I consumed your agitation, drew it from your lips.
As i felt the round edges of your aching desire.
You held nothing back as you took my love
And led me to an ocean of burning fire.
Our love consulted with our hearts
And they all agreed,
This love we have can't by others be acquired.

We use to be Friends with Benefits
We use to go to the bathroom
With one waiting five minutes before going of course
For three minutes of Pleasure

We use to not talk at all only when needed
To set up meetings
I felt like we were spies in a movie
and with every meet we trade secrets
Down each others throats

With every touch thoughts ran through my mind
What if we got caught ?
For this is no ordinary Friends with Benefits
it was one that would be considered Forbidden

Two guys enjoying each others company
In the bathroom
Two guys moving and thrashing about like beasts
to satisfy their thirst    

It lasted for weeks, months, and years
Friends with Benefits
Savoring each time they came together
Each time their hunger for lust was fed

But we are no longer Friends with benefits
I no longer require lust to quiet my growling stomach
I don't need you to take my every inch
To make me move about in ecstasy

No I terminated your services
For I want to save myself for that one person I will love.
I know it seems dumb
since I have already gave myself up for three minutes of pleasure  
Time and time again.
And even though you want more
We can no longer be Friends with Benefits

It's because I realised I trusted you
more than I ever could with him,
that I finally was able to push him away
and pull you completely in.

The curtains close and the lights go up
We wait for the next performance to get ready.

Soon the think red drapes are parted,
and my heart jumps,
because there he is.

The show begins, screaming into the mike,
Are you ready to rock?
I am.

They **** the songs, but after awhile I stop paying attention
to the songs and start watching them.

I watch as he throws his hair back, long and thick and curly,
singing at the top of his voice, with the edge and rough raw that even
a shot of T won't get me.

I shift from him to his friend, his friend that is everything I want.

He belts out Hound Dog, he rips into his guitar and shreds the songs

a  p   a  r  t .

His slender arms, with the bulge of muscle shining shining sweat.
Furrowed brow and nimble fingers that I want all over me.

Turn back to the first boy, watch his hips
circle behind his guitar, his groin pressing against the smooth wood.

Behind his zipper a throbbing energy that he teases with,
smirking into the audience, with more grace and sensuality
than I when I practice in my room behind a locked door.

The tears come at the end, and I blink them back,
always blinking them back.

a  l  w a y  s.

Can't decide if I like you or if I like your body,
if I want you or your body.

Is it bad that I want to strut onstage with my bass guitar laying flat against my chest, to shred a song with my vocal chords bleeding ****** raw?

And at the same time, I long for a smooth body,
a flat stomach and long, luscious hair, tumbling down my back.

Gentle ******* beneath silky cups, curving me into a petite doll.


I watch the boys and my heart aches, for him, and for his body.

I don't know what transexual means but it might be me.

The rain pelts the window,
The Boyfriend who tries to get my attention,
Throwing its rocks at the window,
But I ignore and continue on with my work.

Mrs. Livingston wants a paper written
A 5 page paper
And Things like annoying rain mustn’t distract me.

Though the rain is easy to ignore
There is one thing that I can’t ignore.
Him.
He is there in the back of my mind
Occupying the space where numbers from math class should be,
Where my History homework on Napoleon should be,
Where He shouldn’t be.

Golden eyes flash before me once the room goes white,
A scent seduces my nose though it’s in my mind
Just a memory brought back to life
A ghost intruding when it need not.

Why? Why can’t he leave me alone?
Yet I know it’s not him that’s in the wrong
It’s me
And My gay ways.

Latching onto him
Clasping his words in its hands
Soaking up every syllable
Every word
Everything about him
Like a sponge soaking up the bubbles , suds, water, and germs.

The paper! I must get back to the paper!
He can’t be in my mind when I have much writing to do.
But
I like him.
More than like him.

I remember when at first I dug my heels into the ground
Refusing to fall
Then as time went on
The heels got eroded
The ground beneath me got eroded
My determination was eroded.
And
I
Fell.

An object forced to the ground not because of gravity
But because he had something about him
Something that made my body sing,
With bulking, twisting, and jittering.

Was it his smile?
That one little curve.
That one little curve with such shine
And such sweetness
It could melt ice
And have more sugar than a pack of Hershey Kisses.

Maybe his hair?
The constant loops
Of Wheat
Of sand
Of soft wool.
Taking me on a ride that never seem to end.

Or perhaps his Words and Speech?
The constant dragging out words
The sweet tune of the Hillbilly in his vocals.
Lost in his words that never made sense
Until I thought more of it.

Or maybe his demeanor?
The laid back student who dreams of going cross country in a van.
The one who seems to have everything figured when he can’t figure if he is up or down.
The one who attracts the negative and it turns to problems
The one who surprises me with his out of the blueness.
And takes me on such a high that it shatters by heart when he drops me.

I have to stop.
He is taken from me
That is a thought I mustn’t forget.
Why spend this time
Thinking
Wanting
Loving
Liking
Wishing
Hoping
When he has been taken from me.
I must finish the paper.
I don’t have much time.

I saw him with new eyes.
Gay eyes.
(Though, these eyes have always been gay eyes.)
I noticed his long nose,
a slide for the sweat that took the ride down
landing where his foot had once been.

I noticed his hair, a wildness of blond,
Going this way
That way
No way.
His eyes of the sea darted this way
That way
No way.
I shivered as the sea breeze touched me
whenever he looked my way.

I noticed his smile.
A smile that pulled at my ****** muscles so I could grin.
Yes, I saw him.
With new eyes
old eyes
Gay eyes

~~♥~~

I used to think men
should be more like books
Both you cannot
judge by looks...

If I didn't want to finish reading
I put it down... no heart was bleeding

A book will never fuss or fight
It will stay with you
through the night...

It doesn't smoke. It doesn't drink.
It won't leave toothpaste
in the sink!

It doesn't binge... it don't eat...
It won't leave up the toilet seat!

It don't forget. It doesn't mope.
It won't hog the TV remote!

It doesn't have to have
The last say...
It doesn't have legs

to walk away.

But it's not soft. It isn't warm.
It doesn't keep you
safe from harm.

Even though it makes no fuss
It can't think. It can't discuss.

Even though it has its charms
it can't hold you in its arms.

It doesn't pine. It doesn't miss.
It can't hug and it can't kiss.

So now I think on it again...
... I think BOOKS should be
             more like MEN!!!


SoulSurvivor
2/20/2015

her eyes flashing electric green,
her hand on mine in the night;
damp and warm and earthy like
the forest floor, her skin ethereal,
almost crystalline, translucent,
burning hot when i touch it
burning cold when i don't
all of them thrown from their homes,
all of them motherless,  fatherless,
all of them lost and afraid and doing
things that  put them in danger just
to stay alive for some hours
they teach me how to breathe, how
not to fear, how not to depend
i run through their world bare foot,
wild-eyed and naive
but i’ve only just learnt how to walk
and i’m tired, sweat falls down my back
like tears and i feel her gaze digging
into my flesh and around my flesh
just like clothes you can't take off
i am always aware of the constant ticking,
of getting  closer and closer to the point
where i have to leave,  do what is expected
of me, do what they say; grow up just
like blue flowers do
i stretch my arms across her all night;
i press myself into her in the hope that
i will dissipate into her blood stream
i could never love her how she needed me to,
i never learnt how to hold her hands
because she needed me to hold onto them
too tightly and my fingers were never
able to grasp at things when she was near
i never could explain that being with
someone so dangerous was the first time
i ever felt safe, holding her up made me
weaker than i thought