I watch the raindrops fall,
But I notice you love,
You put up walls,
as soon as our feet,
They hit the ground,
The lightning strikes,
A booming sound.

They say that one is the loneliest number but,
I disagree for I don't enjoy being around people
I find happiness mostly in being with me.
It's where I can cry, and not be weak
Where I can be me, without being weird.
I will never be stupid when I'm alone.
I can trust I will be there when you will never be.
I don't like being with people.
People are mean they judge, they compete.
They think they know you at the first glance.
I often dream I'm far away,
where no one can hurt me because no ones there.
I feel nobody understands my emotions,
They're mine, and I seldom trust.
So few people know what goes on in my head and,
I plan to keep it that way because,
I don't like people.

So many times I've fallen,
only to gain another scar.
They say it just gets harder,
but thanks to yesterday,
i'm stronger today.
Even if its a tiny amount,
it's progress.

one for my grandma
two for my heart
Four  for memories that make me wanna restart

Five for the heart ache
Six for the pain
Seven for nights I spend laying awake

Eight  for the effort
Nine for the tears
Ten for years I've spent hiding in fear
And
Eleven for those that say I have no reason...

Body aching,
Heart racing,
Edrenalin rushing,
Feet flying,
Rain storming,
Sweat pouing ,
Mind racing!

And for what?
What am I running from?
My past?
Yes,
My past,
The one thing that haunts me.

It may be far away now,
But it's still here
Burning my very exsitance,
Hallowing me to the core.
My very core that has frozen over with time
I no longer feel

It doent matter if I'm dripping from the rain,
Or burnt from the sun
I have one mission
And that,
Is to run.

In a hushed tone you tell me the truth,
And I sit there and wait for the silence.
Because the silence is loud enough to cover,
To blanket, the tears that threaten to flow.
The silence is a slow motion picture into life.
The lies the truths the pain of others,
That is why most can't handle the silence,
The fear silence is to be afraid of yourself.
To be stuck inside your memories,
you cannot remember throughout the noise,
The noise of life.
even a heartbeat is loud enough,
On its own in the silence.
the dark silence that secretly covers some,
It makes them become hallow,
Not who they once were, and some of them,
Never wake up to the light, the noise, the feel.
So I wait for the silence to prove to myself,
That I've won the war between it and me.
In that same hushed tone as before you repeat,
And again I wait, this time only for a moment,
Then I smile and tell you " it will be okay,
Because you will win."

she gave me a simple choice;
really she gave me a chance to restart.
finally could escape my chains,
the chains of anger that held me for so long.
A perfect escape where no one knew my face;
somewhere that could finally be a home.
A simple choice with a simple answer.
I knew what I wanted to say,
but I also knew what I needed to say,
so with tear filled eyes I gave my simple answer...

*no

Surrounded but alone
Strangers that I know
Lost in the white noise
Never ending crowds swarm
Besides them I dissapeer
Sinking into myself
My life wrapped up in a grey fog
My memory's soaked from the tears i've cried
Everyone I love says goodbye
It's made me tough
As though my hearts calloused
So I trudge on with the pool of faces
Never do I speed
never do I slow
But inside me I know
Theres no happy there's no sad in my world
You won't understand
So I'll continue to be the me you wanna see
But inside i will Always be
Surrounded, but alone

If I could have one last dance,
To the time of the grass,
And the light of the moon,
The fog surrounding
And a cool frost forming on my skin.
I would wonder what love meant in terms of life.
How could one love something that hurts them?
Maybe that's only my experience with it.
I wonder, as my feet cross the floor in your lead
If I well someone like me could be loved.
Though I know never by you.
It would be nice if my last dance was with you.
But now I have no more time to wast apon you.
I must keep in time with the music of life.
To make sure I don't trip over my self in a blunder.
With everyone watching I keep my form.
They all believe I know what I'm doing,
And that's the true beauty in the act of deception,
The act of life in general,
So while you watch in awe at my pure happiness,
I'm secretly planning my last dance with life.

In the end
I convinced myself
I wasn't worth the tears
~
So instead of crying
I smiled
~
And fooled them all

Sing the worries away
Stay out of the past refrain
The clouds will depart
My heart will start
pounding it's same old tune

Dance away the night
Because by then
I won't remember our fight
My eyes will lighten
My smile brightens
My troubles melt away

Paint the world through your eyes
Each stroke a beautiful surprise
My soul becomes feathers
Now and forever
A giddy spirit in me

Write away your sorrows
For a better tomarrow
An optimistic person is me
From the pain filled chains
My heart Is set free

To me
Things like these
make it better...

If I tell you something,
Will you listen?
Or will you bat your eyes,
Nod along,
Pretending.
Pretending to care,
About what I say,
What I do,
And who I am.

If I tell you something
Will you feel my pain?
Cry like I have?
Keep it locked away like me?
Will you care about me?

If I tell you something
Will you lie?
Will you tell everyone?
With your cold eyes,
Will you watch me unravel like thread,
Leaving my heart and me for dead.

If I tell you its a secret,
It's because I can't trust the outcome.
Im afraid to tell you anything
So I'll lock my secrets away for no eyes to see.
Because to get into a vault,
You need a key.
Trust.

It's weird
how you that cares not about my feelings
knows exactly how I feel
It's weird
That you who calls me ugly but
We have the same face
It's weird
that we could be sisters but
Later on act like strangers
It's weird
That I still love you
Deapite what you've done
To me we
Are weird