We can have fun if you lettuce.
Just tossing salad puns.
I'll try not to wilt.
For I'll try dressing these
Puns to your appetite.
If I promise to pepper my puns,
Maybe you won't throw salt.
I should leaf this alone
Because I'm no chef.
I am Caesar of salad puns!
You'd toss tomatoes at me if you could.
Are salad poems rotten yet?
I should compost these puns.
Is this like watching grass grow?
Salad puns can be cheesy.
How much green would you
Pay me to stop regurgitating
Food puns?
If you read this,
I owe you the rest of the meal,
Now that I wet your appetite.

Her chill
Sends tears down my cheeks
Like a cataract over a hill

Her snow
Slaps my face
Like a **** slaps a ***

Her ice
Makes me slip
Like an alcoholic's vice

Smashing the ice with a sledge hammer is exhausting
Pounding, sweating, blisters pulsating
Slowly chipping away at the vastness of frozen emotions
Yet, the ice is formidable from months of winter

Forced to recalculate, to innovate, to anticipate
Salt has the ability to melt ice into tears of joy
Unless the salt solvates in open wounds

Progress freezes until nature's spring decides
The sun is enlightened enough to slowly
Allow thawing in his Mother's time

Plaid slacks
Feather cap
Argyle socks
Flip phone
Mullet hair
Greasy hands
Crusted fingernails
White belt
Sketchy beard
Members only
Casio watch
Deck shoes
Muscle shirt
Tribal tattoo
Chest hair
Plumbers crack

You look great, Mom!

Woke up this mornin'
Barely knew where I was.
Woke up this mornin'
Still feelin' a buzz.
Woke up this mornin'
Mouth tasted like fuzz.

What day's it today?
Don't nobody know.
What day's it today?
Do I got some place ta go?
What day's it today?
Jumped up and stubbed my toe.

It's Monday mornin'!
I got an achin' head.
It's Monday mornin'!
I want ta stay in bed.
It's Monday mornin'!
I'm wishin' I was dead.

I got the Monday mornin' blues
Not the day I'd choose!
Got the Monday mornin' blues
Wishin' I had me some *****
In da game a life, I AWAYS, always lose!

The Monday mornin' blues
Got da blues!
Da Monday mornin' blues
Blues blues blues
The Monday mornin' bluuuuessss. . .
GOT DA BLUES!

The holidays are upon us
Time for family and fun
Some families put the fun in dysfunctional
But if yours is not one
Take comfort in this jewel
If your family put the FU in dysfunctional
You're no different from Gods that rule
Chronos, Zeus, and Aries
Make you brother, uncle, and mother
Look like happy fairies
Dysfunctional also spells love
If you drop the dysfunctiona
And add the OVE

I like apples
I like oranges

Apples are sweet with a crunch
Even when they are ****
The rewards are great
They are filled with nutrition
The skin is even good for the teeth
But every once in awhile
One is spoiled or rotten
Or worse, filled with creepy crawlers
Yet the refreshing burst
Of beneficial flavor is hard to refuse

I love oranges, the color alone
Sunshine in my hand
Puts a smile on my face
Before I even take a bite
When they are sweet
Nothing cold be better
They make my life healthy and happy
However, they, occasionally, can be bitter
Or spoiled or not glow so bright
Yet even at their most sour times
Or when they are not the freshest
I love them more than life itself

So it's obvious to me
Given the choice between the two
It is no contest
My love for oranges is rare

Yet I've been granted a special opportunity
I have been offered a bushel of apples
Though they are tasty
I don't want to only eat them

Apples or oranges?
I can eat the apples and still enjoy
The flavor burst of the oranges
The apples may even help me to
Enjoy the oranges even more
And cherish the time I have to
Nourish my bobby and mind
With their sweet nectar

I like apples
I love oranges
I can enjoy both
Without letting any spoil
With the right proportions

I just won't try to
Eat cake too!

Eggnog and whiskey, eggnog and whiskey
Come on baby whisk me ....... Away
Holiday cheer and Holiday beer
Come on maybe take their ....... Blues away
Toast to life's disappointments
Life's disappointments today

I got those, we got those, we got yo
Holiday blue,  blues, .... blues
I got the Christmas bluuuuse
Those family.... Those Holiday
Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse
We got the Holiday blues

Santa's a comin', drummer boys drummin'
I make my simple .... list
That you will forgive me and just stop bein' .... ******
I made mistakes but baby it's you that I miss
I'll stop the drinkin' if you stop thinkin'
That I'm the devil .... to you
That's why my white Christmas ... is blue
Forget the gifts and the mistletoe
I just don't want you to go
No, I just don't want you to go

Eggnog and whiskey, eggnog and whiskey
Come on baby whisk me ....... Away
Holiday cheer and Holiday beer
Come on maybe take their ....... Blues away
Toast to life's disappointments
Life's disappointments today

I got those, we got those, we got yo
Holiday blue,  blues, .... blues
I got the Christmas bluuuuse
Those family.... Those Holiday
Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse
We got the Holiday blues

A new year's a comin' but you keep on runnin'
New year's a time for fresh starts
So baby I get 365 ...  new hearts
I'll give them to you
So you so can  keep tearin' 'em apart
On midnight I'll be waitin'
I've got my faith in your heart
If you don't show, my heart will moan
But I won't be kissin' alone
'Cause I got my friends in a ... glass
They'll fight the blues
When I'm stuck kissin' your ... ***

Eggnog and whiskey, eggnog and whiskey
Come on baby whisk me ....... Away
Holiday cheer and Holiday beer
Come on maybe take their ....... Blues away
Toast to life's disappointments
Life's disappointments today

I got those, we got those, we got yo
Holiday blue,  blues, .... blues
I got the Christmas bluuuuse
Those family.... Those Holiday
Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse
We got the Holiday blues

Guilty pleasure
But time I treasure
Just you and I
No kids' screaming cry
No wife to bark orders
As we seek new borders
I stroke your limbs
My ego brims
You ride me away
From stresses in my day
Your frame is so light
I ride you just right
You transport my life
In a different way than my wife
I love the both of you
To you both I'll be true
But with you I'm physical
My wife is mystical
You create such sweat
The drips make you soaking wet
As I crank you on ascents
And coast down long descents
I get light headed
Nothing you do is dreaded
You carry me away
So I just needed to say
You are my mistress, my queen
I don't want to be obscene
But if loving you is wrong
Why does my wife sometimes ride along

She thinks
She feels
She ponders
She breathes
She contemplates
She lives in pieces
She wonders
She suffers torment
She remains foot-in-mouth free

Gorgeous blue skies
Disneyland magic
World of Color
Pacific cruisin'
Beverly Hills bravado
Venice Beach eccentrics
Celebrities' celestial abodes
California Screamin'
Yet it's for you I'm dreamin'

Ships, boats, seafaring vessels, and barks of yore
Showcased in acclaimed poetry
From Homer to Donne to Flores
Metaphors to represent sundry notions

Ships
Uncontrollably swirled in an unforgiving sea

An arc
persecuting the sinners ******

A shipwreck
on a desolate island, defining a lost soul

A speed boat
Perhaps, mans' innate desire to escape
Or searching for lands unknown

What marvels poets behold in ships?

If I scribed a verse about a yonder vessel
It would be a childish innuendo
About a ships mast
Or I'd make an astounding observation
Such as ships are big boats.

However, poets, true visionaries
Scope massive ships from
Microscopic aspects of daily life.

And I. . . I look at a powerful ship
And think I'm a little dingy.

My father was a plumber and more
He is gone now with much forlorn
I miss his advice and lore
A leak sparked memory
Of great days of yore
Advice I seek
To fix my
Toilet
Leak

You are my uniform
You give me confidence
You make me look sophisticated
Professional, and sovereign
I sport you with pride

At the end of the day
I crumple you into a ball
And toss you in the hamper
A new uniform awaits
Pressed in the closest

Everything I needed to know, I learned from a bathroom stall.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a phone call to make.
I want to have a good time.
This Gena must live in Disneyland or a carnival.

Young Shepard

Come back home to me, myself
Put ye books back on the shelf
Play with me in the green wheat field
Splash in the stream, tell life to yield


Wise Shepard

O' truth you speak, it is quite grand
I ran and played and breathed the land
You're a fool with flowers and sun
Bills to pay and work to be done


Young Shepard

Blue skies, dream clouds, escape in shapes
Pick apples, eat homemade pies, grapes
Bike hills and valleys, roll in grass
Clouds and life float peacefully past


Wise Shepard

Only if it was possible
To dream I could, I'd be a fool
Beware, retrospect breeds false scope
Family love,  blue skies: life, hope

Snow
Dances
And floats down
White haze backdrop
Filling the window
Romantic fantasies
Sleigh rides and hot chocolate
Childhood dreams of fun and frolic
Coating the earth in white beauty
That beaches and sun will never know

It's too hot to think
And there ain't enough to drink,
It's too hot to think
And there ain't enough to drink!
I don't know what to do
Cause I can't get over you.
I got those summertime blues
And they worse without you.
I got I got I got the bluuuuues

Yea, I got sweat runnin down my back
There ain't nothin, nothin like that
Yea, got sweat in my shoes
There ain't nothin left to do
Got those summertime blues
Cause there's no more sweatin with you
Yea, I like the way you sweat, baby
Better than the whiskey I can get
Yea, I liked the way we sweat, baby
From the hot day that we met
Now there ain't no more sweatin oooo...
Cause there aint no more of you

I got those summer summertime blues
You gave me the summertime blues
Can't get rid of the summer time blue
There just ain't enough cold *****
Got the summertime bluuuuse

Who you sweatin with now baby?
Who you sweatin with now baby?
Whose coolin in yo love?
I got no more you baby
You took away my drug!

Please come back lady!
Take away my blues
Come on back now baby!
I'm runnin out of *****.
It's too hot for fightin
That's not the sweatin I wanna do!

I got the summer summertime blues
Got the blue blue bluuuuse
The summertime blues baby
Got the hot hot blues baby
The summertime blues

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Emotionally my feelings are poetically ineffable

Is Easter
All about eggs
Or is it about bunnies
Or maybe about chocolate
It should be about true sacrifice
And hardships and determination
For brotherhood and kinship for all
And, of course, the Lord Jesus  Christ
For worshipping, dedicated Christians
But really, it is about all kinds of eggs
Beautifully colored hard boiled eggs
Many solid, milk chocolate eggs
Peanut better fudge eggs
Even poetic eggs

His name is Zachary James
But he's shouted at by many names
Running man or crazy jogger
Pushing all he needs in a stroller
Dodging cars like a game of Frogger
His passion for running is a benefactor  
Of his compassion for humanity
Running across the country is insanity
Knows politics better than Sean Hannity
A motor city kid and an Eastern Michigan grad
Thought he'd run to correct a world gone mad
Our paths crossed on the vicious highway 322
If you're lucky, fate will send him your way too
I'm proud to host such a fine young philanthropist
But soon he'll run off into the mysterious mist
Yet he will jog on proud and steadfast
With our help reaching his goals at last
Run for the children and for the love of running
Run for life and eternity hereafter coming

Alway with a "How do ya do?"
And a please and thank you
Oh' Southern Queen
If you know what I mean
So kind and lady like
Reading poetry on the back of a motorbike
Greeting  strangers as ol' kin
Treating rudeness as a sin
Southern hospitality's her life
Winks at all, yet a loyal wife
Strong in the face of fire
Humanity's her true desire
Can get tough when needed
Her warnings best be heeded
She is handsome as well
A true Southern Bell

Oh' Southern Queen
Thanks for enhancing our scene
You treated my family as your own
Making us feel right at home
For that I give this humble rhyme
You're welcome across the Mason Dixon anytime!

8% Remaining, Poets Dilemma
Just Breathe
When Snow Falls, Laughter Cries
Words Reveal ~ Words Shade

Cruel Irony, Sweet Awakening
Utopia
New and Improved, First Born
My Son My Stars, Princess Perfect

Elegy for American Road Cycling
Spooncycle
Dreams, Forever Home
Companionship, Magic Moon

To the Woman, To the S.O.B.
Ineffable
Ephemeral Perfection, Momentary Perfection
The Effect, Hello, Hello Poetry

My job is to bake cakes
I once magically created cakes of every hue
Cakes that tasted like fruit or cream
And others that were super sweet
Still, others that were filling and heathy
I was only limited to my creativity

Then the cake bosses
Ordered me to bake only vanilla cakes
They said that all cakes are the same
And my cakes must meet their standards
Yet their criteria was vanilla and plain
I was forced to throw off the fruit and cream
And mute the rainbow of colors
Even to add vanilla and sugar to my heathy cakes

If that wasn't bad enough
The cake bosses pressured me to fill unrealistic quotas
And to treat all of the cakes the same
Even though they are, naturally, flavored differently
Then my budget was cut and bakers were downsized
Next, I had more cakes to bake and less time to prepare
I was even told to do without eggs and milk
But the cakes must meet even higher standards

How does this taste?
Does it leave a bad taste in your mouth too?
It's not a piece a cake
But I choose to bake on
Believing that I can still bake special cakes
The batter just gets thicker everyday

You so lazy
You swallow food whole
You so lazy
Your clothes are tired
You so lazy
You got roots for toes
You so lazy
You won't read this

You so ugly
You momma don't keep a picture
You so ugly
Your dog is embarrassed to be seen with you
You so ugly
You so ugly your fat hides from you in your ***
You so ugly
You scare the dark

You so crazy
You think you're the only sane one
You so crazy
You can understand people talking in tongues
You so crazy
You're like everyone's X combined in one
You so crazy
Charlie Sheen and Amanda B. think you're out of control

You so dumb
I          need           to            talk          s l o w l y
You so dumb
It took you a month to read lips, tough word
You so dumb
The best three years of your life were third grade
You so dumb
You make this poem look like a smart idea

Poetry invents jocular joy
Limpid loquaciousness rejoice
Heuristic verbiage to deploy
Poetry invents jocular joy
Dancing with Shakespeare and Tolstoy
Mellifluous melodic voice
Poetry invents jocular joy
Limpid loquaciousness rejoice

Wanted: her words!
Her inspired, breathless,
Sighing words
Needed for motivation
Desired for an elixir
Of broken hearts and corrupt minds

Wanted: her words!
Her mellifluous panacea
Breathing life into the inanimate
Defining the undefinable
And finding felicity in the fugacious

Wanted: her words!
Her intransigent, sagacious,
And judicious lyrics
Publicly educating and passionate
Privately  life's denouement
Her words are wanted

Opening day
Is extra special
For a Pirates fan
We are tied
For first place
Even in
Wins and losses
Looking forward
To the playoffs
Go Buccos!
After twenty
Years of loosing
A world record
Of loosing
We need this
One day
To feel good
Before we
Lose again
Maybe not
This might
Be our year
Opening day
Optimists

You are my iPad
I turn you on
With the flip of your cover
You hang on every
Word I type
You see me clearly
With your HD eye
When I'm wrong
You autocorrect me
But I appreciate it
You have many
Advanced functions
I surf your capabilities
With a flick of my finger
Like come hither
You are
Entertainment
And knowledge
You help me smile
And laugh
When I need it most
You are my iPad
An escape from the world
That's not virtual
If your battery fades
I will recharge you
You are my iPad
Now, I don't
Remember
How I lived
Without you

I pedaled for the adventure
I pedaled for the thrill
I pedaled my fat ***
Up each and every hill

From my house across the state
From East Pa., west to New Jersey
From mountains to quaint towns
In sweat drenched shorts and yellow jersey

People asked me why I dId it
People asked me how
People asked me what's in Jersey
I smiled and said, "The WOW"

Wow, it's what my family said
Wow, is what I felt in my heart
Wow, is what I still say today
I'm glad I had the guts to start

I pedaled for the adventure
I pedaled for the thrill
I pedaled my fat ***
Up each and every hill

The Nigerian Princess
Philanthropist at her best
Could rule the world with her mind and soul
But healing Nigeria is her overall goal
The Nigerian Princess
She is more than less
I'd crown her queen
For her debut scene
Is literacy in Nigeria
She is Queen Panacea