There's a pane of glass

Between me and the rest.

Inches thick and it feels like it

Thickens with age.

A growing television screen,

A window scene,

A phone in the dark that's glowing,

An imaginary distant dream

Leaving me on the outside.

A passerby,

A drifter,

Watching movies play as I continue my way.

And I watch and I watch,

I watch my life away.

If you love someone, then why is it hard to say it?

Why is it hard to tell them and count the ways they have somehow

Rooted themselves within you as your favorite person?

Quite a confusing conundrum.

Because in my head we live in world's unknown, and

I can bare the deep vulnerability that comes with the words.

I can say it, shout it, sing it, paint it, all in my own dream world.

Why couldn't I say it in depth, in description,

even if I lay on death bed?

The desperation that builds in my chest, in my throat, and sinks and wrenches my stomach until it sinks

Because I just want to tell you.

Yet, when it's time I go blank in mind.

Why?!

This makes me feel like I don't love you at all..

But that answer isn't right either..

I just hate that I am bad with words.

My own articulations are like hooks without bait.

And I cast and I cast and I cast my line

but yet, no words come to bite..

I'm just a stranded, confused girl, on a boat in the middle of the sea of love, ultimately at a loss with myself.

I'm sorry that I have never really been that good at fishing.

And some days
I don’t even want to eat
Evolutionary phenomena
Distorting my own body
Obsession with being empty
And some times
I wanna plug my nose
And have the inside of head
Cloud with deep breaths
Scratch behind my eyelids
Please
My mind is destroying me
I am desperate
I am on a life boat
In the middle of the sea
There’s isn’t that much life left in me
No one is coming to rescue me
I am alone
The same way
I have always been
Neglect hides In my teeth
My parents didn’t take care of me
My dad never said I love you  
Old cavities

Today I woke up and I already knew
It was going to be
An Everything day.

It's what I call the days that you wake up and feel like your head is already full of bees,
And your stomach doesn't quite feel easy but rather queesy.
When I roll over to try to assimilate while I take in deep breaths, and as I stare at my ceiling I feel like my chest is exploding with every feeling under the sun.
I close my eyes as I try to decompress the vast,
Swirling Galaxy trying to remain contained within.
And the sounds of the fan in the background feels like the winds of a high mountain top and the light that randomly billows in feels like it's absorbing into my skin.

I breathe in
And feel it all fill my lungs with more than air but
Life!

And on the breath out, it all zooms back to me.

I go from the top of the cold Mountain view and it's icy winds that I was just breathing in, pulled back to the fan and the light in my window and as I exhale more air; the further I come back to my mind, my eyes open and there's that ceiling again.

The emotions and the thoughts still slowly swirling in and around me like the creamy designs that twirl clockwise in coffee after stirring.

I try to breathe,
But it just expands me more,
I breathe out,
I shrink into nobody
Until I become
No Thing.

How can I constantly feel
Everything and Nothing
All at once... For eternity...