She was told from
an age so young
that she indeed possessed all
the magic she needed
within herself
to set
the world
to right.

She placed daisies in
her long black hair
and skipped to the beat of
the songs her mother
had sung to her
before she left
escaping
her father.

She was often alone
rarely with friends as
she found comfort in the faeries
she spoke and sang to while
the wind
gently blew
hair in
her face.

She giggled when with
her only little sister
the best part of her world
to whom she adored more than
the breaths
she took
each and
every day.


She stood firm at home
never allowing
her father’s drunken words
to penetrate her self made wall
of anger and despair
because inside
her mind
there
were angels.

She closed her eyes at night
wishing the demons
to disperse into the heavy winds
that howled through the rafters
reminding her
she was
in fact
alive.

© Sia Jane

I kind of need you.. y'know... things in my life are a little messed up right now and some of it well, there's nothing I can do about it.
Just let it play out and have faith.
But I would come to you. Haha there's no other way.. I always did. I can hear you.. you'd have said to me ..
"Sunshine, come and sit with me a while, let's talk **** for a few hours, tell me what's troubling you in that pretty little head of yours'.
I know you would have patted the seat and smiled.
Then you would say..
'There's no better way to spend my day than with my Sunshine. There ain't nothing too big or to small for this old man so,
I will close my eyes and you can do all the talking.
And you would.
And after a minute or two, when we had stopped laughing,
it would go quite... and I would begin.

And when I had said my last word, you would have hugged me tight, dried my tears and looked right at me, so seriously..
and said..
"Well Sunshine, are you up for some digging? lets go get a ***** and sort this ****** out.. no questions asked”
We would have laughed at that too, I know it.
I hear your voice inside my head sometimes, or maybe it’s my voice, but the words are yours. Funnily enough they are the same things I say to my children. But in my head I hear them from you. No matter where I am or what I do, I will always be your little girl.. no matter what okay.

**** it.. I miss you. You have no idea. And I love you.
For all time. ****... this is messed up. It just seems like
you've been gone forever.. and forever's long enough in anyone's book.

You are my spring, my summer, my autumn, my winter..
And with every moment that I have left in this ****** up world and with all my stupid heart..  
I will always be your girl .. Always and forever your sunshine.

Emptiness
feels like death
nothingness
in your chest

drowning emotion
space explosion
gaps unfilled
yet nothing spilled

enclosed
alone
no emotion
shown

just hollow
a shell
living in hell
you follow

*nothing
no interest
no meaning
just destress

unknowing
unidentified
emptiness
nothing inside

Anxiety is a **** curse.
You are sabotaged by your own body and mind.
It twists your reality like it's in your DNA.
Makes you believe you are not worthy or friendships,
love or even your own reflection.
Choices come in small, extra small or sleep until it's over.
Doubting the safety of the ride to work
or if staying in bed will **** you first.
Is it better to be sick or cry.
To shake apart or hold it together.
Intrusive thoughts are a plague
but maybe you'll die from that too.
Your heart reminds you it can stop at any moment
and to prove the point it then beats so loud
even the dog can hear it.
You don't know why it happens
because your brain is on lock down
and there's nothing you can do about it.
Your very bones betray you
shaking like they have nothing better to do..
like hold you up.
Anxiety takes you hostage
and the ransom you pay
is the freedom of feeling normal.

One night soon
someone
will strike a match
on a stone
and read my name.

It is for the broken hearted ones that we should seek
for they are the ones whos need is to feel love
and it is for the ones whos soul aches that we should befriend
for they are in need of comfort, giving a safe place to land
and for those that are crushed in spirit we should lift up
for their spirit is bruised and very often lost to them
they are the ones we should find
the weary souls
from among ourselves
our time in this cosmos is fleeting
and what better way to remain forever
than to love


P. Every word is yours x