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Don't leave me I asked softly
Don't leave me because of my illness.
Don't leave me I asked softly
Don't leave me because my days are difficult.
Don't leave me I asked softly
Don't leave me because my illness is not your burden.
Don't leave me I asked softly
Don't leave me because my illness won't allow me to love you right.
Don't leave me I asked softly
Don't leave me because I still love you.
Don't leave me I asked softly
Don't leave me because I wouldn't know what to do without you.
Don't leave me I asked softly
Don't leave me because I am still so terrified.
Don't leave me I asked softly
Don't leave me because you can't deal with it.
... Wait, where are you going?
Please don't leave me I asked softly.
Don't leave me because I don't know what to do without you ...
Originally Written: 02/10/2016
Sometimes, depression makes people leave because they don't know how to deal with it ...
not because i thought of you.
most would say that would be it. most would say
that i should be doing the following:
distancing,
(severing)
forgetting,
(NEVER)
and moving on.
(but carrying you with me)
i am trying to do all those.
(with all the strength inherent in me)
(but Christ I am so weak)
but the failure is not thinking of you.
(it wasn’t, and never will be)
the failure is THIS:
i don’t know how to
(act?)
(express?)
(feel?)
for you.
i don’t know how to
care about you.
(i am too selfish)
(i am too possessive)
(i am too doubtful)
my failure today is that i did not figure out how to love you, my dear.
not today.

oh God, not today.
For Alyssia.
I'm
             drowning
                         in light,
                In blinding light:
Lights on cars; and buildings;
and lit up trees lining lit up streets;
             Houses with sills all lined in gold
And diamond; silver glitter glued onto mould;
Street lamps; and laser pointers; and
Towers; neon lights dotted with flowers
Of plastic sun; hoardings and billboards,
With bright teeth and skin and red words
Everywhere you turn,
Telling you what you want
And never knew you wanted;
Shop windows; chandeliers;
Presents for that time of year;
Cell phone pylons with twinkling,
Bright lights on top, like Christmas trees;
Christmas trees, with stars and angels
Speckled, Frosted,
Dusted on the tops;
Disgusting glare on sunglasses,
And a smiting gaze along the arms;
Bridges and fountains with gold poured on;
Platinum bands in every size, laying all forlorn;
Bedside lamps; and taxis; and taxi stands;
Every window, but the ones
Being jumped off of;
TVs and refrigerators, opened
Thoughtlessly at night;
Screens shooting onto impassive glass
That used to be faces;
Cameras, going off in quick succession,
Quicker than you can keep up;
I'm drowning.
We are taught desire, in light,
We learn to read in light
and scarlet letters of fluorescence
We are blind,
Now that the road is paved for us,
To the light that was before.
Goodbye, jungle of pylons and scrapers of the sky. I will live among your shards no longer.

My first list poem (that actually remained a list poem by the time I was done with it)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCzccXAF8Lo

— The End —