The world
She tried to break me
But she just broke me in

It had been a long time since she had struggled to fall asleep
Her poor brain though to much of things that did not belong in her head
Things she had not thought in a while
Her heart was sore and her spirit weary
But her eyes so wide open they were like the wings of a hawk
Though she did not feel much like flying
She was low.
Not as low as she had been before, but still there she was, laying in the ground.
I will caution you, a heart is a delicate thing to hold.
Even more delicate to keep it in your chest, for many will try to rip it out of its cage.
There is life, and light even among the darkest of deaths, and truth in the boldest face lies.
Yet you do not return to me as you were before.
Innocent.
Though I am the same, I am pulled.
In the same direction as I have been many times before.
Yet this time I do not struggle, for the same wind blows against different sails and the same flames fuel the fires that did mine.
We are the same, but not one.
And I am sorry, that that is allowed.
Because the water held by the bucket could so easily quench the thirst; and the oars could just as quickly bring the boat to a different shore.
A lass that is not the way things are, nor the way they have ever been, as they should be.

You have been found lacking.

This is as torturous
As waiting for you to decide
You put the cart before the horse
And still you hold the reigns

All the weight is unbalanced
And the threads are coming undone
You blame me, like acid
I feel your lies burn into my face

Teach me to be independent
But how dare I have thoughts
That contradict with such a small mind
And my thoughts to large

I cannot tell if you are lying
Because your words don't complete
Even the sentence they claim
All the words like a verbal suicide

Phone calls and connections
Unmarked cop cars and social workers
A family, with one warrior
And she fights, still she fights

She was all grown up
By the time she hit the age of 9
A child? An angel?
But no one spared the rod

She left when she could
Still you tried to follow
But only fools go
Where heroes set their steps

You carry flames on your tongue
It is no wonder you spit fire
But I think you a fool
To expect me to quench your thirst

I cling to you
As though you were
The edge of a cliff
And all below me
Such a great distance
If I were to fall

I wish to let go
Of this ledge
At the same time
I grasp at it
For all that I am

These thoughts run
Through my head
Like sirens in the night
But never reaching me in time

I have no sure footing
Not a single leg
That I can stand upon
Oh how weak I am
In spirit and in stamina

What is this life
That I hold on
Why even try to stay
In such a ethereal existence
I am but a fool

My mind is filled
With everything that I loath
These memories that trace
Their stupid scars across my mind
Over and over
Like a beaten path

Only thorns.
You cannot claim roses
In this garden of rocks
In this garden of thoughts.
And oh the weeds
That you would pull them up
By their stubborn roots

Such a tangle is this
My life
My head
My heart
Like a sweater cast off the needles
I unravel
I am undone
All my efforts in vain
Again I say
I am but a fool
But a wise one at that

If I could make stars
I would not put them
In the northern sky
I would hold them in my hands,
For you to see such thing
Because if I cannot give it to you
I do not want such a thing

If you are not part of it
I want no part

Still as a small child
Oh though,
she had the biggest of hearts
To match her wide eyes
And to her
All the earth was wondrous
Yet appearances have great deception

Now she cannot,
Even see the same light
Her heart was touched
By cold, dark hands
Her body broken
By those sworn to protect it

And lies
So many lies
She them keeps woven in her hair
And under her fingernails

She sleeps with both eyes open
Or not at all

She walks with both feet
Upon the ground
But never with her head
In the clouds

And a knife strapped to her fear
To stab at her thoughts
As they try to run away

But into the night
She whispers,
"Do you know what it is like?
To watch yourself die?
To have little pieces of yourself  broken off and throw away?
And still make everyone believe that you are, okay.

I'm fine.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was sitting upon your shoulders? Because those who are meant to carry the weight, pushed it off, onto the frail shoulders of a child.

Have you seen it?

Have you felt it?
The hollowness inside, when everything that brought you fires of joy ... dims like a candle to long in it's burning."

Because I have.
I know many secrets.
I have traced them into my skin
Which is why,
Now.
I cannot forget them.

They are a part of me
This is why
I cry every night to sleep
Such a salty sentiment

But there is no rest for the weary

What is familiar to us we hold most dear
The dying warmth in the fireplace that was our love
Oh how quickly we forget to add the kindling
To soon does the light fade on either side of your nose
Still you look into the night, searching
For that which you know, but have never had
You grasp for life with your barren hands
Yet it slips through your fingers as if it was made of water
For the flow of life is fickle and who can know it's course
Silent and serpentine these dreams pass
Through my sheets and on into the night
What poor unfortunate sinner do they seek next
I am all I have ever said, and I do not speak well of the dead
Your words are knives pulled from a mouth of swords
Your eyes are fire pulled from hells firy columns
Still you light my way, I am a fool to follow
But this is familiar, to my old soul
She who has scorned you, still calls your name
Never should she have even know it, but fools live and die
You must not answer, still you do,
but fools live and die
For you long for what is familiar to you
She  will follow, with the lust of her hands
To seek us in a place that no man knows
For where can that be, is it the garden
From whence God cast his children
Is it the sky, where Orion was scythed by his children
Or still yet the dessert where no water is found
Still now I see it, yet I do not know
For is it where none can ever go
Is is your heart , within your self
You live there, and die there, and can never get out
For you know this place, but do not even know yourself