Do you still look for me

In all the people

You constantly escape in

To forget you're running from

How much you hate yourself?

I have this desire lately
To become one with the
Spaces in between the stars.

The darkness,
The black matter
Where there is nothing
But also everything.

To be One,
Whole,
Infinity.

Have you ever felt like you were being shoved through a tiny hole,
But like, for your soul?

I feel like right now
I'm getting squeezed into
juice,

Squished and turned and wrung out.

Turned to a pulp.

I guess becoming a more purified form
Of what I once was?

Now I wonder sometimes
If it'd be miserable
To be an orange.

It fell slowly,
By each finger letting go,
One by one.

I had such tightly clasped hands
Holding up my mask
But I realized
It gets you nowhere
Fast.

We'll see how much longer we teeter
On the fake pretences I was upholding.

Will you finally pick up your weight and bring back balance?
Or will we fall together and collapse?

I can't smile at you anymore.
I can't kiss you without my heart cringing.
I can't hug you without flinching.
I don't want you to touch me
Unless you've learned how meet me in all the places you left me behind.
You've been just as selfish as I have
Except the difference is,
You've always known what you were doing.

You lie behind my back,
You cry behind my back,
You become empty
Instead of reach for me
And now I am empty too.

No more accommodation.
No more self sacrifice.
And if that's not enough for you
Well this whole thing never sufficed.

I am completely disatisfied
And yet I've cried behind the smiling mask
Mostly for the fact
That our hands are tied.

I never wanted to raise our little stars seperately,
But they might be better off
Spread out across distances,
Like stars in the night sky.

If you ever cared about me
More than you cared about yourself
If you ever cared more about them,
Then we'd have burned forever
Instead of becoming candle melt.

I won't play a part any longer,
No more masks.
With all that being said,
Let's see how long we last.