The greatest strength I have
is what I built
after you destroyed everything.

I became my own knight in shining armor.

Have you ever wondered if this world is the actual
hell we live in and if we are being tested
by how well we deal?
We are living in a place where pain, suffering,
and then ultimately death are of everyday existence
I understand that perception is everything here
and this world is an illusion generated by our perception
I am not trying to be a downer but the more I live
in this world the more I see it as a nightmare
that some days I just want to wake up from

This is not coming from my religious beliefs and I am
not saying that I am not grateful for everything I do have
Compared to a lot of other people in this world I do not
have it so bad and I know this.  This is coming from
a thought process I have been trying to come to terms with

Is there a bright light at the end of this very dark tunnel?
Of course we all have different journey's to take to get us
to that tunnel but while we are here our paths do cross from
time to time and we all have some of the same pains
sufferings and even death to overcome

My point is this...
We are all living in this hell together
Let's get through this hell together
This thought has become a shining
Ray of light in this dark
Find some comfort in this
and
Perhaps there is hope for us all

when I feel like
you’re here with me
and that you will be, it
in some odd way star form
gives me this focus and clarity
to face the world that I never have
like hardly, ever, shrinking away into
this no one knows no one gets place
where I hang out and nod my head
at the rest who I don’t know how
they can’t see I’m pretending
this whole scheme is OK
but somehow it’s all
so much better
when I think
you’re with me
-really-
even just
in my head
you go closer
than anyone has
on physical planes
and I feel like my chest
gets less heavy and I can
breathe deep and not think
about my regular plagues
and it all seems so doable
like I can play the game
in order to get out of it
eventually
like I can be a better
everything
when I think we are OK
it’s dumb in a way but I swear
when I think you are mad at me
or don’t understand me or
confuse where I’m at
it’s like my own limb
giving me the finger
filing papers to sever
it feels so lost awkward
and I’m like, ahem, get over here
stop being silly
we don’t always have choices
as to what feels like home
because if we did
we’d have been there long before
we stumbled into it, my dear
at the first cozy thing, as if
one could stick a welcome mat at
another’s feet and make it feel right
we surely would have before now
but I won’t forget
and I won’t let you
forget who
the **** I am
namely, you

...words,  at times,      f
                                       a                    
                                   l
                               l

                          in   a    

                        c
                      r
                        o
                             o
                                  k
                                e
                            d
                                  row...


when gathering thoughts
when establishing a message
when trying to put words
in their right places
...they sometimes end up
............in   w e i r d    spaces

..................r h y t h m    
is messed...it's neither a poem nor a hymn
.....falling backward
..........it sounds   a
                                    w
                                k
                                     w a r d

......everything else doesn't     j i b e ...
...........time is not ripe....
the poem's moment...is yet to arrive...


        Sally

Copyright November  5, 2017              
rrab