There is no such thing
Only the state
In which its awareness is lagging

Plastic wrap sealing her mouth
suffocation nearly pleases her
Black holes under water lines
singing herself to sleep
Thinking until she weeps
letting her hands grab her feet
Hugging her legs close to her chest
just to feel comfort
Just to put herself to rest
pillows talk to her
Carving a voice in her head
as she lays down
Cool air flows through the holes
of her ripped jeans
Scabby knees
like rigged bark on trees
Her blanket covers her
still feeling alone
Zero texts on her phone
where is she to go?
When her shoes are now torn
from running away from her
...*problems

Settle down black bird
Broken wings can be fixed and your songs will be heard
Sad souls can be kissed and your eyes won't be blurred
Happiness is missed so your frown will be cured
Settle down black bird
the world is just beneath you

i wonder if the doors in the house you grew up in
started slamming themselves to save your father the trouble.
i wonder if you can remember the last time you prayed,
and if you had trouble unfolding your hands.
i wonder if your mother knows
about the collection of hearts you hide in your closet,
i wonder if she could tell mine apart from the rest.
i wonder if your shoes know the reason why
you keep them by the back door and not your bedside.
and sometimes, i wonder
if you ever think about that night when i told you,
you wouldn't need to drink so much if you had me.
but it seems like we only speak when you've got body on your brain,
whiskey in your glass,
your judgement is overcast,
and you know i'm too weak to ignore you.
i learned how to translate your texts
from drunken mess back into english.
i am fluent in apology, but i don't ask you for them anymore.
this is just how it is.
it's not enough for either of us
but ******* it we are not above settling.
so i will ignore her name on your breath,
and you will ignore the fact that this means something to me.
i always thought the first time i kissed you,
it would be on your mouth.
i just wanted to be something warm for you to sink into,
something that could convince you to stay a second night.
but i sneak you out in the early morning,
and you take a piece of my pride with you when you go.
i am left to nurse the hangover from a wine i've never tasted,
wondering how this is possible.
waiting for the next drunk call,
for the next time i get to pretend we are lovers,
the next time i get to live out the fantasy i am most ashamed of.
it is the one in my head where you want me when you're sober too.

- m.f.

I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible and when I'm done with you. You will finally understand why storms are named after people.