it's the memory of a time
stripped down to my underwear
wrapped in your bedding
wrapped in your arms
the closeness we shared,
the laughter
and the happiness
that i want to relive

maybe only momentarily
and very rose-tinted
i want to feel you again

Stop creating leaders
Stop creating believers
Stop telling people who they should follow

Lead yourself
Believe in yourself
Follow yourself

I remember waking up very early the next morning,
maybe three hours after I fell asleep on the bathroom floor.

I tiptoed through the house, careful not to wake anybody up,
even the guy who kept telling you to drink
even though you very kindly asked him to stop.

I'm not sure if you ended up drinking,
I forgot most of what happened that night,
but I remember shouting from the tire swing
that I loved you and that I loved you
and that I loved you.

I found where you were sleeping,
relieved to find no body next to yours,
and calmly placed a hand on your forehead.
You stirred, before gently grabbing my hand as it pulled away.

Eyes still closed,
you asked me how I felt.

I feel okay, nothing appears to be broken.

You said nothing and went back to sleep.
I said nothing and sat there for a long while.
I watched your chest rise and fall with each breathe,
and I loved you and I loved you and I loved you.

After a time I stepped outside to smoke a thought,
and the thought I smoked was not of you or of the night before
but of my mother.
She told me,
after I brought home my first date, two months into my freshmen year of high school,
that just because I desire somebody's love,
does not mean I deserve it.

I loved you and I loved you and I loved you
but I did not deserve your love.

Like hot wax
I melt
hoping to fall to your lips
and burn them a heavy red.

Like a box cutter
I use my nails and make scars on your wrists
and my tongue laps the blood that pours.

Like a syringe
I feed into you
and currate the disease.

Like a cigarette
I beg you to breath me in
even if it kills you.

Like alcohol
I want you to drink me
until you lose control.

Like ***
I want you to crave me
and scream your arousal.

Like an addiction
I want you to need me
every hour
of every day.

I called you and said
"Mom my chest hurts I can't walk, I can barely breathe."
I had never known so much pain
You didn't sound scared or worried
You simply asked questions
I responded as best as I could
You were silent and then told me to grab the antacids
You told me that you would call once you got to work
I waited for you to call, even though I felt better
You called back and I listened to your voice as the antacids melted my pain

Your voice always soothes me
Even when you are mad or screaming

Whenever I'm in pain
Whether it be a broken arm or heart
A dull ache in my back or head
The simplest touch makes me feel better

Even when you annoy me
And I just want to yell at you and say "Shut up."
You still make me feel better when you call me a good daughter

You gossip too much
And you talk too much trash
You overreact
You overprotect
You over do it
But you're my mom
And no matter what happens I know you will be there
Just one phone call and you'll pick up expecting the worst
But will be relieved by what I have to say
You won't be mad
You will just say "It will be okay"

Thank you

in two year's time
you won't remember
my favorite color
or my favorite food

in five year's time
you won't remember
the texture of my hair
or the feel of my skin

in ten year's time
you won't remember
my name or my hair color
except that they were both odd

in fifteen year's time
you won't remember
exactly what i looked like
(were her eyes blue or green?)
except that you thought i was pretty

in twenty year's time
you won't remember
me at all

except when you're hanging out at the bar
with the guys from work
and you talk about young romance
and you say
"there was once this girl,
but i can't remember
her name"

I fell in love with you the moment I met you.
And many times since then.

I remember when I first met you.
I handed the mic to you
and you nervously introduced yourself.

I fell in love with your words first,
and you second.

I fell in love with the way they rolled of your lips
and caused my heart to palpitate.

I fell in love with the way you smile
and how it caused my lips to curl into one of my own.

I fell in love with the way your words eased my anxiety away to nothing
and I how I was able to think around you.

I fell in love with you
and I have been continuing to do so every time
I hear your voice,
read your words,
or see your face.

I came to you at night,
in my dreams,
but I awoke with cold feet
and an ache in my heart.

In my mind I brought you carnations and you brought me
love.

Your mother told you kissing me must be like kissing an ashtray.
You told her you'd rather kiss this ashtray
than the sweetest strawberries.

Why did you say that?

What could be more perfect than rain?
What could be more beautiful?

It falls and brings life to wherever it falls.
It breathes life into this lifeless landscape
and allows it to breathe.

Rain is a gift from God
and I am sorry for those
who do not drop to their knees
and thank their god for rain.
Thank nature for rain,
thank the universe,
but you have to be thankful.

Rain refreshes,
and it soothes
and it calms
and I cannot think of anything
more perfect than the rain.

April showers bring May flowers
and that is beautiful.