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 Dec 2019
Mari
My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was
 Feb 2017
irsorai
Consumed by all these thoughts,
I want them to stop
Controlling my defenses and attacks.
I want them to wash away,
Take me to numbness
Where vain rules the kingdom
And I can be one more day
Close to the end.
Copyright © irsorai
28/02/2017 - 12:20pm
 Feb 2017
wordvango
long hair around my neck
a red complexion
my grandfather would have never
approved of my predilection
for words instead of action
he stands in my memory so tall
white haired then and chiseled
face and faction
a man of Cherokee stance
and action, had markers and hates he stood
fast to, no other way to act he said,
kept Grandma pregnant
her whole life, until she had that attack,
and lay paralysed her last years of breathing,
then he kept up with her nurse,
and climbing pruning trees till he was 93.
He fell fast , one September,
like a limb he had pruned from an oak,
fell hard to the ground under
a hot sun, his whole life devoted
to family and heritage.
He might not approve of me, being so
magnamious in forgiveness.
It has to end some day, though.
 Feb 2017
Corvus
I've discovered Hell, and the truth is,
It isn't a place you go, it's a sickness.
It resides within your bones
And its scaffolding is made from trauma.
The only fire you'll find is from the white-hot flashbacks
That leave you drenched in sweat that smells like smoke.
No-one lives there except you and your enemies,
And your enemies are fragments of history, unable to be killed.
Your mind is the devil that subjects you to punishment
That you can't help but be convinced that you deserve,
And escape is a notion kept only for tears;
Everything else remains trapped.
Hell is being held within the cage of your own body
And killing yourself trying to break free.
 Jan 2017
Alvira Perdita
you pretend to miss me
but i know you better than you think
i know the giveaways when you're lying
the words you use to avoid the truth

the pretending needs to end
i can't be your last call anymore
i don't want to be your second thought
when you're planning things
i've been debating about whether or not i'm done with you for over a month now. i guess we have my answer.
 Jan 2017
Kenna
I never heard
myself cry out
loud. It was always
silent. As if you
never heard me.
As if you weren’t
even bothered.

“Stop.” She pulled back.  
“It hurts.”She contorted
“No." She pushed and in her
head she heard a voice—soft and
sinister. Not powerful enough
to be her own.
Relax,
baby girl,
relax.

It couldn’t have been
aloud. It was gentle and
intrusive and she hadn’t known
it was there. It stroked her
cerebellum, tickling
her larynx and falling
just short of a scream. She fell
just short of the bed and collected
herself among the sheets
and their refuse.

I never heard
her actions nor the motion
of her language.
She was silent always
and always screaming.
 Jan 2017
Esther En Qin
I do not need
a fancy proper date
nor for you to wear suit&tie;
order the most expensive entrées;
Duck with Cherries In Chianti
names of the dishes that are outstanding
Servant to serve classy white wine
to cheers to our anniversary

I do not need
  a sparkling silver-white gown
made by luxurious fabric
embroidered with stunning floral patterns
countless layers of tulle
to have a dance with you
and your classy tuxedo
that'll make a spotlight
shine on us while we dance
gracefully upon the dance floor

I do not need
A diamond ring
platinum band
filled with distinctive characteristic
our love story in our engagement ring
finish it with a 20 karat diamond
that represents infinity of our relationship

All I ask is you to stay
by my side
when I need you
when I call out for your name
and you'd be there for me
comfort me
protect me
cheer for me

Is it a selfish request ?
because *all i ask
was simple
but you couldn't do that for me
instead
you decided to leave.
 Jan 2017
bones
They say you don't know what you have until it's gone.
But what about the people that do know?
The people that just have to sit there waiting and watching helplessly as the only thing that's keeping them from going insane is walking away from them.
Isn't it much worse for them?
 Jan 2017
Amethyst Fyre
I am not tired
but I am living for the moment
when I turn off the lights and cover the digital clock

my room a haven of crystal tar darkness
a sudden still
my body strangled by the heavy warmth of sheets
under which even the throbbing of my wrists- the price I pay- seems none too deep

comfort and ease
no responsibility in dreams
my breath slows and the stars explode

a butterfly kiss from Death


Until sunlight stabs my eyes wide open
sending me through the motions of another day
throughout which my soul longs for sleep

the choir sings a lullaby in a language I don't need to understand
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