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I wish for silence
I wish for peace
I want you all to be silent
I don't want to hear you any more.
I feel awashed with voices talking at once.
SHUT UP
I'm begging please just one night of peace.
I don't want to care
I don't want to lay my heart bare
I don't want to bare my soul
SHUT UP
I'm sorry your dead
I'm sorry you left things unsaid
I'm sorry they can't see or hear you
**Just get out of MY HEAD
© JLB
28/07/2014
Every Sunday without fail,
my father would set about getting us on the
family visiting trail.
A picnic was packed, along with our macs,
(Just in case of the rain) and into the car
we were packed.
A beautiful drive through winding roads,
over a bridge that made your tummy lurch,
onwards, to the Pen-y-Fal psychiatric hospital.

The Tudor Gothic style hospital loomed large to a
child in a car. Like a silent waiting beast from afar.
A Charming gathering of gables and chimneys,
disguised the interior of quite simply "the madhouse".
Set in grounds of 75 acres, patients played bowls, cricket,
and croquet. I thought the people and the grounds magical.
There was this secret place with adult children,
smiling, and talking to the trees, knowing of fairies,
I never heard their pleas.

As I grew older, I grew bolder, the same Sunday jaunt,
to our familial haunt, but now I was an explorer.
I was allowed in. In to the centre of the Gothic beast.
Green tiled, with brown heavy doors, antiseptic smell
that clung to every pore and cell of you. Stark walls,
scrubbed nurses, white coated Doctors and thuggish orderlies.
And after your eyes took in those sights, your nose that smell,
the noise crashed into you. Moans, cries, wails and pleas.
The sound of a thousand lost minds.

My aunt was one of the lost.
She never went home again.
She never visited her children.
She never visited her eleven siblings.
She stayed, stayed with her friend Pearl.
Who once told me I had Vivienne Leigh eyes.
She stayed with the randy Italian, the piano player,
the Downs people given to that 'hospital', that smell, that Hell.
She was in the belly of the beast.*

The Grade II Listed Building has been converted into luxury accommodation now, but would you sleep there?
© JLB
25/07/2014
1851-1996
12 initial wards
210 initial inmates
1881-83 an epileptic ward was built
Between 1851 and 1950 over 3,000 patients died at the hospital.
Pen-y-Fal Hospital it held up to 1,170 patients at its peak.
Tonight you left me breathless
You grabbed me by my hair stared,
then kissed me deeply.
You tethered our lips and my soul followed.

As we interlaced our bodies,
I wondered where you'd gone.
My husband, so gentle and caring,
had taken me by surprise.

Your eyes normally closed for a kiss,
blazed and made me crave more.
You broke away from our pleasure
Leaving me altogether undone.

Who was this man? I'd seen you daily
yet here before me was a new being.
I felt a slave to your passion
British men don't kiss like that!!

Night heat, sweat, and alcohol
lifted the veil of lace from my eyes
you, were now my possessor
I your possessed.

Turning forty had made you an aggressor
And, we the transgressors of the night
Breathlessly I managed to stutter
"You don't kiss like this"

As I shuddered you replied
"Yes, I ******* do "
And continued with your displays.
My body, the storyteller of our pleasure.
For my husband who turned 40, and kissed me like Colin Firth from Brigitte Jones' diary!
© JLB
25/07/2014
Slide to unlock you command
I do so with a sleight of hand
Enter passcode you demand
I press four digits, and up pops your brand.

I check my apps, play some games,
Update, mail, and Facebook old names
Shuffle my music, delete and reply
All the while asking myself "why?"

I'm a consumer gone mad.
The world turns and I'm sad
People die every day, in such horrific ways,
Yet I slide and unlock, and do as commanded.

After all I'm a human re-branded.
© JLB
23/07/2014
Woman born with a
Hope filled soul
Openly emotional and

Individually complex

Atypically childless yet,
M**other to man.
© JLB
21/07/2014
Do you feel strong now?
Do you feel different?
Do you see him lying by you?
Do you remember his name?
Are you happy now?

Happy, you woke in a different bed?
Do you feel empowered?
Powerful by that lie, forsaking your marriage bed?
Did you find yourself with him in you?
Your nails ripping his back.

Did you find him different to the man who gives you his all?
Or the same as any man?
Any shame? Did you come with love?
Did you scream the right name?
Are you happy now?

Did you remember his vows to you? Yours to him.
Do you remember writhing? Screaming? Scratching?
Pouring with sweat and lust.
Did you see him as you clung to the other?
Did you feel dishonest? Unclean?

Multiple questions go with multiple *******.
You have to answer them in time.
But, for now collect your clothes off the floor, slip quietly out the door, and remember how this started; with a row,
And ask "Are you happy now?"
© JLB
22/07/2014
I am drunk
why do they say as a skunk?
I've never seen a drunk skunk
I've never seen a skunk.
I'd like to see the sea with a skunk.
Go sailing, drink ***, look for mer skunks and then say: 'me and the skunk were drunk'
That would be funking good drunking!
© JLB
18/07/2014
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