I reach my hands to touch you
in the worst parts
that you want
but i dont
but you do
but we dont
but we do-
the silence creeping in
just enough to rip my hands
onto you
and onto where you want them to,
heavy hands
heavy breaths
in and out,
tongue twisted between lips
and bad lies,
heart brokenness underneath blankets
and blankets of desire
piled on top of hormonic lusts-

I say that i'm sorry

i'm sorry that i don't love you enough to mean
i'm sorry
and to take away the heaviness
weighing down upon my lips
as they quiver and shake
because i regret getting in the car in the first place.

Because when my mind finds the time
to sit back and stare blankly at white paper,
I can never find the right opening words,
something about the ocean
or the sunsets
or the cool breeze occasionally blowing in the summer,
that would be able to fully express
the way my eyes tear up
at the vapor like thought
of being able to sit here on the couch
and watch you smile for one more second.

For the grass fields lying beyond those gates
Take me back home, take me back to the day
Where I first let my eyes stare at you in open gaze,
The moment still fresh in my mind, still open state.
I will not be able to find a friend that I could love
Until the end
Until death brings us home-
For you are the one I chose to hold in all hope.
You are the one that I would walk with forever
Until the grass dries up and we can no longer find a place for our feet.
I want to name a child with you,
I can't share that with anyone else!
For no one in this world could take that place but you,
As I hold your hand and smile at our daughter together.
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you too.

It's in the act of
Unlocking the front door
Leaving the chill of the outside
For the warmth of home

It's in the dog that comes
Snuffling happily at your feet
The cat that pads up quietly
Reluctantly curling around your ankles

It's in the bowl that sits
Still warm in the microwave
And the accompanying note
Wrapped around the spoon

It's in the moment
Of stepping into the shower
And letting the hot spray
Wash the day's grime and cares off

It's coming home to you
Snoring under the covers
Smelling like soap and sleep
As you wake up a little
To tug me closer and kiss me goodnight