This is getting harder then before
Putting words together
Like cutting hide from a boar
When I was with you
Ink flowed out of my pen
Each stroke undoubtedly written by you
But now writing is getting harder to do
Who knew
Everything I wrote was inspired by you
But now my well runs dry
Everything I start gets casted into a fired
Caught up in the flames
Before it can see the light of day
Trapped behind a wall of shame
I lost the will to write When I lost you
Now the ink in my pen is empty

I am the reminiscent glow of warmth in the midst of a light autumn snow: the embers itching for something new to swallow, perhaps another brittle arm of a Douglas Fir or the soaked heart of a Willow, but I wait in agony even if you've been gone for hours because maybe you're just looking for the perfect branch or maybe you've found a new fire to keep you warm?

My skin is nothing but mere ash compacted into a human body, crumbling away with each touch and yet there I was laying next to him after my heart stopped beating with your softening footsteps; he ignited me for a breath and stumbled away for a girl who burns so much brighter than I.

I am a benign fire hazard with a finger curled around an unlit match, salt water drenching its ruby crown and its body straining against my grip, but I can do it myself -- I can keep myself warm if I can only have the will to keep these embers glowing just a bit longer.

Do her eyes still change,
to slate grey in anger?
Do they still turn to blue when it rains,
and when she cries?
I always tried to tell her,
those demons would hang her.
"You're just bound and determined,
to decline til you die."

Sometimes,
I wish I could quit.
The drinking,
the smoking,
the maybe-too-frequent drug use.
I know I'm just chasing the high I got,
from you.
But you're gone and not coming back.
"A man's gotta do,
What a man's gotta do."
At least that's what they tell me.

I write my lines in a corner of this dimly lit bar,
unnoticed.
People float around me like fireflies,
little sparks in the darkness
unaware of their own illumination.
I take every ember
and stoke a fire that holds me over,
for the night.
I don't need permission,
to perpetuate my own existence.
I trade what little I know freely.
Only hoping for inspiration,
one more poem,
one more line,
just one more word.
If you drop it I'll pick it up,
no need to feel indebted.
For every word I leave I know,
the world is better than when I met it.

She wanted him to want her
She had plans to **** the kindness in his heart with her wickedness
That was her evil deed
Said she would do anything to please
Whatever the request she would meet his needs

His lust of the flesh kept him trapped here
Intertwined in her arms
He's not a drinker
But his head rushed from the beers
Falling for her seduction one of his fear
But heard giving in was sweet from his peers
He was weak anyway
When it came to sin
It soaked in his skin
Became an ink stain within
Hard to remove
*** is what he wanted
But for that he would have to give up his soul

No love would be involved
She assured him
Let's keep this simple
Know one would ever know
That girl your dating wouldn't discover this ***** secret
What we do hidden
Between me and you
Give in like you did with the photos
Baiting him
Worlds silky smooth
Sweet like honey
Convinced him to set his innocence aside
He was angry inside
As much as he didn't want to do it
He finally gave in to her seduction

What was one dreamed
Died before it could live
Plans of this
Gone before it could be birth
Back into the depth of the earth
Buried deep down in me
Thought it would happen in this lifetime
Silly me
Love a shadow I could never see
Cast out
Faded right in front of me
Hidden by a blazing rage
Burnt out
Thought it would be she
But not in this lifetime
Not for me
Once a dream
Long died before it could be seen
Love
Not in this lifetime for me
Maybe in another lifetime
She...
We...
Maybe in another lifetime

He wasn't a gambler
Anything risky with his heart he didn't take
Feelings compromised by false mistakes
All the chips he has
Kept safe
To selfish to place them on the table to play
Past bets almost emptied his bank
Lessons taught him what you lose isn't greater then what you gain
Always rolled snake eyes
Seven or elevens he didn't see
Until one day
He met the one
Promises of love brought out his chips
Now he was back in the game
At the gambling table
Chips in a neat row
But one by one they started to go
Every roll or a play of cards
He start to see she wasn't what he wanted
He lost more then what he wanted to get
Her promises of love
Didn't win him any chips
She was a counterfeit

All my attempts
to grasp upon inspiration
that will linger for more than
just a moment,
end in flames and utter disaster.
Yea,
the fire lends me light
but it's a momentary
high before I drop from the pinnacle
and return to earth
with a crash.
I'll never stop the campaign
but I'm growing afraid
that if I continue this path
I'll wind up broken and cracked.

I'll never see you,
And I think I know how the sun must feel about the moon

You live on in my head,
Like a tumor I cannot excise.
Or refuse to.
I can't tell anymore.

Funny how nobody ever truly leaves,
They become ghosts,
Animated by regret, goodwill, love, jealousy, pettiness
Muffled by distractions, dates, girlfriends, ***.

Please, just let me be.

I am too close
to the ever-pressing silence
that dominates the mood of my life.
Eerie jackals pass me in the hall
hungry
for a taste.
Blank stares and quiet skies
interlude
with an electric hum.

Why do I cringe?  
at the thought of a
multitude of realities -

My jungle has no king.
Tender flesh exposed
most delicate in your countenance
I don't know your name
and there are too many of you
to begin with, so I can't end.

Impressions upon the mind
carved deep
with chisel and talon

Release me from this depth
too thick, like a humid morning
with an empty white sheet
staring back across the way.

That quiet sky speaks
no more as I wander
near the shore

Thunderous emptiness
rumble and control me

In the distance, an echo
returning from my silence.

*I am too close.

The wait here is breaking my bones,
I'm always searching for love or I'm searching for home.
No matter how hard that I seem to try,
I wind up just standing in line.
This whiskey will **** me no doubt,
but it's better than tasting your name in my mouth.
I can run, I can hide, I can waste all my time,
but you always wind up on my mind.
The good ones keep walking away,
while the worst ones come through and keep trying to stay.
I'm always asking the world to send me a sign,
but it seems all my hopes are declined.
I've learned on my own I can stand,
that won't ever stop me from grasping for hands.
At the end of the day I'll seek and I'll strive
for a woman who's strong, true and kind.

I hear your echoes in every bottle,
It's all I can do to reach for the cork
I need this, I need this, I hate this
Please, please, please
Leave it, just leave it, at ease

Such pride, such vanity
Such dignity, chin up, love

It's over but does it ever really end?