Why is an old wrinkled ***** up
Late as I am right now
Down boy, we peed already
Down.

Someone say
Filth, ****, dirt,
Just ask me
I'll take off my shirt.

My wife's father
Never gave me acceptability for his
Grown daughter
He came to except me later
When I impregnated
His daughter
Then the father in law
Liked me
Don't understand that one.
So it took my seed
Into a *******
Too make him like me!
And now many grand babies
Entice me
On grandpa's knee's
They say grampy please
Please just give us one dollarino
For one toy from,
San Francisco.
I always give in
To their pocket-thief smiles
They seem to like stealing away
Gramps old farting heart.

Crack a whip?
Or crack a nut?
In your mid to high sixties
You will be cracking bones legs and your smelly old ****

Roses are red
Nuts are brown
Skirts go up
Pants go down
Body to body Skin to skin
When its stiff
Stick it in
The Longer its in
The Stronger it gets
It goes in dry And comes out wet
It comes out dripping And starts to sag
Its not what you think......
Its a Teabag



Unknown author, gives me the chucklers

The year
1966.
Manson was on his spree
Hippies chilled the breeze.
Chicks dancing with rubies on hips.
Then came 1967
Hendrix wowed the crowd
Janis Joplins soul came out
Music splashed
Hallucinogenic heaven.
1968, patterns of clothing
Seemed to be from faraway.
It wasn't American to the main stream
Still wouldn't be today.
1969, Woodstock, the time
Of all togetherness, and weightless
Rockers heads filled with dust and buds.
Cities broke to riots
Gangbanging quiets over colors lust!
1970, met grandmammy
Touched the farmers scene.
Found the happy
In the sixties baby in me.
Today, now a mountain boy
On a machine that cuts down anything
In its way.
The farming hand
Making a living off of dirt and hay.
Spit and clay.

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track
An' you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

"Alice's Restaurant Massacree- song by Arlo Guthrie-

"This is a song..."
"This is uhh, This is a new song..."
"It's through the eyes of one of the greatest people alive, I feel..."
"The Lunchlady"
[Laughing]

Woke up in the morning
Put on my new plastic glove
Served some reheated salisbury steak
With a little slice of love
Got no clue what the chicken *** pie is made of
Just know everything's doing fine
Down here in Lunchlady Land

Well I wear this net on my head
'Cause my red hair is fallin' out
I wear these brown orthopedic shoes
'Cause I got a bad case of the gout
I know you want seconds on the corndogs
But there's no reason to shout
Everybody gets enough food
Down here in Lunchlady Land

Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes
And my breath reeks of tuna
And there's lots of black hairs coming out of my nose
In Lunchlady Land your dreams come true
Clouds made of carrots and peas
Mountains built of shepherds pie
And rivers made of macaroni and cheese
But don't forget to return your trays
And try to ignore my gum disease
No student can escape the magic of Lunchlady Land

Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders
Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders
Navy beans, navy beans, navy beans
Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders
Navy beans, navy beans
Meatloaf sandwich
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe

Well I dreamt one morning
That I woke up to see
All the pepperoni pizza
Was a-looking at me
It screamed, why do you burn me
And serve me up cold
I said I got the spatula
Just do what you're told
Then the liver & onions
Started joining the fight
And the chocolate pudding
Pushed me with all its might
And the chop suey slapped me
And it kicked me in the head
It's called revenge Lunchlady
Said the garlic bread
I said what did I do
To make you all so mad
They said you got flabby arms
And your breath is bad
Then the green beans said
You better run and hide
But then my friend sloppy joe came
And joined my side
He said if it wasn't for the Lunchlady
The kids wouldn't eatcha
You should be shakin' her hand
And sayin' please to meet ya
She gives you a purpose
And she gives you a goal
You should be kissin' her feet
And kissin' her mole
Now all the angry foods
Just leave me alone
And we all live together
In a happy home

Thanks to
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe

[Spoken]
Well me & sloppy joe got married
We got six kids and we're doing' just fine
Down in Lunchlady Land

A special invite i got
To a ballroom party today.
Do I look like a ballroomer,
I'm a filth **** dirt
Hard working man who plows his field.
I'm not meant for some fancy suit dancing.
Unless.
There's a fine poetry lady to dance with me
Then I'll be whatever the invite wants me to be.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
...Next Day...
(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom:



A **** has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an *******; his best friend is a *****, and his owner beats him habitually.

I might be a filthy old rat
At least i know what fun is
And these day's
Old Prune's forget to have fun.
Thats why their dead by forty.
Ill live to 100.

Good way to keep the
Neighbor away from your field........... Slipping rat poison in the next avocado he want's to steal from me.

Don't judge me by my farmer's beard
Don't judge me by my farming hand's
Don't judge me when your getting that judgement back
Don't judge me when your you I'm me, that's a gramps fact.
Don't judge me if youve never worked a day in your life
Don't judge me because I'm a little younger than my wife
Don't judge me if you have never met me
Don't judge me if you wanna play poker and bet me.
Don't judge me.
I'm a farmer.
The one who grows your food.
The one who made your land.

Gramp's can't sleep
Had to wake,
Take a ***.
Can't sleep.
Is it me,
Or the **** neighbor's flaunting
'Janie's got a gun' at 11:06 pm at night!
Maby the next door neighbor's would like a nice warm
Welcome..
With a real gun
My shotgun
With no Janie involved.
Just their favorite neighbor
Gramp's
Who can't sleep
Can't dump
Can't eat
Because I need sleep.
And the shotgun shell's are in my hand.
Good year for firework's again.
Just a scare will do them.
Just one big holed scare.

Someone called me a wild caveman today
Guess who that little voice was who told me that
My grand baby
What a treasure for gramps.
She is right
Im as wild as two baboons babooning in a room from a cheap
Hotel.
Im wild .

Trickle down
Rain rainy rain
Trickle poppers
Slippery membrane.
Slippy tickly beard
Prickly pear hair.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Quoted by George Carlin comedian

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got behind in his work.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used ****** and ask him which period it came from.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ****!

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?  I want you inside me!

Skippy hopper
One leg bopper
The wife's my shopper
Food for grasshoppers!
I will eat like a Piggie
Today when I eat some Piggie
Gonna have to digalig biggie
A hole
For the piggie
Bones

Back in the day they called it " gripping the duds"
Nowadays the little bits are nipped in the bud,
Protect your jewels their hanging doubloons,
They can squeeze like grapes, or get popped
Like balloons. Don't get a woman mad she will
Grip em for you. Protect your jewels, no ailment
With soothe. If you loose your dudsy buddies
You'll lose mankind to. But if you loose your
Peanuts, you always have left the hanging *******. Just
Don't let him out in public.,HEY ******! Put away that
******.

Pie pie
In the belly
Yummy crumbs
Oh no smelly

Took the corn from their places
Grampy wiped his dirted face
A towl and a handbag
Sanded desert of CA today
Buggy duning
Or Chevy tuning
Which seems more for me
Pleasurable their both sight's
For sore finger's

With grandpa's avocado farts
As in the days of moses
The red sea parts.
When grandpa gets a chuckle
I'm contagious
Pretty outrageous
Your naughty sincere uncle.
When gramps takes off his pants
Let's dance.

Tonight
The ***** time
Of soak and poke
And
Grandmam's
Is all mine.

In this farmhand garden
I spray out words
To be avocados.
Tomatoes. Anything green
Red or  yellow. A gaming
Meadow with me as its
Lyrical rancher. I pick out the bad
Roots to be made into weird clothing
And picnic lanterns.
Because you can't have a good picnic
Without the freshness of the growers
Garden..

It's complete euphony
Hearing memorable Melody's.

Remembering from the age
of five and up.

Ma' always warming my milk
with honey in the cup.

Ma' wanted best,
and showed what hard workin was!

Hard workin not slack, was the way her hands had become.

It's complete euphony, hearing her sweet talk before bed

Has it been that many years ago Ma', your sweet lullaby's said.

Been gone for a while
Lost my knack for words
The poet pipe used to be my crack
And I'd splice it with some herb.
But I lost the good vibration
That made me tic the keyboard tac
But some reason now I'm writing again
The youngin age is coming back.
I missed all my fellow typer's,
Penner's, grinners, ******'s
Writer's. Dont take ****** word wrong
Because trust me I'm a ****** to,
Hello out there my fellow poet
That's right, Gramps did miss you.
I've been enjoying the sun
Not trapped inside the hellopoetics cube
We all need some getaway time
To come back like a fresh flower
Renewed and refined. So for today
I inscribe my bloodlines time,
Because in time we record our being's,
Today I'm back to make fancy words
And tell you fanciful thing's.
Glad to see you, hello Mr and Mrs
Poetry, hope your doing well\
Gramps missed your typing keys.

How can I get my woman's clothes off
When I can't even manage
To get off my own
I feel as if I need a store dresser to undress me"
But who cares
Clothes or not
Gramps still does
What gramps has to do,
Even with his clothes
Still on.
Now that
Is accomplishing,
A task!

When your colon is swollen
Use a little milk of magnesia it will give you amnesia
To how sore your **** really is gonna be
Afterward's.

Today should be sunny
But 69 and cloudy,
Good day for plant picking
And digging,
The little avocado's are fresh and growing.
Tomatoes red
Juicy
Think I am gonna take me a bite
But from which,
The avocado,
Or the tomato.
Black mountain sounds mysterious today
A good hike Maby.
Maby a good venture-
If only my feeble leg's hold up.
Should I bring the goodsie bag
My goodsies are the avocado slices
While walking this green spinach trail

Some thing's can get a little hairy
A little scary
A little daring
blood-curdling are the little vermin
Who love to digest down my harvest.
How they got a surprise coming,
With the good winchester model 37.
Take the little vermin to creepy crawly heaven.

They grab our goods
They steal our land
They show off their
Tanks, with guns in hand.
They wear their Gear
Camouflage green and brown,
They practice open on the scene
Stealing young men's dreams,
They reap your harvest
And steal your ground.
They turn us against another
Claiming their right,
While taking farmlands
**** on cia demands.
Making secret laws
Behind your backs they will stand.
Here take this, here have that
You can slow yourself down
By getting dumb and fat.
Have some wine, here take a pill
Here's some McDonald's
Go have your fill.
Take our gmo's, it's alright it's okay,
We'll make you pay for you funeral the next day.
We don't care how you live or your ways.
What's yours is ours. And what's ours is ours.
Don't worry about working, we got jobs for you.
Work for uncle Sam, uncle Sam loves you.
Hey your sick, don't worry we got your care
We got doctors who take bribes, and give vaccines to **** your stare. We even got growth formula's to grow your no hair.
Theirs your smile, now your getting there.
Don't get mad, why are you crying, okay well give you a
Psychologist, just make sure your not lying.
Wait just a second, no reason to be mad.
We're your government, your big brother.
Dad.

Pick up the phone
Dial home- hey E.T on the line,
Does he like reese's. Maybe not now
But soon he will in time.

Diving for the seacrab taste
I'm getting hungry
No crab goes go waste
Crab hunter

If my time is to come
Then dog nabbit wrap me up
Like a rabbit in an old farmers coat
I prefer dickies.
I want to be warm
When my land gets stolen or sold
At least I won't sell my soul
Even if my land is taken
And I feel no more whole
I wanna be warm
Dog nabbit!
Not cold.
And gift wrap my banjo
Send it off to sea.
Let the sailers of the Pacific coast
Play sea songs
For me.

Tension builds on the western front
The Slopes moan in horrific altitude
Sorry to break the news.
Tension slaps the western
Face, the soil is moldy
The planets forming in ghastly trace.
Everyone knows it though noone sais it.
We're doomed, keeping a shotgun on the side keeping the suns
Memory in my mind, I've got a bunker, trust me, its better then bombs and gloom. I have come to the diddly widdly conclusion, I wont be trapped on the governments map, I won't be
In confusion. They'll bring us delusion, pin others against mothers, the west has seen this coming a long time comin. Lock and load boys, let the second amendment be kept to its name, light the matches, light the torches, darkfall will plague our land, were already plagued. Many things to be staged, farmhands are losing their lands, ranches are being stolen, golden tongues from hypocritical bums, will make some dumbed in conclusion. This old flesh will stay loosened, knock knock who's there? Gramps! Get out#theres noone here.

The gramps today feels somnolent
My gardens eminence is overseeing the weeds
A good cutting for the high grass today
Pesticides to get the bugs high
As I will spray spray spray
And **** those bugs away.
Languid little creepy-crawly's
Will get smallie
And fallie
Down the hole I created for them.

Sitting on the limp writin' stool

Rambling and thinkin'

To stay amused
Gramps has got the cramps
No chance for today's work piling up.

Chicks that flirt
Make sad boys hurt!

The older I get
The crazier I get.
I like the word crazy
Because I'm a crazy old coot.

I make a living, by farming and grit.
I make a living on crud and spit
Spit into the hands
Dirt on the shoe
A farmers hand playing the farmer blues.

Emollients are hard to come by
For this agronomy of my soil.
The hay is vague, the crops are spoiled.
I want, I toil, I quail the mail.
I'm tired, detailed, drawn as a
Pawn to the business grail.
My stool needs Emollient
My head needs painkillers.
Last nerves have got my words
My country and home
Needs a exfoliate !

Filthy, ******,
Who likes nutty buddy's?
Nutty bar you *****.

Grampys getting hungry
Maby I will eat me
Something runny
Or something funny
Maby backwoods bunny!

Didn't know the young man Mr ded poet I just like to say may you young man find peace in your needing time's.



Friend bill,

Gramps is like an old map
Just waiting to be discovered
Already got a wife mam
Back off
Or grandmammy
Will
Smack me!

Just heard bout young man who passed on from the word on the line being passed down well all I can say is I didint know young man to well but may your good heart rest young man as I saw everyone loved you.may his family get peace and may all remember him as he was the good dude he really was didint know him really but I can tell if I was dying I'd definitely have a man like that on my side. Rest easy young spirit poet

Take me to the province
Where the purple florets rest, take me to the purple
Where the province is the best. Take me to
Hurricane hill, the plateau there I'll get my fill,
Take me to the province
Where purple rains, purple quill's.

Take me to the satellite
That swirl's it's own thought's, thought's that swirl,
Satellite world's! Take me to the roundabout
I'll shout the purple top's!

Take me to the majesty, of friendliness
And the kind! Take me to the place to see,
A place not old and blind! Take me to
The purple field's where all is real I
Smell the peels, of Apple meals and
Caramel crumb's, baked good's-
Country love! Take me to the
Purple fields

Where old men's
Rest awaits!

Oakland today
Maby farthur north
I might go to Monterey
Maby go check out a l.a porsche

A fine earring you got their party pirate.
The pirate sais
Who needs earrings
When I got brass *****.