I want someone to slap me
And chop off my head
I hope it's painful
And that it will continue to be painful for the few minutes before I am dead

You are the one,
Who understands me,
Who helped me through the hardest times,
When my own family wasn't there,
You are the one,
Who gave me a home,
When my own,
Didn't fit that label,
You are the one,
Who showed me what love is,
Who took time to heal my cuts,
Even when I kept cutting,
Who helped me with my anger,
Til i had none left,
You are that one,
And i owe you my life.

Interfered with my grandchildren's
upbringing
I brought up my children,
As I deemed fit,
Theirs I leave to my children,
But yes I advise whenever necessary,
Children are sharp witted,
When they want something they are not allowed,
They come to you,
Did your mum the Home Minister give you permission  to be safe.
11/6/2025

Perched on a branch of tree
I a bird a sparrow or swan
In skies or lakes in every dawn
I a bird a crow or raven
Nor nest nor home for me had waven
I a bird with feathers with wings
In a Cage O' In a Cage
The world outside would seem to please
If a comfort a peace could put my heart at ease
Sure if i see tis' not a dream
Thou no foul play my eyes could see
Neverthless i hope to see a light of gleam
In this darkness In this cold
All those fantasies I would hold
I a bird with feathers with wings
In a Cage O' In a Cage
i believe no words what strangers say
A master A foe A friend you say
A bird to sing on a lovely string
Never rebel O' obedient prey
Angst nor fury nor feiry you say
Sing O sing a siren or tune
Under the stars Under the moon
I a bird with feathers with wings
In a Cage O'In a Cage
I aint a bird to fly to soar
The skies the clouds nor the thunders roar
My wings no longer can fly nomore
In this prison forevermore
Freedom O' Freedom Nevermore
No flights above the oceans shore
I a bird with feathers with wings
In a Cage O'In a Cage
Above the isles Above the castles
I aint a bird of a fairytale
Singing among the prince and princesses
Admist the gardens Above the balcony
Twittering chirping fluttering my feathers
Tis' is all a dream all a dream
I a bird with feathers with wings
In a Cage O'In a Cage
This darkness shall eat me alive
I have no key to open this cage
I know no magic nor im a mage
I see no light i see  no hope
Tis' a despair i have to cope
If i dream a home of love
Outside this cage beyond these walls
Would i meet the end of this grief
Like a sinking ship in a coral reef
Tis' would be a cage O' cage
Tis' rising angst rage O'rage
I a bird with feathers with wings
In a Cage O' In a Cage
             ___tsuki no ume~

Awoken on the isles of fear and sanity
Ive lost it all ;The sense of clarity
No anger ,contempt;Only a blind calamity,
Like myself are you a lost tragedy
Have i lost the colors to see
The black and grey is all i see
Despair, Distress ,don't come to me
Nor love ,Nor faith shall stay and remain
Nothing remains!Nothing remains
Ive lost the hope ,the light,the sun
Should i escape or Should i run
Far away where i wont turn
To joy ,To glee ,To hapiness at all
Running on thorns untill i fall
Is this the doom or is it hell
Is it the pit where i fell
Filled with pain Filled with grief
Sometimes long and sometimes brief
I would burn like a candle flame
Soon to burn out in ash, in embers
Am i monster or Am i a beast
Am i someone  you can not tame
Nor love,Nor faith shall stay and remain
Nothing remains!Nothing remains!
Far so long in this prison cell
In this fortress with no bell
Hearing the screams of my echoes
A damsel distressed on its toes
Singing her grief in an elegy
A sorrow A pain in this melody
The left paintings ,The untainted canvas
When you wept with sane madness
So paint this canvas with those tears
But make it sure no one hears
When left alone in that cage
In that misery when no one came
Nor love,Nor faith shall stay and remain
Nothing remains!Nothing remains!
                     __tsuki no ume.

Some things are better off dead
Buried in the ground
The memories stuck in my head
Spiraling around and around

My soul sits in its tomb
My hopes are the coffin it lies in
My inner child is the surrounding gloom
My dreams are the flowers lying on the stone

My trauma make up the walls that surround
My pain is the drawings underground
My soul was buried with the shackles that bind me
I had to bury it all so it would let me breathe

You have to stop looking behind to look ahead
That’s why some things are better off dead

merrily through this world we go
purging in every toilet bowl

lying on a road of cars,
empty beneath the sky of stars
I ask the God who made them,
He who said do not fear
Who am I?
Where go I?
Why am I here?

My God, oh my God
I feel so endlessly lost
My God, oh my God
Neither leave me nor forsake me
Whatever my cost

I’m getting greys
at an alarming rate,
I already pulled at my hair.
“It’s normal” he says
I swear just to debate,
cause he doesn’t seem to care.

And I’m bleeding through
my scar tissued skin,
the layers only grew
still I find a way in.

I’m getting greys
at an alarming rate,
I’ll be down to the last strand.
Check or fold the plays,
the cards aren’t that great
I’ll be down the my last hand.

And I’m bleeding through
my thick nice sweater.
It’s a shame as it’s new
and we’re reaching the cold weather.
It will stain the soft fabric
I may just grab the bleach,
but I always made it a habit
to always keep it just out of reach.

I’m getting greys
at an alarming rate
pretty soon I’ll be bald.
On hot coals she stays,
though she shifts her weight
and watches her soles scald.

And I’m bleeding through
my clogged and blocked pores,
and the remaining few
are becoming septic sores.
I’ll shed another layer
of a non-protective bubble,
and my hair will continue to get greyer,
I think I’m now in some trouble.

"Am I worth of love?
The true, romantic one.
If I even know what that is.
I can't make out difference sometimes.
Do I like them?
Or just the comfort of given friendship?
I don’t know what to feel.

Do I deserve love?
I must, right?
Despite the bad things I've done.

Take my hand,
Don't ask too much.
Let me talk.
Pull me away
To kiss me in a corner.
Or do it right now.

Friends or more?
I don't know what it is.
Please tell me what it is,
And my heart'll be mine?"

A.V.

I am not your firm foundation on which you can build, I will crumble under the weight of expectations that go unfulfilled.
Don’t put me on a pedestal I don’t like Heights
I don’t want to try to Balance only to plummet, when I lose the fight.
I don’t want to be your hero i cant even save myself. I am not your happily ever after you cant pull me from a shelf!
I am not your therapist, though i will hold your hand.  we all have to do our own work in order to understand.
I don’t want to be your master, nor will i be your slave, but we can grow together help each other be brave.
I cannot be your everything it will tear us both down. I will walk beside you and straighten your crown.