It is not greed,
The thirst for riches.
It is not lust,
The hunger for skin.
It is not wrath,
The delight in spilled blood.
It is not sloth, jealousy, gluttony, or pride.
It is simply evil,
Devoid of complexity,
Absent and empty.
It is all-encompassing, surrounding you, surrounding me,
In a cloud of poison, toxicity.

I am not alive;
There is death in my eyes.
There is no meaning in each step.
There is no soul in my breath.

I do not write solely for expression.
I write to be known and heard.
I write to be felt and feared.
I pour truth out like water and ask you to take a sip.
There is no shame.

There is death now, inside of me,
Silence and tranquility.

Tonight the life inside of me speaks,
Screams, cries, and tells a story.

A story of abuse and neglect,
Loneliness and lack of friendship.
Rejection.
ANGER. RAGE.
Many questions, such as,
HOW COULD YOU? WHO AM I?
WHAT DO I DO NOW?

So many questions left unanswered.
So many feelings left unattended.
A child is left to wonder and to hurt.
The adults are left to regret.
The criminals are left alone.

Self-esteem is ruined.
Life turns to death.
Death turns to freedom.

I shut you out,
With a false smile on my mouth.
I let you in,
Only enough to graze my skin.
I open the door,
Only to lay still upon the floor.
I wake up in my bed,
Only to gaze at the ceiling overhead.

It starts off small.
A nag, here or there.
Did you forget to do this,
Did you remember to do that?
It grazes the line.
Did you check and re-check?
Did you re-check again?
It grows larger.
How many times did you check?
Could you check once more?
Larger than you.
Did you double, triple, and quadruple check?
Did you do everything you could do?
Obsessive,
Cruel,
Demoralizing,
OCD.

Peace is a distant friend
That rarely calls
Never drops by for a coffee
Or a casual conversation.
Has Peace moved on,
Found a better friend?
While I sit here, bitter,
Affected,
Restless,
Unsure.
Peace, what can I do to bring you back?