I’m told that everyone needs a lover
someone who saves you from yourself
without your other half, you are incomplete

I’m told that everyone needs a lover
though love for people is overrated
pouring love into something human is terrifying
hands that hit and legs that run
eyes that command me to offer love that was meant for myself

when i could feel his love washing away
i remember seeing pieces of myself melt along with it
pockets of my coat still smelled like him
all my songs were intertwined with his voice


I’m told that everyone needs a lover
I need not to have my heart dragged across the country
when a lover leaves with no goodbye kiss
i sat in silence for a week

I’m told that everyone needs a lover
they may know the constellation of my moles
but they will never feel
the spark I feel when a storm rolls through
these tenuous connections were never meant
to hold me upright
like marionette strings

I am my very first lover
I'm a hurricane of a girl but that doesn't make me a disaster
I'm not chasing anyone, I am running to feel my feet slap the pavement
I scale buildings, roll through gaps in fences
I am kissed by barbed wire,
for the sake of a better view
I **** in oxygen and bellow out carbon dioxide
claiming immortality until proven otherwise


these skinned knees and bruised elbows
do not show a beaten girl
freedom gave me some hickies
and i don't feel like hiding them from anyone

they see me as broken glass
for someone to fix
but I was never meant to be a vase
they see me as a hazard because i cut their soft hands
but i know that i am a ******* mosaic

Your body is a map and I have red pins in my heart
Who said distance is easy?
When I cry rivers that I can't sail into your arms, my brain turns into a multifunctional machine to develop new ways of feeling less empty when I only hear your voice through my headphones.

I think to myself, has this got no end?

I only long for your sweet smile coming across me not separated by a screen and thousands of miles
I only long for your arms as you cradle me, I as a small bird looking for warmth and peace
I only long for what I already have but cannot seem to reach, like a vision, or a dream

You are the bright stain that overlooks all the other dark parts in me
Nature would bow in glory to how beautiful your soul is
You are as far away as wishes upon a star and I am as hallow as the ones that fall
I cannot contain the dreadful silence and the loneliness that comes after your voice is gone and I am left to face the world alone

Tell me, has this got no end?

Bruises around my heart that long to be cured by your hands are turning into a masterpiece
What do you call it when you miss someone so much it hurts to remember their scent?
What do you call it when you crave something you've never had to begin with?
How can love be so painful yet so wonderful?
I wonder if in years I will be smiling in your arms, kissing your beautiful lips or crying on my bathroom floor holding one of the only physical evidence that you once indeed existed

Are you only in my head?

You will never know
The peace of acceptance
Once you are finished
Put to earth
Life was harsher than the dirt
Parents made you feel worthless
Cause you wanted to wear a short dress
Because you felt different
Cut off
Disowned
Disavowed
One friend after another disappears
And no one hears
The sobs
No one feels the salty tears
No one holds your hands
Or offers you a hug

You were ******
By the those who demand
You conform
Where there was no  warmth
The clock cuts you bitterly
Condemning you to be lonely
And I cry all the more
Knowing you won’t be the only one
Not the only daughter wanting to be a son
Not the only male that wants to be female
Not the only soft face harden
Or hard face softened till the sorrow overflows
Till everyone you know closes the door
And you disappear forever more

The howling winds rage
Bending the backs of all those
Who get in it's way

Tree limbs held aloft
In a crazed mexican wave
They yield to wind's will.

Angry waters churn
Brilliant blue to gloomy grey
Smashing upon rocks.

Watching from windows,
Spare a moment's thought for those
Who reside outside

If he were to write for me
It would probably go
"I love my wife.
She is my life.
The end."
But I see the poems for me in his eyes.
That'll do for me.