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 Jan 2018 Abdullah Ayyash
Cné
Climbing on the bus
Not looking forward to this trip
But it meant so much to her  
And how could I predict

That it would be her last hurrah
Before she passed away
Just one year ago marks
The anniversary of that day

It was an annual trip, with her twin
They took to different cities
With a group of old church folks
They called themselves
“The Traveling Gypsies”

As it turned out to be
My last fond memory
Of my mother and her twin
Before they were stripped
Of all their memories

Alzheimer’s was their reward
They gave it quite a fight
Bed ridden in their final days
Until they saw the light

Who's to say how it will end
Or where that place will be
A gutter in the streets of life
Or home where it should be

So as I sit and contemplate
These moments I recount
I think about the road ahead
And how I’ll make it count
My mom and her twin sister both had Alzheimer's. My mom was significantly more progressed than my aunt's. My aunt acted as my mom's caretaker long after we had them both moved to a memory care facility. They both did well there for about 6 months. Then my mom became aggressively depressed and crying all the time. At that time, they both had a bad sinus infection at the same time. My mother recovered but was still crying and complaining she couldn't breathe. However doctors could not find any ailments in her. My aunt ended up getting pneumonia. While in the hospital they discovered and diagnosed her with stage 4 terminal lung cancer. She died 4 months later with the last month being bed ridden, hardly eating until she was nearly only bones and on a breathing machine. My mom and her twin were always connected in the weird twin way ... knowing things between them, beyond normal comprehension. We all believe my mom knew (not in a cognitive way but in her own twin way) before diagnosed that her twin was going to die. None of us expected her to live much longer than her twin. They both had long life forces even crippled with cancer and Alzheimer's. My aunt Lorea (other mother) died Oct. 27, 2016. Up until that point my mother could still walk, talk, eat and recognize me and my siblings. However after she lost her twin she could no longer walk requiring much more individual care. We moved her to a residential home care facility. They worked really hard to try and revive her willingness to live. It wasn't a conscious choice to give up because with Alzheimer's your brain doesn't work right. She lasted less than 3 months after the death of her twin. It was heartbreaking, to say the least, to witness. I rejoice her being reunited with her twin and my father and free of the confinement of Alzheimer's but I'm still working through the finality of it on the earthly side. Growing up as a child of twins is a blessing of having two moms (one being the cool mom ... the mom you could tell anything to .. knowing she would know how to explain it to your real mom in a way you couldn't bring yourself to do) and a sister cousin, my aunt's daughter. I had an older sister (10 years) too. So in my case I had three moms I love dearly. I am grateful to still have my sister.
 Jan 2018 Abdullah Ayyash
Cné
Moon
 Jan 2018 Abdullah Ayyash
Cné
immersed in the sea
a sphere of passion glitters
as the tide appears
There it is... the road.
the road to a new year
ready for us to take our
first steps into all it's
possibilities Of prosperity

Yet, we must keep in mind
spectators await by the roadside
Some to root us on our way and
some to pretend as they hide obstacles
in the pathways of our journeys

We'll travel mountains of trials
and valleys of tribulations that will
build our faith and strengthen
our determination

There it is... the road
the road to a new year of
lessons to learn from and
opportunities for us to forgive
and be forgiven and to mend broken
families and friend's fences

There it is...the road
The road to a new year with
twists and bends and dead ends

Loved ones we'll gain
and some, sadly we'll lose.
but with authentic love and
understanding we'll help each other
get through.

There it is...the road
the road to a new year
less than a day ahead of us

There'll be choices for us to make
that'll lead us to chances to Do
and Be better, than we were
the previous year.

I pray we all make the right ones
and be blessed throughout the year.

 ©cj

Happy New Year!
 Dec 2017 Abdullah Ayyash
Eudora
Release the thoughts
and daunting images,
from the prison of this mind.

Allow peace,
trust and faith,
to remedy these exhausted breaths.

Knead sincerity,
wisdom and positivity,
into this growing passion.

Efface the insecurities
and depressed inner voices
from this feeble self.

Fuel this heart
with goodness, patience,
strength and kind selfless love.

To keep going and living,
one day at a time

*as the earth takes another trip around the sun.
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