Dripping like liquor down the throat of a man who has never been loved,
Clinging to a reality sweeter than any of those attainable,
A semi-conscious turpentine,
Thicker than molasses,
And darker than coffee beans,
Cocoa butter lips and thighs,
White sheets,
Atoning for white lies,
Hawaiian Snow,
Mango Swishers,
Hearts encrusted in sea salt and gold,
I'll tie you to my bed posts,
So I feel less alone

With you there were no ends,
Only rolling memories,
Movie endings missed,
And series left unfinished,
Fostered by a fear of letting go,
And a love of holding on.
Holding your bare body in the heart of all seasons,
Switching positions, postal codes, and presumptions,
But never ending,
You were forever in a moment.
A love that refused to die,
Even forgotten memories served a purpose,
Setting scene for events that would soon unfold.
I love you so.

Please do not look at me with dead eyes,
My insides are already rotting,
In a parable of sweet immersion,
I just want your embrace,
I will remove the insects,
Let each crawl from my throat,
If you will just let me love you,
God,
Please don't leave me alone.

Lavender Destinies,
Buried deep in oak coffins,
Drizzled with the richest of honeys,
Fermenting like a deep, sweet wine,
Grinding deeply into a bitter reality,
Cocoa bean colored thighs,
Coupled with a love that caramelized like brown sugar,
Rooted deep in the very soil,
There was something so very empty about us,
Maybe it was loneliness,
Like a bitter fruit,
So empty and so alive,
The art of smoke,
A talent so vivid it is best seen in the dark,
Hearts softened like wax by the gentle light,
Cascading,
Such a harsh word for such a soft feeling,
Fireflies and twinkling embers,
That is your warmth,
Distant but full,
The ability to do nothing but freeze while the world burns.

He was an artist,
But his greatest works did not line cold white walls,
Or lay scattered among the odds and ends of a cluttered desk.
No,
They made themselves known in every breath he took,
In every slight move of hand,
And existed consistently in those chocolate eyes that glimmered with specks of honey and gold,
Love was no longer an emotion,
But every second I felt the touch of your hand,
Watched the shadows dance across your face,
Watched the smoke roll from your lips,
Love put on a suit that looked an awful lot like you,
I don't know if you realized,
But I kissed your forehead every morning before I left.
While you lay enraptured with a slumber that even produced works of art.

I crawled into your bed last night,
I may have paid for it but you owned every last fiber,
With the comforter astray,
The pillows stacked,
The windows open,
And the lights warm like they were on the night I first told you I loved you,
It was was your bed.
And this heart in my chest?
That was yours too.

And as the star lights twinkled,
I struggled to fall asleep in the cold air that reeked of your absence.
This was hell in a home,
And home was something I could only find in you.

You told me I was safe in the moment,
Right there in that moment,
With warm skin pressed against mine,
And the tears could not help fall,
Because for the first time I felt safe,
And for the first time I understood the hopeless desire to make a moment last forever.

And I believe that all of these cliches fall out of a thing I call love for you,
And I will not breathe them to a single person,
Because no one will understand how looking a man in the eyes and hearing him say he looks at you and feels nothing,
Can take your breathe away,
And maybe its because you found someone who also feels nothing when they look at you,
So similar in heart that they love you the way you love your own reflection,
Not at all on most days,
And a little less when smoke has filled your lungs, the room, and every void left by the prior excuses you attempted to call love,
That you make an excuse,
To look past every red flag,
To lose sight at the thought of a warning label,
And drop into the only void you can find that seems deeper than your own.

So when I ask you,
What is love?
It is not fire,
It is not the ***** I keep in the empty bottles that you leave,
It is not ******* through the tears,
It is emptiness.
It is knowing that I need you even though our love has never been worth a single ******* thing

I never forgot,
I could never forget,
Because you were and always will be my morning coffee,
You are cold hands and finger shaped bruises,
Two sets of bony hands intertwined,
You were just as much a part of me as you were in love with him,
You were every spider web thirsting and holding on to the morning dew,
The girl I loved was two bodies trying to fit in a space only meant for one,
You were beautiful,
Especially to me.
But you left,
You left cracks in the concrete,
You left your clothes unfolded,
You left all of your keys under the door,
Even the most durable flowers couldn't grow in the emptiness you left,
Please know I still watered them every day,
Even after you became the white paint pretentiously slapped over the graffiti we once painted,
A sea of green and blue,
You became everything we hated,
A soldier with few words,
I just couldn't fix you,
I cannot force the sun back into your eyes any more than I can tear my heart from my chest,
No,
That's something only you can do,
My impossible girl,
The only part of war that could hold my heart.