As dawn approached I heard the news
they told me you had gone
the sun it shone in bluest sky
the birds chirped out their song
and here I sat with paperback
emblazoned with your name
as sadness visited a while
upon this fateful day.
The gift you gave in sweetest words
entrusted to us all
and now your heart has answered
the final sirens call
with heavy heart I write these words 
for you will write no more
in paper tomes you will live on
In peace forever more.

I wanted to say thankyou
To everyone that reads
The poems of this woman
with her heart upon her sleeve
Your comments really move me
and never fail to raise a smile
it makes this urge I have to write
seem all the more worthwhile.
I love to read your poems too
they always lift my mood
some sad, some mad, some funny
and some are downright rude!
I guess that what I want to say
and the way to put it best
is I've never touched so many folks
Without fear of arrest. :-)

He runs through her fingers like sand
the warmth of him
his breath on her neck
a touch of his hand
then nothing
as time steals him away
leaving her lonely still.

You think I'm still here
Funny that,
I left just after you left, remember?
I didn't return when you did.

You just walked back in, remember?
her rust still on your tongue,
covered in shards of your broken heart.

Pitiful.

Wanting me to pick up your pieces.
Me, the one you dropped and shattered
Me, bearer of children, believer of lies.

Shamed.

While her memory cut you deep
it was me that healed your wounds
with the warm, self loathing comfort
of doing it for the kids.

Used.

You apologised, profusely, wrapped in crocodile tears 
yet the guilt was all mine.

Apparently.

You think I'm still here
Funny that...

I sometimes stand alone and stare
at time worn face and wayward hair
that frames green eyes with brightest red 
and do not recognise myself

Where is the girl that once belonged
to laughter, dancing, love and song
who always saw with lovers eyes
and sugar coated all her lies

She lingers somewhere far from here
a memory vague to those held dear
too long she has been kept apart
from you, the captor of her heart.

I only know that
during lingering kisses
my darkness lifts for a moment
as your soul touches mine.

Sometimes.
when sat.
waiting.
If I listen closely.
I hear.
between ticks.
their mocking.
of my longing.
to be free.

Is it so wrong
that you are my waking breath?
the unseen force that weighs my eyelids into blissful dreams?
Is it so wrong that your very touch stirs my soul?
How can it be so?

On crowded streets they meet
stealing warmth and kisses
as the hubbub melts away
leaving only them
alone in their misdeeds
together in their longing
for a different ending that cannot be.

They tell me I'm bipolar
I'm not sure what that means
other than my life is ruled
by council run care teams
They tell me to stop cutting 
They tell me not to jump
I'm quite surprised they don't take notes
each time I take a dump
They worry I'm too happy
then panic when I'm low
at this point my emotions
have nowhere else to go.

They say I'm schizophrenic
and part of me agrees
The other part is not so sure
and screams at all she sees
They say I'm not "engaging"
as I sit here on my bed
but engaging isn't easy
with these voices in my head.
so they fill me with their poison
in many coloured pills
Some to cure the side effects
but none to cure my ills.


I am not a list of symptoms
I'm a person brave and true
but life dealt me it's harsher cards
so now I'm muddling through
I wish you'd seen me better
before all this took hold
I wish you'd heard my laughter
when I was free and bold
Most of all I wish you wouldn't judge as you walk by
or give me sympathetic looks with deep well meaning sighs.

In the end we're all just people
struggling on this mortal coil
some bury feelings deeply
while some bring them to the boil.
The moral to this poem,
for I know this much is true
all walks of life have lingered here
Someday "I" might be " you".

I am safe here
surrounded by my fortress
impenetrable to all but your smile.
If I were to tear it down at the sound of your laugh
Would you run?

Oh to live amongst the glitter of stars
In unbroken velvet silence.

We were
the most beautiful lie
ever told.

These inkstained fingers
bare my soul
naked and spiralling
I deceive myself with your memory.
It was you,
the first touch
on naked flesh
too young to grasp
the magnitude.
It was I
that loved your every breath
never questioning that I belonged
right there
within the warmth of your laugh.
It was time
that showed me it was a lie.

If I could wish anything for you
I'd wish for a world where you are loved always
Your laughter it's most precious sound
Your smile it's most wondrous gift
The quest for your heart
It's most fabulous adventure.

Funny Child
sparkling sapphire eyes
full of misadventurous adventure and whirlwind mutiny.
Never be still
For you are the beat of my heart.

Am I destined to always wander
in search of a love long passed?
Me, your bold and broken youth
You, my ever present ache.

Counting hours between seconds
Smiles between whiskey-warm sighs
As all between us is lost
In sideways glances and silent contempt.

On a stool he sits
at the beer sticky bar
his face deep furrows
his eyes sad pools once aflame
lost in memories of vigorous youth
and hearts broken.
Nicotine stained fingers tremble
and seek purchase on the cold unyielding glass.

He remembers the gleeful shouts of boyhood
all muddy hands and scraped knees
lollipops and liquorice
tally-**'s and triumphs
before the end.

He remembers a girl
bright eyed and winter wild
wrapped in lace and garlands.
and the dreams they shared of things to come.
He remembers tiny fingers, laced with his
and sleep-warm milky breath against his cheek,
his reflection in adoring eyes
before the end.

He remembers arguments won and wars fought
friends lost in battles raw
young men returning with torn futures
their glory but a murmur
before the end.

He breathes a fractured sigh in memory of ghosts
and gossamer thin echoes
His long dead comrades at his shoulder now
beckoning him away, for they know his time is nigh
" once more" he whispers in silent hope
Before the end.

Time marches on
fleet of foot
regardless of hope
in spite of love
it's beat, unwavering
drowns out our pleas.

A whisper escaping through ruby lips
and echoing through my fragile heart
A simple pact by a fool and his folly 
lays bleeding at my feet, betrayed.

Crimson curls strewn wildly
across a sleeping chest
bright as blood on snow
against sated skin
weary limbs entwined
supple in their satisfaction
as dappled sunbeams
light the spoils of their surrender.

I haunt myself in darkened rooms
a vague recollection of beauty
aged and worn by your changing tides
Solitary as driftwood on winter shores in your company
I sit
shadow silent in my absence
While busy hands do busy things to pass the numbing time.

We sat up high, we mighty kings
Gnarled branches our throne
Our sun kissed skin muddy
with tales of treasure to be found
and wild lands to be discovered.
We three, with grit grazed knees
and sweet strawberry breath,
hiding from the home-time calls of
clucking mothers with spit-wet handkerchiefs
our hand muffled giggles rising to the faded sky
in appreciation of a perfect day.

The sun mourns your absence,
her faded warmth muffled by wool- damp clouds
her once riotous light now muted
casting melancholy shades
over tear stained streets
as she listens for the echo of your laugh.

To all the times I held you
To all the times I cried
To all the times you hurt me
To all the times you lied
To all the times you screamed my name 
and the times I screamed yours back
To every bruise you gave me 
and for every bone you cracked.


To every name you called me
as your blows rained from above
To the corner that I cowered in
as you dealt out your "love"
To your friends that saw the battle scars and quickly turned away
To the drink that made you do it
even on your sober days.


I raise this glass to you my love
in thanks for all you've done
it took a while but now I see
that you're the damaged one
So when you're feeling lonely
Don't spare a thought for me
I cower there no longer
Your anger set me free.

What if love is just a word
Kicked around like dust
tripping off brazen tongues
in anticipation of pleasures spent.
Four letters in succession
to create one small sound
meaningless in it's utterance
triumphant in it's glory
as it dances across the lips of broken fools

We sit
While unspoken words
form scar tissue
On our bitter tongues

As she lies in the marble cold arms of her lover
she is still
Because she knows her soul is free
to soar through the darkness
under velvet sky
over blackened water
to where he sleeps
He that loves her darkness
He that lights her way

Should I kiss every inch of your skin?
gentle hands tracing your outline in the dark
warm skin pressed against yours
as our movements become one.
Should I whisper your name as I come undone?
Then, when we are still,
and trading quickened breaths
will you whisper my name to the beat of your heart.