not possible to thrive when they bind your feet and turn gardens to wastelands

What my mother had told me was a cautionary tale
That sometimes a witch would seal her fate if careless

What she never told me was that a witch born again from the ashes would never burn again
That a witch once drowned would walk on water in the next life
Nor that barren wastelands could turn fruitful with the seed of hope

My mother told me a cautionary tale of love returned turned brittle, but not of the strength of self love
That by loving herself, a witch would return anew and find happiness and a love returned grown strong

So we burn and drown and watch gardens waste away, and then

We rise, we swim, and we bloom

The first time I loved and lost
The wound bled so much I cauterized my own heart
Blended pain with pain and hoped maybe I would turn numb to it all
First loves always hurt the worst

The second time I loved and lost
The ridges of my scars scared me
Id run my fingers along their gruesome edges and realized that I would never be beautiful and unblemished again
Second loves leave the worst scars

The third time I loved and lost
I went to war
Hid those scars beneath armor, pierced my blade into my lover’s chest
Retreated into the dark abyss and told myself  that this was growth - I survived.
Third loves leave carnage behind

The fourth and final time I loved and lost
He handed me a flower from the garden
Ran his hands through my unruly curls
And called those ugly scars of mine art
In this story, I lost to a man who loved me first

My armor sat collecting dust for years, and even if it wasn’t my happily ever after, I learned to plant peace instead of war

Fourth loves leave only flowers

we were not fire and ash,

passion so raw we swallowed 
the sun.
we were not ruin and madness,

tear stained faces twisted 
into angry masks.
we were like summer rain -

peaceful and calm;

long days staying in bed 
just to trace constellations in your eyes
and I may not have watched the world burn to have you,

but that doesn’t mean I love you any less.

She didn't know how or why,
but lately there was a fire she couldn't quell
burning in depths of her mind.

It started as an ember , small and fragile -
a single breath, and the light goes out.

Somewhere along the way it has become much larger.
The blood in her veins boiling, the warmth in her eyes
no longer kindling.

She supposes all humans have a breaking point -
an edge, an abyss - one step too far and you'll fall into core of the earth.

Sometimes when the fury tries to swallow her whole, she stomps out the light.
Those times, her body turns to ash and her mind is a soot covered tomb - a graveyard of skeletal memories and charred dreams.

But sometimes, when she welcomes the burn, her body becomes a temple and the fire becomes a great beast -
a guardian that lashes at those who cause her harm and howls in worship at the inferno in her veins.

At night in the mirror, the beast will stare out at her with red eyes and a violent smile.

More and more often, she finds her self smiling back

to the monster inside my head
i forgive you for those things you said
i was the one who hurt me most
i was the one who hurt me first

to the monster inside my head
why can't you be my friend instead
you've been with me since i was young
you'll be with me after i'm gone

to the monster inside my head
today's the day i'll find you dead
i'll lay some flowers upon your grave
and when you're silent i'll know i'm safe

to the monster inside my head
i've chosen to be happy instead
i'll love myself and i'll live well
i'll say goodbye and leave this hell

to the monster inside my head
may you find some peace instead

The stars are burning
Always burning

I sigh
Paradise on my lips
Heaven in your eyes

I dream of moonlight
And call it love