I didn't want to feel like this again.
I didn't want to attachment issues to come back.
They are my worst fear, and I dread they can make 6 months snap just like that.

My room seems so quite.
I have my music on full to block out the silence.
But these thoughts and these feelings are wounds and penetrations that are nothing more than violent.

And I'm overwhelmed by longing sensations.
I'm suffocated by numbing lacerations.
My skin is burning from the loneliness that is suppressed deep inside my stomach.

I sit with my plush animals so close to me, pressed upon my chest.
But when I hug them, they don't feel like home to me.
Though I promise I'm trying my best.

They are the issues that could ruin everything.
They are the thoughts that keep me up at night.
They are the anxieties and horrors that leave my throat feeling tight.

I'm holding back tears and I'm trying to stay calm.
But this is the after math of years of trauma, that leave me dreaming of only your arms..

dreaming of coffee dates
and your hand crawling towards mine
and a love
dreaming of watching sunsets
next to you, and your fingers tangled in my hair
and a love
dreaming of you, singing songs in my ear
and a love
dreaming of the way your arms
will feel around my waist
and a love
dreaming of your eyes, lit up by your smile
and a love
dreaming of not wanting to hide from you
and a love
dreaming of a love
and a love
and a love.

you fill me
with honesty and love
absorbed in every sip of
alcohol we taste
bleeding with no scars
left in the surface
guess this is why
they name it
drunk
in
love.

Constantly falling
      But always on my face
World keeps turning
      And I'm running in place
Stuck in this hell hole
      But I can help others out?
I end up back where I was
      Just every time, a different rout
Questions unanswered
      Lost state of mind
The untold truths
       The streets beautifully unkind
Sleepless nights dark and cold
      Long days fuelled by caffeine
While the rest of you be moving on
      I'll probably be stuck in 2016