I didn’t notice myself changing—
until I did.
One day,
my laugh didn’t echo the same.
My eyes
stopped believing as quickly.

Childhood slipped off
like a sweater in summer
quietly,
forgotten on a chair.

Dreams I swore I’d chase
now gather dust
in unopened folders
and fading notebooks.

The mirror grew honest.
My knees, less kind.
Time,
less patient.

I miss how time once felt—
limitless.
Like I could waste it
and it would wait for me.

Now,
every birthday feels like
a sigh I didn’t mean to let out.

But here I am—
still unfolding,
still becoming,
even if it’s slower now.

Because youth doesn’t vanish,
it just leaves quietly,
with soft hands
and no apology.

I feel a little bit lost today, wandering through the passages of my mind i got stuck in an alley way.
I sat trembling staring at what i have left of you. Sweet Precious memories i don’t often sift through.
Because there i get caught in the aged sun faded edges of what we had. A lifetime of love moments, treasures, the good and the bad.
A million times i ache as i yearn for your comfort your advice. no need to pretend you knew the I’m fine lies.
What would you think, what would you say? Im so sorry i wasted so many of our days.
I wish i could hear your voice, feel one more warm embrace. See the unconditional love shining from your face.
I mourn the moments you should have shared. The grandchildren who should have known that much love and care.
Someone who always showed up, who loved you even when you were wrong. It doesn’t seem right that the days just keep moving along.
So here i sit surrounded by the memories and it makes me sway. I just feel a little bit lost today….

not perfect, not loud.
but the kind of love that lets you be.
they'll see the mess inside you,
and love you anyway, just like the sea.

they won't need you to shrink or perform,
they'll love the way you're soft and torn.
they'll call you beatiful-not just "hot"-
see your heart, and all it's not.

they won't run when things get hard,
or hide when you're left feeling scarred.
they'll listen when you need to speak,
stay when you're strong and when you're weak.

you'll never have to guess or chase,
they'll show up in the darkest place.
they'll be the trust you've always lacked,
the hands that pull you from the black.

they won't complete you-
but with them, you'll feel whole.
someone who sees your soul.

and when they love you,
you'll know it's real.
not because they say it,
but because they feel.

Burn me, drown me, take me down
A Flaming Phoenix, I’ve been around
Uproot, transplant, a new me is found
Cut me, crush me, I rise from the ground

Mistake not this fire for a coal black soul
These colorful flames are brilliant & whole
My talons and wings don’t think to control
If passion is sin, I go to Sheol

Shackle me back with those chains I wore?
I won’t scream, bite or claw, but spread wings & soar
I tried to love his cold ash before
That grit in my mouth I’ll suffer no more

Moved twenty times by sweet 16
Learned young to breathe through the in-between
Grey ashes taught how to blaze & gleam
From that dungeon I ascend as Queen

I took for granted everything,
colors of every hue.
I didn’t know those colors
filled my world because of you.
 
So, like the fool I am
I let you go, too blind to see
that on my own I am just alone
and things turned out to be
 
where colors slowly slipped away,
the yellows, greens and blues.
And now the only color left…
is the memory of you.