I repeat myself.
I write about the same thing,
Over and over.
An event, a person, a feeling.
I need something new.
A new feeling.
Something to forget what happened.
Something to forget me.
I need to be new.
So I don't repeat so much.

Yet again it's that time.
Time to start anew...
Like I've done so many times
I do my best
I get so far
Then have to start over.
Do it all again...
All for her...
All for us...
Yet again it's that time.
Time to start over.
Like my previous achievements
Come down to nothing...
Comes down to you.

I was always content to fall into darkness
To fade into nothingness
My light could only could only shine so bright
That it was blinding
If no one can see
What's the use in showing?
but you can see me
At times it only would seem that the hands that touch me
Are nothing I can feel
I was only looking at endings
Final chapters in a novel about ghosts and wishing wells
A finished story
And even the meaning behind it is lost
but you can reach me
I was
But how can I be now
Now that I've found you!
I was always becoming
But you showed me how to be
What I want to be
A rock on a shoreline
Pounded and pounded by the cruelest waves
But still standing strong
Still standing
I was always content with nothing
But you showed me something
Something about you is everything
Everything I ever dreamed
And if I was content to die before
At this point I want nothing more
That to show you love
And I'll burn as the brightest star
With all my might
I'll be a light
To guide you home at night
I was always content before
Now
I look for something more
I look to you

What if I was beautiful?
The sun would kiss my face
And so would he.
I would be attractive
Like the snow wolf with its blue eyes
Everyone would want to pick me
Like a natural flower growing from the ground.
If I was beautiful
You would want to get to know me.
Are you sure you want to?
If I was beautiful
I would be no different.
Because I am.

Always.
Always keeping my head above water.
Always feeling like I'm drowning in a sea of people.
The liberating lighthouse won't shine its light bright enough.
But maybe I just can't see it.
Always and forever.
A phrase once spoken between a flower and a ****.
Promising that they would someday soon become a beautiful bush.
Entwining their stems together knowing they both came from different roots.
It wouldn't be love they thought if they had it another way.
But weeds are already dead, and have been.
All ways.
All the ways it could have happened would have turned out the same way.
All the ways I tried I was constantly proving that I was somehow better.
I was somehow different that made me alien.
Always keeping my head above water.
Always.

Long ago you told me you might like me
Your fingers caressed my hand like you were afraid to touch fire
Your shoulder brushed mine many times, as if it were the bat signal.
Your smile reached mine as a clear welcome.
Long ago you told me you might like me.
You played songs in the car that I particularly liked.
You allowed me to fall into you
How much would you fall into me?
I laughed at your crazy dance
I sang to your crazy song
I waited for you to realize that my fire doesn't burn
But that was all, long ago.

I told you before.
Do not fall in love with me.
Because I am a writer
And I will write stories in between our thighs
about how you read me until the ******
just to leave you with a cliffhanger.
I will plot chapters on your tongue
Make sure I go in and out,
And all around.
I will make sure you remember that
I taste like fully fleshed out tragedies,
I will create pages out of
the way your eyes looked like at sunset
or the way you brushed your hands through my hair
then rip them all out.
I will tattoo letters on your skin,
I will make the words bleed out of your being
You will know how it feels to be broken into pieces,
and still be considered a masterpiece.
Because I told you didn’t I?
Do not fall in love with me.
Because I am a writer
and I can love you too
and destroy you
all the same.