I spend this remaining time thinking of you. This song floats my mind on its stormiest day. I wait for it to calm, but you are all that stays. No matter how much I shake, you stay like a snow globe; no matter how much is around you, your face is a clear picture. This melody sends me back to a time where everything was okay. I sway to the beat wishing you were in my arms. I wish the brightest day was when you smiled in front of me. Your eyes spray sunshine, but our memories tear me apart. I wonder if you'll ever read my pointless poems. I've spent too long regretting what never could be. I'm sitting behind a phone listening for the moment I can burst into a conversation with you, but its 1 am.

Death seduces the weak, and ignores the strong. Suicide roams the air like its a new drug. Death is found in every home, and the last adventure I want to take. I grow to find myself growing weak, anticipating death to kiss me in the moonlight. My world has been spinning, only to see the devil is dancing with us all.

For the person who hurt me deeply.
Who is hurting deeply.
I forgive you.
I'm here.
I'll always be here.

The hurt you've caused is buried deep,
I suffer the consequences of your actions, they fester and steep.

Yet I realized something yesterday.
I hurt.
You hurt.

I have lost you, not by choice.
But you are my best friend, I still need to hear your voice.

I'm losing not just the future I saw, but my best friend.
Why would I choose to lose both parts?
I cannot overcome this loss, this death of both love and friendship.

Sometimes you are so quiet, I forget your thoughts are loud,
I forget you are suffering because you hide it so well, I know of this you are incredibly proud.

But even the strong do not always prevail alone.
I'm willing to put my feelings aside for the chance to hold my best friend close.

It will burn me, but one day it will scar.
Friends hurt together.
So hurt with me.

So please, just know I'm here.
You always have a place where you are welcome, where someone cares, where you can feel safe.
And safely feel.
No questions.
Less trust, more history, but never less love.

You are not alone.
I will never let you suffer through this painful part of life on your own.

-Love, untitled

Haunted by the memories of my past
You seem to devourer every dream
Your face so visible in each nightmare
Stricken by fear…. stricken by you

Your hands have left scares so deep
Damaged I am, and yet I still stand tall.

Drunkenness was your world, pain you inflicted the most
Life was never at peace, for destruction was you love.
Truths you never told, killing everyone that surrounds you.
Your tongue was deadly, and your hands where quick
A victim of it all I’ve been, questionable was your love.

Forgiveness I have given…
Freely so, and without apologies
With the scares so deep, difficult it is to forget.
Difficult it is not to feel,
For the pain is still alive.

Robbed a normal childhood,
Hell it was, with many failing to protect me.
In a dark place I grew up, terrified by your drunken moments
Haunted by the memories of you,
Not hating you at all,
I continue to live.

I wasn't me not today.
I guess all my fears came chasing.
All that I thought I would never have to face again.
The fear of being let down,
Disappointed.
The fear of having to wait for someone to come
And they never show up.

I was hoping for a change in the chapter of my life.
Hopefully it would clear all the doubts I have been having.
You were that spark of hope for a moment,
And when things changed.
I was so disappointed.

I know I had no reason to be angry
I failed to compromise.
And mostly appreciate your values.
Guess at that moment I felt unappreciated.

I don't know what much more to say.
But I deeply apologise.
Not because its a must but because I know I should.
I was just selfish.
And unearthly to be so arrogant.
I surely know that I could have behaved a little better,
But I didn't.

Isn't it ironic, how we tell others to stay strong, yet, we can't do it ourselves?
How we give useful advice, yet, we never receive any help.
We try to keep everyone around us strong.
Knowing we're the ones that need help all along.
Keeping everyone out of harm's way.
I guess we should be considered superheroes saving people everyday.
Putting others needs before our own.
God forbid if our problems are shown.
The ones that can't stay strong are the ones that keep a strong posture.
Appearing strong in reality we're weak.
Merely helping others while stumbling on our own feet.

I Am Peter the Apostle

Just an illiterate fisherman
Before the Holy Spirit spread
Even my shadow had power
To heal and raise Dorcus from the dead

Jesus called my brother Andrew, too
When we both toiled as fishermen
To follow Him in God’s mission
And learn how to be Fishers of men

I witnessed his transfiguration
Meeting Elijah and Moses
A prelude to Jesus Risen
He knew he faced no bed of roses

Jesus taught me how his days on Earth
All were numbered to the hour
He transfigured on the mountain
I saw His magnificent power

I proclaimed, “You are the Messiah!”
I assure you God loves us all
Angels tapped me on the shoulder
To be witness to His mighty call

I was there when God spoke lovingly
“This is my much beloved son”
I’ve not been telling fairy-tales
In the light of Eternity Won

I was ordained by Jesus Himself
And founded two churches of hope
Spread His message of salvation
To Catholics I’m the very first pope

I am warning you ahead of time
Surprise, like a thief in the night
He’s giving more time for sinners
Who are trying hard to get it right

Believe that day is surely coming
So while waiting for His return
Achieve closer union with God
Holy, Godly lives are your concern

Live without sinning and be at peace
With everyone-it’s not too late
My own eyes have seen His Glory
Let His light dawn in your soul-don’t wait!

Remember I walked on water, too
Following Jesus in His wake
All ungodly men will perish
So follow him, too, for your own sake

Those who fall in love with money
Always doing wrong to others
Beware false prophets who tell lies
Destroy their unrepentant covers

I remind you all so solemnly
Of ***** and Gomorrah’s end
And yet God saved that good man, Lot
And He can rescue you, too, my friend

A man’s a slave to what controls him
“Do what you like, be free”, say men
False teachers are fools, don’t listen
For they really are slaves to their sin

I remind you He came to save us
From the rottenness all around
Demonstrating His character
To the Golden Rule you should be bound

A dog coming back to his *****
Or a pig wallowing again
It’s worse than not to have known Him
For those who turn once again to sin

When a person escapes wickedness
Then tangles up with sin once more
By turning on His commandments
He’ll be worse off than he was before

No woman escapes their sinful stares
They proudly boast of sin, no giving
They’ve gone off the road, useless and doomed
Luring others to wicked living

God delivered us from the old life
Put aside your own desires
Gladly be patient and Godly
Living the good life He requires

He’ll open wide the gates of heaven
You are among those God has called
Into His Eternal Kingdom
I’m reminding you what prophets told

In the last days he warns of scoffers
Who cleverly lie about God
They laugh at the truth when taunting
“Where is he? Why so slow?  He’s a fraud!”

Is His promised return slow for you?
In a day or a thousand years…
To God is just like tomorrow
When Christ our Savior again appears

He’s given us all blessings promised
Let God have His way, not a whim
Find out what God wants you to do
Become fruitful and useful to Him

Yes, I know how I denied Jesus
And recall the rooster crowed, too
Three times I said I don’t know Him
Ask yourself how many times have you?

Why?*
Why didn't you just tell the truth? They all gave you a chance to tell it but, you chose not to. Why? You lied to Jarod about alot of things... He asked you if you was sure, why didn't you just say no you lied. You lied to Arcassin, who you said you loved. He also asked you if you was telling the truth you said yes instead of no. Why didn't you just listen to your gut? Now you've lost him and you'll never get him back. You should have known that it wouldn't have lasted, you knew that you lied. You lied to the two people who you say were important in your life and other people too, you hurt them. *You'll have to live with that.

I'm tired of being mad.*
You walked out my life and I blamed myself for it. I blamed myself for alot of the things you chose to do. You chose to walk out of my life and you chose to use herion.  I had nothing to do with those decisions. I hate to call you a terrible father but you are... you constantly lie to me, you always talk to me about selling drugs, you don't support me, you rarely call me, you weren't there for my birth and you don't even know that I lost my virginity. I wrote this in hopes to forgive you but i'm realizing that i'm not ready to forgive you. I just feel like if you really wanted to be in my life you would try harder to be in it but if not well, *I don't chase after anyone so if you wanna walk out my life, i'll hold the door open for you.

Poems coming soon.
#forgivesomeone