one
ordinary
paper
butterfly
that
walk
upon
rice paper
with
pink cotton
candy wings
and
said
don't
you worry
about a thing

Relapse and rewind
This happens every ******* time.
I've been neglecting the drugs,
The ones that were supposed to save me.

They only make it worse
Make me feel more crazy.
But when the time comes
Where my tide breaks
I cannot hold my ground.
The monsters come to me
With deafening sound.

Whispers from malevolent lips
Sound so sweet.
Like candy for my starving soul.
And soon I'm on that sugar high.

Rushing cherry red
It's got such a lovely flavor.
Feeds my hunger
Satisfies my thirst.

It won't be long
Before I'm back for more.

I hold my tears
As I fall into you
Your arms so inviting
Your heart out of reach

I let myself dream
That you have always been
The one
For me

I know
That when the sun rises
You will push me away
Once more

And I will fall back

Back into you
And endless loop

I will never be enough
And I will always
Fall

i.

the inventor of ear muffs
slipping from his mother
to duck beneath the belly
of a carousel horse

his mother with her cotton candy
and his
pressed to her cheeks
calling

as he covers his ears

his name

ii.

the inventor
of the time machine
unbeknownst
to many
or

to all
save his best friend

the inventor
of real time

a murderous fellow
famously
early

i want to tell a story about the colors in the trees.

i want to tell you about the quaking in my hands.

i want you to know where the rain falls,
how the crashing voices
sound like waves in the night time,
tugged tides tied to the moon
like a leash to a dog.

i want to give you something to regret.

i want you to recall how i, in all of my
innocence and passion
fell over you
(in concentrated lust
but also romance)
on that day in late may,
how you held
my bare body against yours
how in that moment
i remembered nothing but skin and skin
and
skin, nothing
but firsts,
but blessings
but

i want you to wonder how the holy swallow their love.
(i have confirmed, they do it like one would pomegranate seeds- with their eyes shut, but you wouldn't know)

i want you to believe you lost a good thing.
there's love grown in my belly the way
i was told watermelon patches would when
i was young and didn't
know any better.

i want to say that i didn't know you would destroy me.
that the rips under my skin were a shock
the ice-pick to my heart was unexpected.

i want to say something
but all that comes out is
i'm sorry
not knowing what i'm sorry for.