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Colleen R Sep 2019
Summer-blue skies and a warm breeze, nostalgia heavy in the air with all my fondest memories of love and youth.

On the tip of my tongue is a promise of things to come, sweet and sour like ice cold lemonade.

One sip too many and it will taste like pain.

Beautiful, unyielding, clear night skies;
a night without a meteorite to wish upon or moonlight to guide the way.

Endless seas of unreachable stars and light, bittersweet and haunting.

The ache of your hand on my heart and the weight of yours in mine.
Colleen R Sep 2019
i was thirteen the first time i told you i loved you
it came out more of a question than a statement
because i was young and really, what did i know of love
but i believed it, i did

i was fifteen the next time i told you i loved you
but there were salted trails leaving uncomfortable truths on my face
you didn't believe me then and who could blame you,
i didn't believe myself either

i was eighteen the first time i thought i meant it
i was happy and whole and i was so, so free
the world was new and shiny and the past was behind me
so, like a flash of summer rain, i yelled it to you with all the joy of my youth

i was nineteen when the summer rain turned to floods and i swallowed the words alive
ugly, twisted vines wove their way through my carefully manicured gardens
ripping through the flowers and seeping sickness into everything they touched
i didn't love you then, i couldn't, i was broken and i was angry
and i was burning red

i was twenty five the next time i tried to say it
i wanted to mean it, i did, but even you could tell i was lying
i had spent years weeding all the thorns from my garden, begging the flowers to grow
and even though they were finally blooming, their roots were shallow

i am twenty seven when i tell you i love you now
i mean it now, like i've always meant it, even when i thought i didn't
it's not a perfect statement, it was hard to bring myself to say before your gaze, but i did it
looking at my reflection in the mirror, there's a smile on your face as you finally, finally say it back
Remember to love yourself passionately, unapologetically, and as early as you can
Colleen R Sep 2019
In the stillness of your love, I write myself a gentle ending.

I didn’t believe in happily ever after, but now I don’t have to.

I believe in you, instead.
Colleen R Aug 2019
how is it possible to love the world so deeply
yet the hate the me who experiences it?

in the darkness of my mind i fall deeper and deeper
down into the shadows and then, once my feet hit the bottom,
i ricochet upwards, gasping for air

it's like a game to see how long i can stay under
and still return to the surface to breathe
a dangerous game of chicken that will have to end someday

i stare at the sun but cast my shadow as far back as possible
the higher i go, the less likely i'll survive the fall
the deeper i swim the less likely the sea in my mind will let me go
Colleen R Jun 2019
under a gold sun you dream about the future
there's a road before you that continues after the horizon blurs it's path
you wonder if you made the right choice, if you were supposed to come this way
but you couldn't turn around if you wanted to
the paths you left behind wouldn't be there any more

there's a map that's meant only for you to fill
and you fill it with all it's dead ends and sharp turns and broken bridges
you wonder if there was an easier way as the unforgiving sun beats down upon you
you wonder if there was a path that was filled with trees and flowers

under an endless sky you find  your footing
there's a cracked earth beneath your feet but you see the weeds coming through
you begin to see their likeness in your self, your roots are deep and your will to live deeper
and so you grit your teeth and though your shoes are worn, you feel lighter in step

there's an ocean at the end of the road that's more beautiful than you'd ever seen
maybe it's blue and maybe it's not, but you bury your hands in the sand as the waves reach out to greet you, beckon you to follow
there's salt in the air and you know if you drink the water you'll drown
so you sit back and let your aching feet heal in the coolness of it's embrace

when you open your eyes it's to a gentle rain
in the distance there's a storm just off the horizon but the wind is carrying it far away
there's a desert behind you and a different kind of desert before you, but here you're safe
here you've found the end of the road that you'd begun years before
map gently folded beside you filled with anecdotes of the stories that led you here

there's a boat tie to the shore by a single pier with only a small sail and a life preserver to offer
but it whispers to you in your sleep that it's ready for adventure
you look to the stars and see the next map in it's constellations, the next course you need to take
but your feet have healed under the cool embrace of the maybe blue sea and there's hesitation in your heart as you feel the presence of that long distant storm past the waters before you

the next time you open your eyes it's maybe blue surrounding you
there's wind in your hair and a blank canvas before you
you look at the stars and remember that golden sun you looked at when dreaming of the future
with pen in  your hand, you dip your hand into that maybe blue and drink from the sea that saved you once
the rumble of the storm is distant but you know you'll be able to face it when it comes
you drink from the sea, but you do not drown
Poem is about journeying from youth into young adult and reaching the point of heading towards true adult hood. never stop wandering!
Colleen R Jun 2019
you love a boy who doesn't love you back
your bones become bleached under a relentless sun
but you whisper to your heart that it's fine
you've never loved the rain

you love a boy who doesn't love you back
and you wonder what it's like to born with a green thumb
the flowers in  your soul seem to wither and die
there's no life blooming in an endless winter

you love a boy who doesn't love you back
you throw down the shovel after burying your latest truth
you want to say you're sorry but it was necessary
you were bound to miscarry anything but a lie

you love a boy who doesn't love you back
and you let it destroy you
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