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 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
The worst nightmare
was never being paralyzed in the middle of my sleep
nor waking up with blood-stained bed sheet
in the middle of the night.

The worst nightmare goes like this - just tonight
I tried to fall asleep hoping it's quicker -
and perhaps easier than falling apart - than tears falling down my
        cheeks
But still wake up just to cry in memory of her.

I wanted to return from the start
when I wasn't too honest
I want her to realize
just how much she means to me.

I wished she knew the sacrifices I made
that sealed my fate
I wish she knows what punishment I await
because I did this for her sake.

I know you already like someone else
Yet despite this fact
And despite denying you to myself every single day
nothing hurts more than lying to myself knowing I can't stop these
          feelings for you.

The saddest thing is that could have been me
perhaps if I wasn't too honest and didn't put my chance on the line
But this is the way I love - the way the Lord taught me to love
Strengthen my resolve, and love with all my heart no matter the
          cost, no matter the risk, no matter the return, no matter the
          pain.

But more than anything else if I must receive spare change,
I wish she knows I love her...
I loved her
love her and
will always love her...
I have always love her and forevermore I will - no matter the cost,
          risk, pain, return - this is what binds me to God, the way He
          loves me and the way I love as He taught me.

Even if my love goes not reciprocated,
Honestly, it was when I met you that I guess I really started breathing

I have always love you and I always will because a world without you is a world not worth living.

I love you "Circle".
Nightmares
-Jean Lewis
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
8
An eighth
lettered
literary

Value you
I want you
I like you
I need you
I love you

Also true
You hate I...
8
-Jean Lewis
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
The worst nightmare
is not a dream
that makes you cry
and ends when you wake up
but it is where you have to
wake up from bed everyday
feeling like crying
missing someone
and literally
living everyday as a nightmare
and only ends when you die.
Nightmare #2
-Jean Lewis
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
God is the game master
I am the Chess player
I play the King and just like anybody else
I too am afraid to loose my most valuable piece - my queen.

She taught me, a demon, two things...
How to smile and how to cry.
Chess
-Jean Lewis
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
Ek Het Jou Lief
Se agapo
Je T'aime
Ich Liebe Dich
Ik Hou Van Je
Ti Amo
Te Amo (mi amor)
Wo Ai Ni
Saranghaeyo
Aishiteru
I love you
Mahal kita
the 15th stanza of the 14th
-Jean Lewis
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
I love you, Keziah.
Heart
-Jean Lewis
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
What you think is my anger,
truth is I'm just scared to talk to you... because I don't know what to say and I know I'm not worth it. In fact, I spend every night thinking about you typing something on the chat but ending up to delete because I'm too scared anyway...

What you think is pride,
I am just too uncertain on what to tell you for you to perhaps find and for me to understand the 'interesting' you once called me. Deep inside, I know I'm boring and I just don't want to hurt you.

What you think sloth,
it is my commitment to try to understand what it means to be an average person living in fear of quizzes, grades, hoping to pass, and doing my best to graduate.

What you think is gluttony,
well to be honest I just really love eating...

What you think is jealousy,
I know I'm not perfect and many others will appeal more to you or look much more ideal than I am. So what you think is jealousy is for me simply afraid of loosing you.

What you think is greed,
none of this I have ever kept for myself. But, I shall spare you the details because you might just pity me.

What you might think lust,
perhaps more accurate if you say creepy or annoying, is what I call concern and care.

I like you
I value you, and
I love you.
My 'sins'
-Jean Lewis
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
One day you'll realize, that for you I am always there...

I wish to promise you forever,
but now you're the reason why my world is over
when happiness I shall meet never
and why my heart never gets any better?

True love will not meet me at my best
but she'll meet me when I'm a mess.
Love was never about a no or a yes;
it is staying by your side even if I knew it is hopeless.

I'm sorry if I'm not perfect
I'm sorry if I'm not pure of heart
I'm sorry for being a letdown, for letting a lot of people down
I'm sorry for doing this not because of friendship, but because of
       love
I am sorry for being me and that I am me.
"Thinking at 7 on Saturday Morning (March 10, 2018)" was the original title, but giving this a new title - "Crying."
-Jean Lewis
March 10, 2018

Notes:
I think it's high time I put this up. (June 15) Otherwise, I'd be so dramatic back then... I wrote this crying my heart out. Hahahahahahaha
.............
I miss her.
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
It all started with a simple “Hi”
Then developed with a heartfelt smile
Like? Am I seeing it in your eyes?
And that hug? It lasted a long while…

Math: found x, yet I’m looking for you
English: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRST… VWXYZ… Yes, I really did miss “U”
Science: Neither Einstein nor Hawking has a clue
CLE: Even God knows it’s true…
I really do love you…

I stretch my hand, take it, come with me
I promise, you’ll always be happy
I’ll teach you what it means to be free
You’re the only girl I ever see…

Wish it, I shall lay waste to the best
Name it, I’ll make haste at your behest
Your will be done, though the heavens fall
A chevalier at your beck and call.

In time, I knew you might feel the same
However, these were all such a shame
It may have been easy to say “Hi”
But, she’s even quicker to say bye…
I am finally at my wits end
Guess… we can only ever be friends…
Romantic Relationship (first poem)
- Jean Lewis
December 04, 2017 (my foresight is always accurate HAHAHAHA)
12-Acquaviva, ASHS
  In the honor of a rain with 6 drops for a name...
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
Adrift the sea
sails a message in a bottle
A method be chosen
for I who no longer
can muster courage
to spew words
from this tongue of mine.

We may no longer speak
but rest assured
I still call you friend
Regardless if you
Call or treat me as one.

Truth be told
Even if I am no
part of it
My heart is glad
that you have now found
the happiness
that I wished to offer
yet always failed to give.

Sure am I that fate
be blamed
that we met,
meet and will meet,
and destiny be intertwined
on these points.

However, perhaps hands
never joined
for you are a resident
of the light
whilst I a dweller
of the night.

May this find you
in good health
as it carries
my goodwill.
I also wish to
express my praise
for what you achieved
and whatever you
shall find undertaking.

I shall no longer
bring up relics
of the past
as I have left them
and have decided
to continue to grow.

Nevertheless, while I
mingle in the shadows
I am always ready
to stretch out my hand.
But remember that
you must ask
so I may know,
then you shall receive.

For now I withdraw,
Naught I say goodbye
rather saying that
while I make my
presence scarce
I am always here for you.

In the darkest night
When there is no light
In the loneliest hour,
When everyone’s afar
And on that second
I will be there to hold your hand
To tell you its
too early to give up
And too late to quit
To keep you going
And fighting the current
Remember,
I am and will always
be here for you.

May you find
yourself blessed,
may luck find
you in her favor,
may my goodwill come
your way and
may this find you
in the best of health.


Wishing you
happiness forevermore…
May This Find You in Good Health
Jean Lewis
May 29, 2018
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
A Gift
Given in hundreds of ways
Wrapped in thousands of forms
And given for a million reasons
From one to many
Many to one
Or even one to one
Perhaps it is the best gift
That I can ever hope to give.

Ironic enough,
A giver who gives this
Consequently, receives the same.
And the receiver who receives this
Hopes to give the same.
Lucky is the messenger
Who made
Both feel the same,
For he shall partake
Of a gift the same.

It brings a smile
To the teary-eyed
Gives some vigor
To the droopy ear
Has a comforting pat
To those who are down
And a warm tight hug
To those freezing in pain.

It sometimes come as warm,
But never cold
However, most of the time
Taken for granted.
But realizing its true value
Only when it’s given
Some thought and thanks.

Some offer it as warm cup of coffee
On a cold rainy day
Sometimes a cup of Earl Grey
To the old and desolate
And even a chilled glass of milk
To the young and vibrant.
However, again it is not measured
In cups nor glasses
In chocolates nor doughnuts
Naught in roses nor rain droplets
Neither in the moon nor the horizon
For it is far greater and more valuable
Than any of these.

Then again, it can also be a luggage
That the limp can carry
Or a language
That the mute can speak
Or a word
That the deaf can hear
And definitely a beauty
That the blind can see.

Its teacher is pain
And its lover is risk

Its father is Innocence
And its mother is Love
Its brother is Kindness
And its sister is Care

Finally, its offspring
Never fails to give
Comfort and Warmth
Let her name be Smile

And this is what I wish to give you
My gift be called happiness
From Me to You…
Jean Lewis
May 29, 2018
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
can YOU heAR my quiEt screaMs?
or perhaps an unspoken voice?
have You ever seen dRy tEArS?
Or simply deaf and bliNd by choice?

mIne is a sMile full of grIef,
eyeS So bright yet empty indeed.
mY dull life once set adrift
lost a sOUl found yet filled with greed.

but i'm PLEASEd as i drink some wine
Spare the fArce and ViE for your Might.
trust thE words that says I'M fine
Don't worrY everythING's alright.

I CAre NoT if you're wiTh him
and for your sAKE, i will rejoice
for my Lord hears sooTHIng hymnS
MY HEART, that sIngs a siLent nOiSE.
a pain calm like the storm
-Jean Lewis
May 20, 2018

Challenge: Hope you find the hidden message... well it's not exactly hidden its just in a different "case"

I miss her so **** bad.
 Jul 2018
Jean Lewis
Jesus said, "Simon... Son of Jonah!"
And Peter answered, "Y-Yes Lord...?"
Yeshuah then asked, "Do you Love Me..."
"... More than the others do?"
Peter answered, "Y-Yes Lord... Lord You know that I love You..."
The Lord asked, "Do you Love Me?"
the rock answered, Yes, Lord... You know I Love You."
.
.
.
"Do you... Love Me?"
"Yes! Lord... You know everything... You... You know that I Love You."
*(Notes: Reference)


And if you ask me, "Do you love me?"
I'll answer, "Yes, I do."
"Do you love me?"
"Yes, I really really do love you."
"Do you love me?"
"Yes, I do... love you."

Seconds passed, since you were last on my mind
Just hours passed, since I last thought of how you are doing
Days passed, since we last talked
Even weeks passed, so long a time
And months passed, since I last saw you
How long has it been?

Yet, not a day passed when you weren't on my mind
Not a moment passed when I didn't miss you
Naught a time passed, nor a single second, whence I can deny you.

The times may change
And I may have changed
But one thing did not change...
I am sure of
No, not in the slightest bit
It never did
And it never will.

"Do you love me?"
"Yes,... I do... love you."
I did love
I still do love you
I am in love with you
I love you
I really do love you
I always did
And I forevermore, always, will love you.

I am not sure, of that point of no return
I doubt that exists for me
You may feel me less now or even none at all
But, I assure you I am always there by your side
Because, "Baby if you say you want me to stay"
"I'll change my mind."

Ti Amo Murasaki Rozu Zutto, Zutto, Eien ni...
Notes:
The first stanza is a conversation between Peter and Jesus. It is taken from the Manga Messiah and one of the inspirations for this poem.
The last quoted line is from "Change My Mind" - by One Direction.

Days, How Long has it been?
- Jean Lewis
June 20, 2018
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