All the times that you whispered, "You don't love me,"
I came back tenfold shouting, "Yes, I do! Yes dad I do!"
But my kisses fell on the ground, the wind could not carry them far enough.
But my words fell upon deaf ears, ears that must have been burned off once from your own days in the past.
But my eyes could not have been teary enough, my heart must not have felt it enough, my soul must not have shouted it enough.
Was I just not enough?
I watched that door everyday since it was "the right thing" to do to say goodbye to Dad on his way out to work.
God the torturous mornings of feeling my heartbreak in tiny pieces every time I had to say goodbye because I just wanted you to feel it.
I just wanted you to hear it.
But you couldn't. You can't. You won't.
And I've seen the back door close in my face so many times
That one day I let it close on my heart instead,
And no matter how many times you knock,
Or bang,
Or yell,
I will not come.
I will not hear you
And instead of coming to the door I so desperately wish I could open,
I won't even put myself through touching the ******* door ****.
******* Dad. Narcissistic Personality Disorder.