I had a dream where I was in the middle of the sea on a small boat sailing to the unknown. I do not know if there was another soul accompanying mine, I may have seen a shadow or felt a presence. But I was struck by the awe beauty of the sun gracefully setting before me, it was bright lavender-pink. How divine! How perfectly sublime that scene was. But only I witnessed it. Alone, abandoned, and abhorred.

I looked around me for a clue of where I might be, but there was nothing. Nothing but a sea of crashing waves, and the still water underneath me. I, lost in a sea of nothingness without a compass nor a destination. Without a soul to soothe my frantic heart. Nor the tender touch of a lover’s hand gently pressed on my aching skin. But the sky was greater than my melancholy! It spreads like an endless cry, and its silent echo pierced my heart. I may have found peace for a brief moment there.

I then noticed the shimmering water that had scattered flickers of gold from the sun’s reflection, and I ardently longed to drink its glittering movement. Every glittery drop of water was solely trying to carry my heavy ocean of grief. I came to realize that when the sun and water kissed, the color gold was born. The sun’s final act of love was to surrender itself to the sea. To willingly drown in it. To melt into it; completely, each night. At dusk the two will always merge into one another—

But I, what was I to offer? Who was I to surrender myself to during love’s hour? Into whose arms shall I melt? I saw only insomnia’s fiendish grin when I tried to sleep. The never-ending night passes through me with its sharp silence leaving open wounds. Sometimes, it swallows me, and I remain consumed for months in its cruel solitary darkness. Ever since, I grew to fear the sun’s mournful absence, and I worshipped its light like a sunflower

—My anguished soul wished to cease this heavenly dream for eternity, and hold it close to my tormented flesh till I am healed. For I have never felt such profound waves of sadness and serenity. And before I awoke, I thought, “Even the sea cannot bring me consolation”.

On a night like this,
long ago,
I promised to die

I carried this heavy promise
in my scarred wrists
in my empty stomach
in my black lungs
in my sleepy eyes

I wish to finally sleep,
but I fear I may never
dream of you this time

I wonder if he
still sees me in his dreams

Or if he is
dreaming of another

Does the heat of
August burn his skin

Like his
cold absence burns mine

Why do I still ache
for him?

Oh darling one,
I fear I may have been
but a passing dream to
you

I beg of you,
do not go when
the comfortless sky
sinks into its rainy sadness

Winter is yet to come,
and I wish to be near you

The sweat of an orange
upon her upper lip,
melts into her skin

This mouth hungers
This heart yearns

They both burn
from their
ardent desire for her

I am feral lover
with a stubborn heart

It is true,
my love for you
is unwavering

But your absence pierced
this heart of mine
For eternity

I remembered the lines
of her shadow, and wept

Every line was an ardent poem,
and I worshiped the poetry of her