to want subtracts from life
to be grateful adds to life

           — the math of life

It's almost two am
in the morning
I hear the silence
of the forgotten
and forlorn
I see the endless
empty feelings
of being here
forgotten and
all alone

The evening
was so full
of promise
The laughter was
so natural
and carefree
I felt like I
had finally found
the place that
I was meant to be

But the people
soon paired into
their couples
The loud noise
had become
subdued
And by midnight
the room was
mostly empty
Empty as the feeling
it had left inside of me

So I left
and nobody noticed
No goodbyes
or see you again
real soon
I walked into the darkness
of the warm evening air
Realizing that I was
one of those
who had no one who cared

So put me on the highway
I've got no where
I have to be
More empty miles
of lonesome
on the road
called eternity

And I will now fake it
And I will somehow
learn to take it
Take it all back home
with me

So put me on the highway
I've got no where
I have to be
More empty miles
of lonesome
on the road
called eternity

What things I've written
over the years, I wonder
what will they remember,
What image will be left for
those I leave behind? A few
weeks ago I had an intense
realisation. What would I do
if I were terminal?
I'm still wasting time trying to
come to terms with my question
and to find some strength from it.
I remembered to breathe today
(so often I forget). I had a couple tokes
and got a little ****** but I don't miss it
as much as I thought (though I miss the times
and the humility of tripping). I avoid work like
an expert, lapping up the sun while it shines and
buying synthesizers; I did just finish
8 months of therapy.

Another realisation, or rather
the application of knowledge
I already possessed, a cause is
merely something we construct.
Supposing how and deriving why
are a useful set of fictions to abide by
yet they cease to serve when I assume
it's my fault and I should be able to make
a change or difference.
I persecute and victimise, recuse myself from
my own life, wondering whatever could rescue
the person I was
as a child.