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Alexis Jan 2015
Dead behind the eyes.
God all I hear is lies.
I need to feel something to live.
There is nothing else for me to give.
Alexis Jan 2015
Love*
Love*
Love
Such a destructive word
Such a filthy feeling
It slips out
Can't be taken back
"I don't"
So much anger
So much sadness
"I never will"
I hope you feel
disgusting and guilty.
Alexis Jan 2015
We started laying together and I asked if we could talk.
You said “sure” in the sweetest voice and I thought it would be okay.
I asked why you didn’t love me.
Wrong choice.
You said you didn’t know but you knew you didn’t.
You said you didn’t even know if you liked me anymore.
I sat up and moved away from you because being near you burned my skin.
Then you said those two words and my heart dropped.
“Maybe it’d be better for both of us if we broke up. But I think that’ll unhinge you again.”
Jake you knew that wouldn’t be better for me but you just saw me as your little ticking time bomb anyway.
Never okay.
I could barely get words out.
I did everything I could to stop this.
More words were exchanged and I told you I loved you.
You said you didn’t.
I could feel my heart breaking.
We were facing each other sitting on the floor.
The tears started to flow from my eyes.
You put your head between your knees and said,
“Please stop. It kills me to see you like this.”
You killed me first so I’m glad I’m killing you now.
10:45: “I have to go or I’ll be out after curfew”
I just nodded and got up to open the door.
“Can I hug you?”
No I didn’t want you to but I just nodded again.
You hugged me for an eternity
I lost it and sobbed and every feeling was coming out through my tears onto your shirt,
as I whispered “please don’t leave. you promised you wouldn’t,” over and over.
“Some promises just can’t be kept.”
You said it through tears
You were dying too
Only you could grab the rope but instead you hung me with it.
You let go and looked at me,
“thank you” you said and grabbed my hand.
You opened the door, dropped my hand, and left.
I died.
Alexis Jan 2015
I knew you were gone when I said,
“Tell me a story”
and you said you didn't have any anymore.
I knew you were gone when I said,
“how was your day?”
and you responded with just “good.”
I knew you were gone when I told you about my day
and you didn't tell me to tell you more.
I knew you were gone when you said,
“Stop that. It annoys me.”
I never annoyed you before.
I knew you were gone when you said,
“all we ever do anymore is fight.”
I wish I knew how to stop that.
I knew you were gone before you even left.
I kept hoping we’d get better.
But we didn’t.
I knew you were gone when you said,
“Thank you for this.”
Alexis Jan 2015
To say that I’m not jealous,
well that would be a lie.
I’m jealous that she has someone who loves her.
“Alexis, he told me he loves me.”
Wow that’s great.
Too bad I could never send that text to anyone.
You don’t love me.
And you won’t.
And I still can’t deal with that.
Why am I so unlovable?
Why does she get to find love with him?
Why couldn't you feel a ******* thing?
What changed?
“We are working towards love”
But you gave up.
You got tired of working and so you left.
I worked so hard
and you left.
Please come back.
Please let me know that I’m lovable.
Why couldn't you love me like he loves her?
Please
love
me
please.
I miss (need) you.
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