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 Sep 2015 Classified
Jay Ash
 Sep 2015 Classified
Jay Ash
I've smiled a long time
a habit i guess...

smiling isn't all that great
smiles are almost always fake

i've often wondered:
"why is it abnormal to be sad?"

when can we stop smiling
and not be treated as sick
 Apr 2015 Classified
i still remember the way your lips would always curl up in a smile and i hate to admit that it still makes me smile and i keep thinking about the day you'll come back to me like it's guaranteed like it's written in the script but when it comes to love nobody ever keeps their promises. the other day i told someone that i was never in love with you. that you were nothing but a faint memory, a blur hidden in my past but my voice trembled when i said it just like it always does when i tell a lie. i remember when you said that i would move on faster than you could ever try to and trust me i have tried my ******* hardest to love anyone else but it has been ten months and every time i hear your name i feel my breath catch in my throat and my vision becomes blurry and i ******* miss you. i have been trying to distract myself from you i have been pouring my heart out to people who could not care less about me i keep wishing someone else would break my heart but that would require me to still have one.
My love.....

My love....

My sweet bitter love
Caress my heart in your hands
Touch my soul with your heavenly icey fingers
Make me feel alive and not alone
Please my love....

Press your head against my chest
Touch my arms
Make me feel like a bird
Soaring across the vastness of your beauty

My love.....

My sweet bitter love
Look into my painful eyes
Let me look into your abyssally deep eyes
Let my lips drift slowly towards yours
Let me kiss you
my love
Let me feel your passion
Your pain.....


Please my love...
My love.....
My bitter sweet love
Put your arms around me
Pull me tight
Chest against chest
Let me feel your heart
Let me feel your love
Let me feel your smooth skin
Let me feel your passionate gaze
Let me feel your lips against mine

My love....

My bitter sweet love

Let me kiss your smooth silken neck
Let me caress your suple *******
Let me feel your skin against mine
Let me feel the sweat
Streaming off our bodies
Let me feel your heart and soul
Mingling with my own

Let us intertwine

My love.....

My Bitter Sweet Love

I love you
A fantasy
 Nov 2014 Classified
 Nov 2014 Classified
I would want to spend my every minute with you,
I would rather read the expressions of your face than do to a book.
Count the freckles on your back than do to a star .
Hold your hand than do to a warm cup of coffee on a frozen night.
I would want you to spend your every minute with me,
But none can .
You cant because you're with her
And i cant because
You smile when you say you love her.

So i will read my book closely and imagine your expressions closer,
I will count the stars as if they were your freckles and the night's your back under the dim light
I will hold the cup of coffee and pretend its yours .
I will smile when you tell me you love her .
 Sep 2014 Classified
im sorry i didn't answer my phone
that night. i told you "i'll only be a hour,
i promise,"
but you didn't inform me that you were leaving too. twenty missed calls. one text.
"i can't do this anymore, please
pick up, what do i do?"

im sorry i got mad at you that one day, screamed, left, and cried. you always told me i was too emotional and to toughen up inside. you said you'd always be by my side, although i think you failed to define always, and mention, that soon, you'd be saying goodbye.
im sorry i wasn't as bubbly as you on the days you smiled with your teeth. the days you got confident and decided you were free. the days you came and tugged my hand, got this idea, like school was something we could afford to flee.
im sorry that when i questioned
you about the cuts and bruises, i allowed you to tell me "it's nothing, don't worry about it, i'm fine."
im sorry when your mom left
you home that night, you looked
but didn't find. you said you called exactly after an hour, but i wasn't anywhere around.
im sorry they teased and picked on you, called you names, pulled your hair, and kicked you down.
im sorry, i swear i ran as fast as i could after i was done. my mile takes me ten, maybe fifteen minutes, at least.
im sorry i got there too late and understood all your pain after you put it in ink.

im sorry... im so sorry... im right
here, you see? can we talk about this? rethink it?
just please, promise you'll visit me tonight while i sleep.
suicide is something that has a great impact on my heart and something i feel very seriously about. this is in honor of anyone who has dealt with a loss or experienced suicidal thoughts.
Guess what
You are not what you think your are
You may think your lips are ugly
I still want them on mine
You may think your hips are fat
I still want to put my hands on it
You may think your face is ugly
I still want to caress it
You may think your figure is unattractive
I still want to feel it pressed up against me
You may think you are stupid
I still want to talk to you
You may think your scars are ugly
I still want to hear every story
You may think your eyes are ugly
I still get lost in them
You may think your nose Is ugly
I still want to give it a rub with mine
You may think you are needy
I still want to hold you
You may think you are rude
I still prefer your company
You may dislike every part of yourself
I will still disagree with you
Now and until my breath completely runs out

You may hateyourself
But I still love you
Daddy! Daddy! Can I be a superhero when I grow up? Like superman. Or batman!*

of course you can. You cqn be anything you want

We no longer dream
I always wanted to be flash
Or the green lantern
I went through I spiderman phase but that passed

Then I grew up a little bit
And I wanted to be batman
I mean he is the only feasible superhero
His gadgets are possible
His martial arts are possible
As a whole he can actually happen
That's why I loved him
I still wanted to be a superhero

I no longer think it's possible
It would be fun to have laser eyes
Or sick fighting moves
But it's just a dream.....
So knowing its not possible
So we stop dreaming
We might want to save everybody
But we know its not possible
Not a good write
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