My idea of a good night is staying in
And technology serves as my friend
With a glass of wine or bottle of brew in my hand
Talking to a list of favorable foes on the web
Where conversations boarder between flirty and scholarly lines
And typed dialogues lead way to theoretical thoughts and inspirational designs
Pondering ignites a spark that surges in my mind
I’ll begin to research the fast array of thoughts that run through my brain
Fixated on scientific data, predicted trends and worldly traits
Eventually it’s not enough for my thought
I’ll try to fight the inevitable feeling that starts to form in my gut
Leading way to the breeding ground for butterflies
Factual documents begin to get lost in the shuffle
As my attentions now caught by an excerpt or rousing photo
New tabs are opened over the old
And I always find myself ending at the same place
Looking up poems about love and images elapsed from past days

My roots aren't here
They never were
I planted some crops
But they were imported
An ideal situation this land may be
To the adaptable, changing and innovative breeds
It is habitable to the natives and hybrids that are able to flourish
But me, my roots come from a different tree
They belong somewhere else
They always have
I can survive in new elements
But only with proper care and chemicals
The artificial adaptations eventually take their wear
And usually from the inside out
Without the natural nourishment I whither
So as thankful as I am for a land that harvested growth
It is essential to my survival that I find my proper home

Where should I even begin, my mind is ******* racing with observations, perceptions and lessons
A cluster of thoughts needing to be released
It's a hard thing to do with the recent pace of sudden changes
In combination with an overactive mind
I read a poem that said a wet face is better than a dry soul
And Lord knows the moment is coming when I will explode
I want the time to be sad and the strength to be weak
I want the confidence to speak or the discipline to write
I can’t deny the fact I feel sick and depressed
I can’t figure out where I learned to feel so numb on the outside
I want so bad to believe in hope and I am tired of feeling lonely
With the unfortunate events of death surrounding my reality
There is indeed a part of me that still believes
A sweet optimism underneath
I just hope I don’t lose you as a part of me drowns
Because disappointment no longer phases me
But to not believe in anything, might ruin me

She struggled but always knew what was best
Each time taking the hard way out to learn the most valuable bit
At times she seemed behind and others she seemed ahead
Could it have all been a part of a subconscious plan?
Is she more aware than she knows?
Or does she play it safe to buy time?
And to ensure that all her efforts can be perfected
Not on time but in time
Because after all she always knew classrooms and counseling sessions weren't her thing
But the completed proof combined with existing talent is proving to be a valuable thing

I’ll never forget my first day home with you
I worked from home on bed as you sat on the other side
A dead weight in between the both of us
Without that weight I would have never known true love
You stared at me and I towards you
You looked at me as if you were trying to figure me out; trying to understand and make sense of this new world around you
I looked at you with the same, wide eyed, quiet look
I observed your habits and shyly tried to comfort you
You slowly inched closer to me throughout the day, dragging your entire bed next to me as a I worked
The person who so very much wanted you and convinced me to bring you into this world of mine (ours at the time), slept through your entire first day home
He awoke only to leave for a job interview that day and to shop for himself
He was late to bring your food home and I was so nervous you were hungry, that I was off to a bad start already
This man, who so very much wanted you, and prided his knowledge in ownership and raising hardy played a role
It was you and I who slowly got to know each-other through training, communication, play and study
This man cuddled you often and perhaps your sweetness and affection can partially be attributed to this
On the days you were meant to be walked but slept in bed with a checked out, very lost soul
I know you provided him with what little happiness he was physiologically able to experience
I know he loved you, but more like a teddy bear
This person became fleeting and you began to distrust him
I'll never forget the night you lost all faith in him
The moment you coiled away, or the look in your eyes on the day he left for good; your demeanor as he closed the door
But I’ll never forget looking into your eyes that first day as you gazed similarly into mine
It was that day I became a mother. We navigated each-other together
And now continue to learn, bond and become closer
You are my best friend and I now know what true, selfless love is
You are the closest thing I have to a child, you are my child. You are a beautiful soul
I promise to be the best caretaker for you possible
Lilou, my Lily, my pet
The day you came into my life has been one of the most precious memories in my journey thus far
I love you unconditionally