Don’t ask,
I’ll wear my mask,
I’m already sick,
Will this pass?
More and more we disagree,
under his knee,
Covid-19,
Pandemic,
Social disease,
Virus,
Rascism,
“you’re killing me”
No justice,
No word from DC,
The air is heavy,
And… “I can’t breathe”
©BLCostello 2020

We all are made to break,
Fragile,
Who knows when,
That separation starts,
As soon as you bend,
Perhaps you changed your mind,
People often do,
Or maybe you just turned,
And saw a different view,
I guess it does not matter,
We all make mistakes,
Nothing’s ever perfect,
We all are made to break
B L Costell©2020

I am scared,
I am confused,
my heart is crying,
I am not afraid of going broke,
I am afraid of dying,
But how I miss your face,
A mask cannot hide beautiful,
I wish you would have worn it,
We can’t even have a funeral
B L Costello ©2020

It’s not about you,
It’s not about me
It’s that f** virus covid-19
I don’t want to miss you.
I already do,
But I know I will see you when this is through
“It could peek again”,
Some experts expect,
I already spent that stimulus check,
But a nation divided,
Is sure to fall,
So, stay home and cook dinner,
They closed the mall,
There are so many things we can do without,
And we can save the world right from our couch
B L COSTELLO©2020

Social distance,
Stay in the house!
All that changes,
The shape of my couch,
I ate all  my snacks,
They went too quick,
Tonight, I'll binge more netflix,
I don't dare complain,
Thank God....I am fine,
God bless Cuomo and our frontline.

Social distance,
Staying inside,
I don’t have a fever,
I am drunk and I am high,
God, help us!
Forgive my addiction,
But life feels like science fiction,
I don’t really know how much I can stand,
Between naps....I play Rocket Man,
The numbers increase,
We're losing the pace,
I am never going to touch my face

©B L Costello 2020

Is it a lesson or is it a test?
I am unstudied,
But I try my best,
And you so smart,
Life is not fair,
You already know I am unprepared.
©B L Costello 2020

The world so turned away from his love,
I have to wonder,
Is this the “Flood”?
Karma reminds,
The is no end,
“What comes around goes around, again“,
That being said,
Who could dare say?
Is the Savior here?
Is this judgement day?
Depending on your sentiment,
It could be old testament,
The decision alone makes me age,
Its just a virus,
Its not the plaque
©B L Costello 2020

I gave her all she needed to live,
Catholic school,
Then college,
My little princess!
I covered all bases,
Cheer leading,
Dance,
Glasses and braces,
For her,
There was no in-between,
17 a beauty queen,
She turned 18 and wanted a car,
But I was afraid to go that far,
“Wait till your 20”
I put down my foot,
Teary eyed, my child was shook,
Now I wish I had never denied her,
She ran away with an Uber Driver
©B L Costello 2020

The worry the dread and all the doubt,
I think out loud but will not shout,
I know what other people may say,
They don’t know I was born this way
Strumming my uke sets me free,
Then I wonder…..Do penguins have knees?
Obsession, starts,
I cannot quit,
Does my gold fish have lips?
Distracted,
Annoyed,
I don’t know the answers,
I think I am okay,
Do I have cancer?
Over whelmed,
Did I pay that bill?
Fu-k!, it on the mantle still
Its 2 in the morning,
Saturday,
There’s nothing to do but shut up play
©B L Costello 2020

She stood behind him, but she did not hide,
She offered her hand,
And it was denied,
He lied for an hour, Enough was enough,
He said goodnight,
and she ripped it up.

You always were that way….
I don’t know what to say,
I really am not sure you would hear me anyway,
My faith is so shaken,
I know that you are there,
But I cannot help screaming,
You just don’t seem to care,
It hurts,
And it’s messy,
Like a broken blister,
I wish that you were dead,
You never should have kissed her
© B L Costello 2020

They’ll will wonder where I’ve gone,
But don’t shed a tear,
People come and go so quickly here
I fell down a hole,
I had a little drink,
That cookie was just an illusion,
……I think,
I’ve seen so much!
More than I care to tell,
But Mr. Carroll, will write it so well,
The times I was small,
The way I grew tall,
How I kept my head,
And the Jabberwocky’s fall
When they have their tea,
They’ll remember that,
But man,
I’m going miss that cat!
©B L Costello 2015

Being alone I must accept,
You are gone,
So here I am left,
10 years,
I still ask why,
Still,
I ponder suicide,
But if Catholic doctrine is true,
that will not bring me closer to you,
I had my angel,
for what it was worth,
you gave me heaven here on earth,
I would love to see you
to touch and to smell,
But plans like that,
Take you to hell,
It hurts,
Someday,
It may **** me yet,
You were as close as I will get
©B L Costello 2020

I loved the wooded path,
I did respect their bones,
Fearlessly I tread,
Playing with my phone,
I saw no shapes or shadows,
Nothing spoke to me,
Careless, without faith,
I did not BELIEVE,
Just walking thru the graveyard,
I thought I was alone,
I should have looked behind me,
Something followed me home
©B L Costello  2020

When black and white turn to gray,
Left and right lose their way
In the drab they lose direction,
Stalled at the intersection,
There we ponder which is best.
North?
South?
East, or West?
How many tolls must we pay?
Which is best?
It’s wrong to say,
Don’t ask
Don’t tell
That’s the code,
Common law,
No king of this road
Just a queen with no where to be,
Hail her royal majesty
©B L Costello 2019

Which advice would you take,
if you could choose just one?
Would you decide to be careful,
Or to go and love someone?
Would you always remember?
Or would you relax, and forgive?
There is only one choice,
Would you survive or live?
©B L Costello 2019

On bended knees,
She acknowledged the loss,
Blessing herself with the sign of the cross,
So many candles,
And still it was dim,
No ritual could replace him,
Alone she prayed,
Comforting words,
She wondered who will pray for her,
No flame could brighten,
No words to say… could ever bring back what is taken away,
The loss alone, is hers to bare,
No children left,
No stories to share,
She thought of the rest,
She wondered, who heard?
So she lit more candle, and said more words

I've slipped before,
I should have took ice,
But I took your hand,
I thought you were nice,
I saw stars but could not see,
Just how injurious you could  be
I thought our meeting was part of God's plan,
I got on my feet,
Then I helped you to stand,
My friends judge,
They call me "crazy",
I just never thought you'd get so lazy,
Now I live with the pain,
I'm still confused,
I wanted more,
But what can I do?
I hit my head when I fell for you

The Doctors were wrong,
They gave her a year,
Four months.....
She is gone.....
As the holidays near,
But the chemo was hard,
She was no longer able,
How dreadful the empty spot at the table

I should have got a pumpkin,
But…I don’t know how to carve,
I could have put on the porch,
I don’t have yard,
The porch did not work,
The children did not hark,
The little monsters were too afraid to beg out in the dark,
So, I ate a couple Snicker’s
I watched some DIY
That carving looks easy,
I might give it a try!
Sure,
There’s always next year!
I’m bound to be more handy
Yeah, I got lots of reasons,
I ate all the candy!
©BL Costello 2019

I want to be funny,
I am not a “*****”,
I am misunderstood
I am sick of it!
It was,
Only a joke!
You don’t think I'm “funny”,
It happens!
Can’t you forgive me honey?
After all, it’s been awhile,
Since I’ve entertained,
Or saw you smile,
Be careful,
Some things…you can’t take back,
How I’d love to hear you laugh
©B L Costello 2019

Lonely in love,
I feel sick,
Alone (again)
In this relationship
From the couch I see you,
Still on the computer,
I crave company,
And worry of the future,
Again!  
I am lonely,
Have we nothing in common?
I wonder now,
How soon you have forgotten,
The long conversations,
Time on the phone,
Those late night visitations,
Before you called this home,
You used to say, “hi honey”,
Now you snap, “what IS it?”
Remember me?
It’s “honey”
And I still like to visit…….
B L Costello ©2019

I don’t like climbing ladders,
Perhaps I am afraid of heights
I have sat in very high places,
It never really seemed right,
I guess I feel much safer,
Keeping my feet on the ground,
I have no fear of falling,
I hate looking down,
When you’re in high places,
It seems that’s all that you do
From a distance,
Everything looks small from an aerial view
I do not believe that distance gains me any respect,
How could I be respected by such tiny specks!
©B L Costello 2019

"He came from outer space to save the human race",
Black lips and painted face,
It was acquired taste,
You came so far,
You were not here long,
I still cry when I hear “The Cold Song”
A “Total Eclipse”
Life is not always fair,
But “Lightning Strikes”
And you were there,
Nomi,
Nomi,
What can we do?
Your name was a song,
But no one knew you…
And when you reached with lesioned
hands,
Friends backed up,
They did not understand,
You entertained,
We asked, what is it?
You said Nomi,
But no one would visit.
B L Costello © 2019

“20 minutes of life!”
A prize!
That’s what they say,
However,
When it expires,
They will not let me play!
Sure,
It makes me nervous,
I guess I’ll be alright,
I see a list of “friends”,
Who I can “ask for life”!
The Candy Kingdom Rules!
Just when I think I am finished,
A star pops up and says……
“A friend gave you 20 minutes”
B L Costello © 2019

“I will love you forever”,
He said to you,
But when forever is over,
What do you do?
And what is forever, when someone is gone?
Without the clock,
Does time go on?
How do we measure the weeks and days,
When the calendar is taken away?
Numb,
I can hardly tell I am here,
So many chairs,
The covered mirrors,
Time to ponder,
Time to accept,
In 7 days,
I will reflect
B L Costello © 2019

Found in the dark,
You were not alone,
Somebody killed you
In your home
You were only six,
You will never be seven,
But everyone is pretty in heaven
Beauty queen,
You won the crowns,
It did not help when they held you down,
I think of you,
It makes me crazy
23 years,
You’re still a baby,
But, somebody knows what happened to you,
Because...somebody did it
The world may never know….
Because...somebody hid it
RIP JonBenét  August 6, 1990 – December 25, 1996
©B L Costello 2019

So far from the jungle,
we learned to enslave,
From the drum to the gun our animal ways,
Take what you need
Live for the food,
Now we are fat,
With nothing to do,
So, we take what we want,
And now…we can lie,
Monkey or man?
Let Darwin decide
© B L Costello 2019

The darkened room
Sterile and clean,
She stood with the Doctor and stared at the screen,
An ugly black spot,
“What is this?”
The Dr. said….”metastasis”,
He offered her chemo,
“It could give you a year…6 months without it…“I am so sorry dear.”
For ten years,
She did what they said,
Now everything’s changed
The tumor spread,
No surgery,
Because of the size,
They said live with it
And she tried……
She learned to live with it,
She did,
Why?
How is she going to learn to die?
©B L Costello 2019

A snob and a guy,
They should have been kin,
A scholar and a pedestrian,
An unlikely pair,
Two of the best!,
Indeed!
It was, "another fine mess!",
"Fine"-"Indeed"!
I don't know why.....
I loved it when the skinny one cried!
Even better...(I'm not so bad)
I love it when the fat guy got mad!
Together was genius,
Alone only half,
I am glad they met and made me laugh
©B L Costello 2019

A treat I never had before,
The cold end of the candy store,
Green was my choice in the freezer case,
Consumed so quick,
I could not wait,
I knew my tongue made a mistake,
My throat felt numb,
My brain yelled ****!
Such a surprise,
It ended quick….
Until I took another lick
©B L Costello 2019

Soft grass,
Momma's lap,
The perfect nap

Please,
Believe me,
I am not needy,
I want to be brave,
Can somebody free me?
I just get scared
My shields are old,
My reason is weak,
I’ve done what I’m told,
A weary soldier,
My mother is dead,
My friends are gone,
Just me and my head!
It makes me crazy,
So many choices,
I just don’t really trust those voices
©B L Costello 2019

I gave you my heart,
Now, I’m empty inside,
A shell of myself,
I can’t even cry,
It can’t be returned,
My loss is your gain,
All you gave me is phantom pain
©B L Costello 2019

There is no "Anthem",
It just got “Darker”,
You were always so much smarter,
That's why I read everything you wrote,
I even bought a “Blue Raincoat”!
So inspired,
I started to write,
So began “My Secrete Life”
Together at last
Our friendship sutured,
“My Antique Song”
I saw the "Future",
Now, 'Everybody Knows",
"Suzanne",
My heart broke when I read “Anne”
But you said…’I AM YOU MAN”
So….”So Long Marianne" !
I hung your photo,
Co-workers teased,
They never read “Light As a Breeze”
"Hallelujah"!
I’ve learned to accept,
No offering is perfect,
Sometimes,
You just can’t take it back,
Love the light,
Forgive the crack
©B L Costello 2019

You proposed a question and it killed you inside,
It takes an animal to survive,
So human,
You could not support the pack,
You could not forget,
Or take it back,
But who can prove kindness?
The risk is too great,
The animals will not participate,
Still, I’d love to be a witness,
To challenge survival of the fittest,
But that is not what survivors do,
You died,
And nothing was ever proved
B L Costello 2019

“Hurry, come in”
he said at the door,
The Jehovah witness never heard that before,
Anxious to carry on “God’s plan”,
He never noticed the blood on his hands,
Not till he notice the drops on the floor,
How this would go,
No one was sure,
“Okay”,
Said his host,
“I don’t believe...that God is here or he loves me”
The witness nodded,
"I understand...May I go and wash my hands”?,
“No, not the bathroom…….”
“The kitchen, please...That room, really embarrasses me”,
The witness said,
"I'm embarrassed too, I don’t know if he loves me or you"!
The host replied “Do You know…..what I've done”
Are you judging me?
Are you having fun?"
“No, I am too selfish”
The witness confessed,
“I don’t really care about your mess,
"I can still hear her cry..."
"I tore her dress..."
"But she had such a pretty mouth,"
"No, you should never judge....
Or let strangers into your house”
©B L Costello 2019

Please don’t wake the giant,
She really needs to sleep,
She could disturb the elephant of whom no one will speak,
I know we can get thru this,
We must not give up hope,
We cannot get our feet wet,
Please don’t rock the boat,
Because,
Giants are not real
Facts cannot be denied,
If I keep them covered,
My feet will be dry!
If I keep my mouth shut,
They can never tell,
Let’s not talk about it,
Shhhh…
What is that smell?
©B L Costello 2019

Was it the pants,
Or was it the shoes?
The world was fascinated by you,
Was it the hat?
I cannot decide!
You made us laugh,
You made us cry,
On the silver screen,
You were heaven sent,
They made you a homeless immigrant,
So sad they really went too far,
When Hollywood removed your star,
No crime,
Your choices were to blame,
A prop,
You should have used your cane
©B L Costello 2019

Pills and appointments all of the time,
You get so nasty,
I try to be kind,
I try,
And still,
I do fail,
There is no cure,
No holy grail,
The treatments,
“May prolong your life”
We go every day,
But is it right?
To suffer in spite of what is to be,
You do it to stay here with me,
We go every day,
I feel sadistic,
Your dedication is masochistic,
We can’t give up,
What else can we do?
I try and still….
I am loosing you
©B L Costello 2019

Someday,
I’ll be you,
Older and gray,
Inevitable,
Still…
I am afraid,
Your wisdom,
Your beauty,
Amazing to me,
Challenged with fragility,
So important,
All that you do,
No one could ever fill your shoes,
Who will listen,
Who 'll want to talk?
When my hands shake,
Or I need help to walk?
Who will be my friend?
After you have left,
What becomes of the childless?
©B L Costello 2019

He wore baggy pants,
I thought he walked funny,
That stupid grin!
I should have seen it coming,
But…I was distracted,
By so many things,
After all,
There were 3 rings,
I loved the applause,
The spotlights glow,
I became part of the show,
I felt like a star,
Then so worthless,
This was not the theater,
It was the circus,
***** tents,
So flammable!
I was abused as much as the animals,
That tiny car,
Touring around,
I did like the shoes,
but I left that clown
©B L Costello 2019

Standing in shamble,
Parisians lament,
It seemed to be just a shell of cement,
Then the smoke cleared,
It was not as they thought,
The altar intact,
Above it…the cross!
Satan did challenge,
But… God had won,
And The great Rose Window,
Still lets in the sun!
©B L Costello 2019

“Very fine people, on both sides”,
I wonder just who decides?
The ******* the elevator clutching her purse,
Or the man in hoodie who got on first?
“Very fine people”,
How could he know,
She’s been a victim,
It just does not show,
It difficult to see the truth,
Underneath his jogging suit,
Just like him,
She cannot see,
the bible in pocket,
Or his PHD,
How fragile we are,
So easy we shatter,
God teaches us ALL LIVES MATTER!
©B L Costello 2019

In public school,
We used to pray
It used to be ST VALENTINES DAY
To some generations,
This may seem odd,
Sometimes I wonder…
Where is God?
©B L Costello 2019

Mad at me,
Mad at you,
I keep the peace and forget what you do,
Still,
I am haunted,
I am not a child,
Remember?
I wish I was senile!
No!  
I cannot forget what you did,
But I love you,
So…I forgive,
Tossing this ball like grownups do,
Your game,
Catch 22
©B L Costello 2019

Such pride she brought,
Their only daughter,
Indeed,
Their joy!
She walked on water,
Their pride and joy,
She gave them wings,
Without doing anything,
There was nothing to expect,
Baby girl was perfect,
They kept her safe,
Choices made,
She loved her swing and gilded cage,
No friends,
No callers,
Not even a knock,
So pretty she never noticed the lock
©B L Costello 2019

Anxious again,
My chest feels tight,
Pass that thing and give me light
It’s only better when I inhale,
Taking a drag,
I’m driving the nails,
I know it stinks,
I have bad manners,
But how I love to swing that hammer,
Friends and family have objections,
I have my very own section!
Isolated
Dark predictions,
I rub it out and blame addiction
©B L Costello 2019

It is all pre planned,
It is all pre-seasoned,
We are all prepacked for the same reason,
No surprise,
I know that smell,
Predetermined?
Who lives to tell?
Preoccupied,
I am still afraid,
These thoughts repeat,
They are pre-made,
I will be fine,
I am not scared,
It is okay,
I am prepared
©B L Costello 2019