It was destined to be a bad night
Too many emotions
Too far into their ******
Too many emotions destined to lead to numbness
The numbness that would cause me to drift into a horrible hell
That night I knew would be extra worse because my orange princess was feeling bad
So I turned to my last resort
The thing that would help me survive
Alcohol
Vast amounts of alcohol to numb my emotions do that they would not escalate
And Make me numb
And I told her
I told my orange princess because I trust her
I did not think that it would have such a big affect on her
She was distraught
Sonething I could not understand
How she could Care For me
Her exact words as clear as my horrible life was

I'm sorry that my poison is numbing the affects of the alcohol

Previously we made a deal
We said

we should both stop apologising

And as she Apologised I just said
Dont be dear one

She never asked why
I hoped she would
Because I want her to know that the poison that numbed the alcohol gave me the vitality to carry on

I love you

The abstract idea of paradise
But
In reality
Far from it actually
Love is an excruciatingly painful  resemblance of something people call pure and unrefined happiness
Love stings
Love burns
Love tears you apart
Love cuts
Its a painful thing
That
In all our sanity
Always strive for
But when you love someone and they love you back
Sting turns into stung
Burn turns into burns
Tears turn into seams
Cuts turn into scars
And with all of this you and the person can sit together and compare your
Stings
Burns
Seams
And scars
And tell our stories and reveal
IT
ALL
but knowing that he or she will take all those
Scars
And seams
And stings
And burns
And turn them into precious beautiful memories that make all that excruciating pain worth it
And I am beyond blessed to have shown my
Seams
Stings
Burns
And scars
To my dear one
To my orange princess

She is like my ecstacy

I talk to her and I love it

I get so high

On her comments

On her poems

On her words

On the way she says tge words

She releases all the tension

All the pain

But like all

Good

Drugs

There is a down side

After I take my dose

I need more

I need more of my pure rapture

That's what I'm calling this drug

The rapture of the orange princess

The knife slices into my arm
Its like ice
Thin cold ice
So cold it burns
The heat starts straight after the cold
The red hot heat
That flows over my black and white life
The red hot heat
That helps me
It keeps me from  the rope just a while longer

The comment slices into my soul
Cold
And hard
Just like the voice that uttered it
The pain starts hours later
After school
After sport
After supper
It starts in bed
In darkness
Whwn im alone and it returns
And it pushes me
It hurts but ill not fall
And I started this poem with beauty in mind but im ending it with

******* BITCHCUNT

I WILL NOT ******* LOOSE

If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn’t a lie,
Life would be delight,—
But things couldn’t go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn’t be I.

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I’d be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn’t be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,—
Yet they’d all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn’t be we.

my love
thy hair is one kingdom
  the king whereof is darkness
thy forehead is a flight of flowers

thy head is a quick forest
  filled with sleeping birds
thy ******* are swarms of white bees
  upon the bough of thy body
thy body to me is April
in whose armpits is the approach of spring

thy thighs are white horses yoked to a chariot
  of kings
they are the striking of a good minstrel
between them is always a pleasant song

my love
thy head is a casket
  of the cool jewel of thy mind
the hair of thy head is one warrior
  innocent of defeat
thy hair upon thy shoulders is an army
  with victory and with trumpets

thy legs are the trees of dreaming
whose fruit is the very eatage of forgetfulness

thy lips are satraps in scarlet
  in whose kiss is the combinings of kings
thy wrists
are holy
  which are the keepers of the keys of thy blood
thy feet upon thy ankles are flowers in vases
  of silver

in thy beauty is the dilemma of flutes

  thy eyes are the betrayal
of bells comprehended through incense

My heart is under a pile
My heart is a pile
On top of my heart there is a gun
The same gun I wanted to use to **** myself
The gun of redemption
On top of that there lies boulders
Boulders with names upon them
Lust
Death
Revenge
Jealousy
These boulders protect me at the core
Wrapped around the boulders is a mirror
To show lies
To hide the truth
To protect my heart from hungry eyes
Strewn around the boulders Lie bullets
Millions of bullets
upon bullet there is a name
I have not found my name yet but time runs out
Around the bullets there are chains
Chaining my heart to ground so that it will never be swept away
So that even a tidal wave will not affect me
Around that there are rags
These rags stink
They arex *****
They are disgusting
And finally around that is my heart
My fake heart
The one I show a girl whom does not love me
This is the heart everyone sees
This is my protecting heart


Please darling go to my heart
For me please darling
Go to the fake one and see through it
Remove it darling
Then after that look at my rags
And use them to clean your tears
And clean my rags
And fold them up and pack them away
Then my darling the chains are there
They are strong
No person has broken them
Please be stronger than the chains my darling
Break them and fix me
Break them and sweep me off my feet
Then my darling I will kiss you and care for you
My darling please do not stop
Go to the bullets and find mine
Put it in your pocket and never lose it
Then my darling look in the Mirror
And use it to see beauty in me  
Please my darling tell me I am beautiful
Please My darling
Then roll the boulders away
Show me
Show me you are willing to work for me and my heart
Then my darling take the gun and load it
Load it with the bullet you found then
Shoot yourself in the leg
Make me a part of you
My darling
Do this and I will love you
My darling please be my darling