i can't stop thinking about the feel of your fingers on my ribs tonight
i wonder if you felt my heart beat faster
i wonder if you know what you do to me
what once swirled around in simple thought became complicated reality
unclear dreams made for foggy awakening
your warm body under my arm blurs all vision of the past and present
does this make me sick?

my eyes, too blind from the light of hell to see
pray for you to choke the blasphemy out of me

ave maria, gratia plena, dominus tecum. benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui, iesus. sancta maria, mater dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae

you misread my plea and loosen your holy grip
and more sins spill from my ****** lips

ave maria, gratia plena, dominus tecum. benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui, iesus. sancta maria, mater dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae

my tongue is heavy with heresy
but still i babble hypocrisy

ave maria, gratia plena, dominus tecum. benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui, iesus. sancta maria, mater dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae

amen

i struggle to dam an ocean but it presses up against the walls until they crack
and salt erodes my twisted face
the room blinks faster but the water won't stop rushing down
flooding this closed off space that doesn't belong to me
i block off my mouth against the tide of the sound that will
inevitably shake its way loose from my anchored chest
but i can't block off my mind against the tide of thought that will inevitably shake its way loose from my anchored head

water boils faster when salt is added
i struggle to dam an ocean but it presses up against the walls until they crack
and fog rolls into my eyes from the darkened shore
the scorching sunlight rises in my cracking chest
i open my mouth and the gulls cry
unintelligibly
they circle and they circle
their screams ringing, echoing, fading unnoticed

i reach out for something, anything to keep from being dragged away by the tide but find only sand slipping between my fingers and under my nails and salt in my eyes
and in my mouth
and in my throat
and in my lungs
and then there is only night

rip down the curtain that obscures my line of sight
give my eyes time to adjust once you turn off the light
let your your hands cool the fire in my face
take my hand and get me out of this place
let's get in your truck and drive to the sea
let me get lost in you, and you in me
let your fingers make patterns down to the base of my spine
let me be yours; i'll let you be mine
let's go into the water, so cold that we freeze
and when your hands are numb we'll dry off in the breeze
more importantly, just kiss me; i know that you can
i know that you would, if i was a man

i found you in the ocean
                                                                                   your eyes treading water
                                                                                       your hair lost gold
swimming out to sea
                                                                                        turning back once
                                                                                        to beckon me onward
i swam until my arms were too tired to move and
when i looked back i could no longer see the shore
                                                                                         you were waiting
and you broke me apart with your words
i nodded
breathless from the wound and exhaustion
my head turning toward the sky
and slipping below the waves
i watched the creatures of the deep glide by
seeing clearer than ever before
you put me together with your lips
and met me at the ocean floor

she says that you gave me to her
that you placed me in her life
did you do that to **** with me too?

she says that she thanks you every day
and prays that i'd let you in
how can i?

if what she says is true
if you made all this happen
how dare you?

why would you let me grasp at joy
then rip it out of my hands
over and over again?

this unfathomable loneliness
this empty rage
are you making this happen?

and if it's true
if there's a reason you bring me back here
why?

i want answers
and you are silent
why do you speak to her and not to me?

have you chosen her for some higher purpose
and am i somehow doomed
never to find salvation?

am i not worthy of hearing your voice?
was i born ******?
answer me!