There was a garden of un-thorned red roses
protected by un-imaginable silvery- pink cages
fenced behind the stony stretched
rib-like walls
they said fumigation on roots and petals are necessary

but he took my hands and handed me a lit-ciggerate..

Eyelids drop like guillotine blades
Cutting off a visual connection with reality
The world falls into the vastness of a bottomless basket
And the body becomes unimportant
As this energy that was once somebody moves on to what's next

©2024

You said we were destined
You said we were meant to be
You said I took away
Your misery

Now you say
I give you misery
Now you blame
Everything on
Me

Never holding yourself accountable
Always breaking my heart
Calling me names
Watching me fall apart

Watching us
Fall apart

I wish I could drink the pain away
So I didn't have to listen to the **** you say
Watch you decay
Into nothing
Because you're too afraid
Of loving
Someone other than yourself
Other than
Your addictions

It's a mission
In your head
To make me
Feel dead
Don't worry
You won
I've already begun
To fall apart
Broken heart
Broken shards
Broken mind

You arent so kind
You're selfish
You're weak
These things
You say to me
Yet they're you
Who you don't want to be
I wish I was more selfish
Maybe then
Nobody would hurt me
I could play pretend too
And never come
Undo

I love you
I do
But you don't know
How to love
I didn't want to fix you
I wanted to show you
You can fix yourself
You can heal yourself
And I'd be there

Instead you watched me stare
At my broken heart
Crying at all the parts
You're too afraid
To try at all
In case you fall

You've already fallen
You never got back up
Trying to tear me down
Our relationship in the ground
Acting like it's me
With evil sounds
In my head

Not me
Like I said
I love you
I do
Do you love me?
Where's the proof?
You hurt me
And I let you
To show you
I love you

But now I'm starting
To hate you
The **** you keep putting me through
Tell me
You don't want my destiny
Tell me
You don't believe
In forever and peace

Then let it be
Let me be
I'll go free
Something
I never wanted
But
I can't stay haunted
By your ghosts
While you tell me
I'm the evil host

Soon I'll be dead
Is that your plan?
Knife in hand?
So you can stand
At the bar
Leaving us so far
Behind

Change your mind
Or leave
I can't take this
We're losing
Our destiny
What I wanted it to be
What you promised
So deeply

~
A mouth to feed
A lawn to mow
I don't feel young anymore
If children were wishes
If their smiles, the family glue
Aureate light would reflect
From the ceiling of my heart
If children were wishes
What would become of you and me?
~

And now it all comes back
Every wrinkle in your squinted eyes when you smiled
towards me.
Every Laugh we shared.
The short talks and sideways glances
Every absent conversation afterwards
Every Blank Stare.
Every night with a tear stained
pillow wishing you were there.
The reasons I adore you.
And the reasons why we can never be
The reasons I care and the reasons I pretend I don't.
They flood in with the remembrance that hung in your gaze.
Everything I try to erase today has now come back.
I remember you now.
I wish I could forget.
My tears won't allow me.