Old men know
As much about
Love as the
Fifty-one shades
Of our gray hair.

Riding past this house on the left
on County Rd. 109,
Pops, my best friend, ( I will introduce you (later in this series)),
tells me about this woman who lived there. Every time we go by.
I guess we went by there at least ten times last  week.
The way he tells the story , (1000 times now),
she had this pit bull, trained for her protection.
He said she bragged how, on her command,  her dog would ****.
I guess that made her feel protected.
Then one night, as he tells it, she walked by his (the pit bull's) food dish.
He ate her.

Goliath never
Praised his wife,
Never said
He loved her.
He came up short
Of his intent,
She felt more worthy,
Had to vent,
So stole off from
The Philistine camp,
Crossed the sands
Like a vamp,
To join Israelites
Preparing
For the final fight.

A challenge
Came
From the Giant,
To send out one
To die defiant.
David rose
In shepherd's clothes,
Goliath's wife
Lay near.
When David reached
For shield and spear,
She handed him
A bra.
Her over the shoulder
Boulder holder
Had Philistines guffaw.
Her Double D's,
Once there to please,
Brought Goliath
Grovelling
To his knees.
He lopped off
Goliath's head,
Enjoyed the same
Back in bed.

The lesson taught?

It doesn't matter,
Tall or not,
Be sure to
Tell your wife
She's hot!

It's perfectly okay to be boring, uninspired, and vapid;
just don't get all jealous when someone who's fun and interesting shows up.

Your horoscope reads very well
But your life does not.

He motioned for her to take her place on the back.
He braced himself steady as she slid herself onto the rack.
Once she had settled, he handed her his gunny sack,
He told her keep it safe as he tackled the offbeaten track.

The night was quiet, save for the crickets chirping in unison
Hiding behind the clouds, the moon gave out a dim ominous glow.
The tapper finally felt a tiny sliver of trepidation
He wasn't sure of the outcome, that night would eventually show.

The whole time, he was thinking in his busy little head...
He tried to devise ways to thwart this playful, mischievous being.
But those thoughts of his were quickly derailed instead.
For her perfumed presence was very much intoxicating.

Soon they had arrived at the foot of the hill
He hastened his pedalling to meet the uphill *****.
He would have continued slamming on the pedals until...
He felt her hand on his shoulder clench into a tight *****.

He tilted his head back towards his beautiful passenger.
In a calm manner he mouthed the words asking, "What's the matter?"
Her voice came right after in a nervous stammer,
*"Would you mind slowing down because last night this was where I had fallen over..."

On my bookshelf
There is a stuatue
Of a monkey
With wire-rim glasses
Reading,
Looking
Like Rodin's Thinker.
I don't know who
The sculptor is,
But he's guilty
Of Identity Theft.

sEnd
                              tHe                moNEy:

              *TRY!          ­   noTHiNg                         funnY!

    othEr     wIsE                               ,tHE

                   "poEt"                                          **DIES?

He is the prankster of cold,
He has a frozn touch but a
heart warmer than the sun,

He loves the smiles that his
Touch brings, upon those that
Love the flakes that fall from above.

He is a true friend to those
children that believe, that
When jack frost arrives, there
Is nothing but cold fun.

Not poetry, just reminiscing

When I came out of the army in 1985 after serving for 24 years I settled in the county of Suffolk where my first wife came from

Suffolk with old fashioned ideas and old fashioned views. In fact unless you had been resident for at least 20 years some of the villagers still classed you as an outsider.

Anyway I decided to get an allotment (not sure what you call them in the U S) so that I could grow my own vegetables.

Just across from me was the plot rented by Allen, 70 going on a hundred years old. I never did find out. Anyway it was early spring and I stood there scratching my head when Allen wandered over

" What's up boy" he said

I explained that I was new to the area and new to growing vegetables and wasn't to sure about when to start getting seed into the ground

He looked at me with those timeless eyes and said

"Sit bare arsed on the ground boy and if your **** still ain't cold after 10 minutes then that'll be the time to sow"