I was strange and we both knew it
A fickle heart and chameleon soul
Delirious, demented
A capricious firecracker
Fluctuating, erratic
A passing gust of wind
Tangible and alive between your fingers for a second
And gone the next
Dissolved, fleeing
I was strange
And we both knew it

Blinding headlights on the highway and
The reflection of a red light on the wet road...
Green light...
And I'm driving straight for miles
And miles
And it's raining
And I'm trying not to speed but
I just want to get somewhere
Anywhere
God, it's so dark and so misty and
How long has the air conditioning been on? Because
I'm freezing and
I let one too many raindrops fall on my window shield
Because maybe it's a challenge but
I can hardly see where I'm going and
The music is too loud, I know, but
You would never turn it down so
I drive faster and faster and hope that
Somehow you can hear it and
Realize that every lyric is you because
I miss you and
I wish I knew how
To turn this car around

I long to discover
Your favorite jokes
And ticklish spots
Because the sound
Of your laughter
Rings in my ears
Caresses my brain
Its tender reverberation
Establishes permanent residency
Your laughter, I urge
To make itself
At home

I breathe you in
Inhale your essence as you speak
Your words, your energy
Intoxicate me
And simultaneously
Blacken my lungs
This toxic smoke
Will surely **** me
But I cannot bring myself
To exhale

I whisper
To the Earth mother,
"Can you hear
My breathing?
Because,
I can surely
hear yours."

I never regret
Asking you
What you're thinking about
Because your mind
Is a maze
And slowly
I am drawing
A map

In my obsession
With protecting you
In my commitment
To shielding you
From the treachery of the world
I forgot
That perhaps
What posed to you the most danger
Were not your father's threats
Or the demons lurking
In the shadows of your past.
I forgot to protect you
From myself
With my wine-stained lips
And my blood-stained hands
All skin
And bones
And monster

And now I can't stop dreaming
Of an eternal sunrise-
One where I sit and I stare in awe,
As God smears his colors across the sky.
Fluid and variable,
An everlasting display,
Forever and ever.
Find me cradled in the arms
Of the morning.

Spring, you beautiful awakening
Post-coma's first breath
White death resurrection

The passenger seat of your car will always feel familiar
Cool breeze and streaming sunlight
My hair a knotted and tangled mess
You laugh and try to fix it, but it never looks quite right
Nirvana blaring through your speakers for the hundredth time this week
You wear the same gray jacket that smells so much like you
And I wear the same smile
Neither of us speak, not because we're angry or tired
But simply because there is nothing to say
You tell me everything in every gentle squeeze of my hand

We are in love

I watched him slide his hands around her waist,
Kissing her shoulder softly
With a kind of gentleness that I had seen in him
Only twice:
When he was asleep,
And when he was in love

Blank slate
I am
Renewed
Paper white
Inviting you
To color me
With your words
And make me
Beautiful again
Vibrant
And sinfully patterned
As I once was
Smudge your ink
Smear your paint
I want to be
Your work of art

There are so many people to love. I constantly fall into this kind of ***** fascination: a wholehearted, genuine infatuation, as I learn the ins and outs of their beings.
I notice the way they talk with their hands when they're passionate about something and the way they stutter when they ask questions and how their knees bounce and their fingers tap and their pens click when they're nervous.
The way they smile the softest smiles when they're falling in love and their hands shake with anxious tension when they're falling out.
I see people and I want to know them.
I want to learn them and I want to love them.
I simply cannot understand anyone who would find it impossible to fall in love with someone in any short period of time.
I realized I loved him as soon as I watched him climb a tree.
His eyes squinted as he grinned- beamed- and took my hand. And I realized I loved him right then.
The periphescence lasted, burned in the pit of my stomach like a red flame for as long as we were sharing our worlds with the other, and perhaps even longer after he stole his back, shut himself inside, and locked the door.
I swear I banged on it for days on end, hands bruised and knuckles bleeding as I knocked and knocked and knocked and hoped that he might answer it one day, realizing he'd forgotten what color my eyes were or on which side my hair parted.
I was estranged from him for what felt like eons, lightyears, eternities- and not once did I forget the burn of his touch as he ran his fingertips down my back, or the way his right hand squeezed my left thigh as he drove.
I remembered- I still remember- the warm giddiness that accompanied him each time we came together and lingered, glowing and buzzing, within me each time he went away.
He is gone now.
He is long gone and I still remember.

I'm sorry but
I have to take this-
The day is calling and
I cannot stay long.
Did you hear that
This life is temporary? Fleeting?
I heard it through the grapevine and
I know that I can no longer
Waste another second
Without the sun
On my skin.
The moon is rising and
I only wish now that
I had said what I wanted to say
When I wanted
To say it.

He was selfish
Even in his generosity,
Giving only what he could afford
To lose.

So the world wept,
And the sky wept with it
As the leaves shriveled, perished,
And fell to the shivering ground in defeat
And the layers of the earth could be felt
Quaking with fear

You're my favorite scent
My favorite sound
My favorite sight and hue
You've no trouble understanding me
'Cause all of me is you

A yellow sun
And ocean blue
I kissed the sky
And thought of you

I've dreamt of being one with all
So when I flew, I could not fall
And when I swam, I could not sink
And when I ran, I could not think
All was well, I laughed, I loved
Everything I had was just enough
Plagued not by cruel desire or greed
I was the world, the world was me