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Autumn Dec 2015
And I knew I didn't love you anymore when it was the 29th of November and facebook had to notify me that it was your birthday because for the first time in years, I didn't remember it was your birthday. The date didn't even have significance to me.

I knew I didn't love you anymore when I didn't have the urge to wish you a happy birthday in hopes that you would notice me and maybe fall in love with me too.

I knew I didn't love you anymore when you celebrated a year with your girl, and what was once a pang of jealousy turned into adoration because I thought you guys were cute and complemented each other.

I knew I didn't love you anymore when you got married and I didn't care. I actually wished you the best. And I still do. I enjoy seeing how your lives together have merged and the marriage you both have created is fantastic.

There's a sense of growth I feel from this and it makes me realize that you were never my first love. And if I got the chance to tell 14-year-old me that, I would in a heartbeat. My loves and losses paled in comparison to what was in store for me at eighteen.

My first actual love. The one that loved me back.
Autumn Oct 2015
You can reassure me until you're blue in the face and tell me you love me until you have no more oxygen in your lungs and I'd still have a bit of doubt as to whether or not you actually do love me.

I'm sorry for that and that I can't entirely rest easy in that.

It's not that I don't trust you. I'm just skeptical about everyone, and that includes the person I love the most.

I don't know how to get better with this, or how to get over it. I can't wait for the day that I just know that I'm yours and you're mine. Completely and fully each other's.
Autumn Sep 2015
There are happy times, and there are sad times.
The thing is, things are going to get tough.

They're going to get hard, they're going to get difficult, and there's going to be many times that you feel like you want to quit.

But in those moments, there's something deep down that gets you through it. Whether it's love, security, or mixture of both: you get through it.

It takes patience, sometimes tears, sometimes yelling. But you get through it.

Whether you get through it torn apart or in one piece, you, yourself, and the person that you're with will place you back together.

And maybe that's what love truly is; yes there's arguments, and fighting, and a whole lot of love throughout it all, but you have to remember, that you're still young. That he's still young. And this is going to happen.

No matter how many arguments you've been in, it doesn't change the fact that in the middle of them you still get worried that he's going to leave. No amount of reassurance helps sometimes. But you have to get through it. You have to. Holding on to the hope that you guys will work your way through this will help you in the end.

Sooner or later, people argue. You disagree. Sometimes you yell, sometimes you whisper, it's still an argument nonetheless. Your cheeks will get red and your heart will race and you may be the maddest you've ever been, but you will get through it.

Excuse yourself, excuse him. Forgive him when he's wrong, forgive yourself when you are too. You both are still learning. Learning to love yourself and each other, and that's why people say love is an adventure, a learning experience. Something that cannot be replicated or learned until you experience it.

There's several different types of love, but a true love? There's going to be bumps, it's an uphill and downhill battle.

There's going to be amazing times, some of the most memorable times you've ever experienced, and some of the most miserable times you've lived through. But you will get through it.

Nobody ever promised that love would be easy, but everybody knows that it's worth it. Why everybody looks for it, there has to be a reason. And once you find it, you won't be able to imagine your life without it.
Autumn Sep 2015
Writing poetry about him when my heart was so dead-set on you.

Trying so hard to fall in love with him when I was already in love with you.

Telling you about him in hopes that it would make you jealous.

Writing most of my poems about you.

Seeing you with other girls and a part of me dying every single time.

Every picture, every mention of any other girl that wasn't me. Another piece just...vanished.

Countless nights praying that you'd be mine. That I'd be yours.

Doing every possible thing in my power to have you fall in love with me.

Listening to music and dedicating it to you.

Cuddling with you and watching criminal minds.

You admitting you were actually in love with me on a Friday night and my whole body shaking in disbelief.

Our first kiss, and me anticipating it more than anything before.

The first time I held your hand and knew from that moment that I wanted to hold it forever.

Telling family about us and them putting us down. But me telling you that I didn't care who I had to deal with as long as I had you.

You telling me you loved me and I knew it was something more.

The first time you cried in front of me telling me about your dad.

Seeing you completely and utterly broken and wanting to fix you.

Us telling each other that we planned our lives together. With the promise of forever.
Autumn Dec 2014
I hate that you have eyes for other girls besides me
not that you've ever had eyes for me
not that I know of
I hate that I'm not your main girl
that there's many others

why did you send her a picture of me when you think she's hot
were you trying to make her jealous
or you were just documenting things in your day

why do you cuddle with me and make me feel so special
like we're so close
and there's a chance at something more
and then go back to the other girls

why do you let me put my head on your shoulder
and tell me to come back when I decide to move
you make me feel like you actually crave my closeness
like you actually want me

why do you make me feel like the happiest ******* the planet
and make me feel like the crappiest person in the world

more importantly
why do I even feel this way for you
and how did I sink this deep into the ocean that's you
Autumn Nov 2014
Your smell
It lingers on my clothes
And I'm constantly reminded
Of your presence
Just how close you were to me

And all I want
Is to be by your side again
Snuggled up against you
Against your warmth

And I'm reminded
just how much I miss you
I miss you
I miss you so much
Oh my gosh, I miss you.

I can't be falling for you like this again
Autumn Nov 2014
And while you're sleeping
I'm awake
and my mind is creating 2,603 useless thoughts
of you
that will never happen.


I just hope you're dreaming of me.
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