Peel away my skin
Until you show just bone
Reveal what lays within
The essence of alone
Scars they never disappear
Bruises though they heal
Always I'm consumed by fear
My nightmares are so real
Drift into the unknown
As my final sleep begins
I've played the cards, the dice are thrown
Forgive me all my sins

I shouldn't even hold on
My children all tell me, you did a little right but mostly all wrong
Feeling like I don't belong

I should let it just end
Boyfriend that will only call me a friend
Down into the darkness I descend

Standing in front of death's gate
Not fast enough to change anyone's fate
Sorrow, anguish, and guilt will not abate

Pumping my veins full of drugs
Never again to feel my soul-friend's hugs
Confronted now with only shrugs


I shouldn't even hold on
I should let it just end
Standing in front of death's gate
Pumping my veins full of drugs

©Pauline Russell

With the reception I'm getting from you
I might as well be in Timbuktu
It's a growing feeling of deja vu

All my words you misconstrue
I tried to explain till in the face I'm peacock blue
One of these days your gonna get whats due

And life, on you is gonna chew
And spit you out like rancid stew
Then maybe you will feel bad for what you do

Treating me like a pair of old brown shoes
Walking on me until your through
An apology is overdue
Don't give me that look you know it's true

With you every thing is a hullabaloo
I think I'll find someone new
With them I'll move to Kalamazoo
There my life you can't askew

©Pauline Russell

One little stick at a time, you feed the fire
One little stick at a time, it grows higher
One little stick at a time, against yourself you conspire

Carrying a bundle of sticks you cry, "everyone else is to blame"
The relentless winds of time did fan the flame
Now in control the fire takes the reins

With scorching fury it devours all that's within
Till only molten ambers remain  under the skin
Can you remember how this story even begins

One little stick at a time, against yourself you conspire
One little stick at a time, it grows higher
One little stick at a time, you fed that fire

©Pauline Russell

Outlast all my troubles
my demons close behind ;
To get to the end where the light of heaven shines

Apparently im losing
apparently im lost
So viciously unfocused
i fall and pay the cost

Uncanny how they breach in
My pride was like a boat
its dawning several holes
to water im exposed
then drown..

My issues give me pounds on rearrival
lately hits to ego have me feeling small as Fievel..
I feel as though im lacking
or unfit for this girl ;
They tell me play the game
while cheaters run the world..

It's hard living in a world where no one cares
While your smothered and shallowed by despair
Sitting here wondering why I was born into this place
Not wanting to be part of this human race
Where money is the great and powerful Oz
It doesn't matter what's the cause
I look and see their hearts have grown cold and calloused
Everything is so off balanced
There is no more unconditional love
No help from up above
We have been abandoned
The trumpets have sounded
Humanity has been stripped of it's compassion
Empathy is in short ration
Gone are the ways of old
To these values we no longer hold
Now it's I'll do for you if you can do for me
That's not the way it's supposed to be
But everyone's eyes have been closed
Their souls have become thorny and cold
We are no longer judged on our thoughts and actions
But by how much money we have for the coming attractions
For if we don't have enough to pay
We become part of the play
We are condemned to be the *****
Then feed into the machines of war

©Pauline Russell