**** me dead
i'd be satisfied dying with you inside of me
we melt the sun
we ARE the sunrise
choke me
i trust you rough with my tiny body
you **** me best with the meaning every soul lacked
my body is warm on yours
let's move to Alaska for an excuse to always touch
you know how to make my toes curl //
your lust could start wildfires all over this town
let's burn it all down
our bodies blow up in smoke
inhale me

ferret trapped in a humans body
sleeping 70% of the time being mischievous the other 30%
loneliness would **** me

you picked me apart like you were a vulture and i was your prey.

i am trying to scrape you off of my bones

when someone asks you “who are you?” and you have no idea how to answer that question. how do you define yourself in one sentence, without rambling on about your values and your likes and dislikes and…i wish i knew myself to the point that i could make a perfect incarnation of myself into a multi-themed story book. then when someone would ask me who i am, i would just read them my story.

you love him
you love his smooth hands and his rough cheek
you love your hands in his denim shirt
and the cinematography of you together
everything else is an afterthought

the knife in his eyes that is not always pointed at you
but when it is
you kiss the fist that rattles plates
the lips that wrap around clenched teeth
melt him

fail to understand his poison tipped arrows
that are aimed at the mother who threw bottles
if he could only pick one more fight it'd be with his father
you kiss him when he knocks his brother's teeth out

he leaves in the morning for coffee and comes back a day later
welcome him with open arms and abundant questions
he will be a tower of irritation and concrete
he will point fingers that will curl into fists
but they are not fists for you
they are for the devils that dance within him
and behind his wild eyes
and in his childhood home

you will not be fooled
he loves you
you know by every sweetheart and the lips on your forehead and the way he smells in between the sheets each night

he leaves
he comes back
purple flowers that bloom around his eyes are the bouquets he brings home for you
the front porch sags when he puts his hands in his pockets
his face buried in your chest
on nights when the lamp swings a little too low
and his body is wracked with sobbing and shoulders shaking

he mourns the gentle temper he never had
he mourns what he would be like without you
he mourns what you would be like without him
this is how he loves you

your hands in his hair easing soothing shh shh
you are the mother who left
you are better than every last ex-girlfriend
for reasons he will be happy to name
this is how you love him

you came because you are drawn to the shipwrecks
but you stayed in the water for him
ancient child
furious soul
you salt his wounds
and then you clean them
this is how you love him

tonight i am reeking of nostalgia.
my mind flutters of our memories
such as the time
your bike had no pegs
so i sat on the handlebars
and once you pushed the pedals
i fell back and
credit carded my ***.
and the time
i gave you a xanax
and we ******
then you fell asleep inside of me.
the night i fell asleep
on your friend's couch
in your arms watching
enter the void on netflix
and the next day you
woke me up early
and i met your mother.
the time i came down
and i had a fever
and cried in your arms
while you sang me songs by
tool and a perfect circle
and played songs by elliot smith
to calm me down.
or the night i first met you
we cuddled in my bed and talked and
kissed for the first time and the tension
was searing in our bodies cos they wanted
to collide.
and how could i ever forget the night
you told me you couldn't do this
apologized and
left me in the morning
i tried my hardest not to
let you see me cry
but i couldn't hold the tears.
i told you that i would be ok
and i would just get over it
because 'life goes on'
and my life went on, yes
but it's been 9 weeks
and you're still the boy i hold
closest in my heart.
my head aches at the concept i can't grasp
you don't love me and you won't come back.

i rly want to take a shower with you that turns into a bath esp because i have a tiny bath and you’re a lot bigger than me. i want to kiss your body while it's soaked. i want your skin to soak into mine.