"You need to get out of the house"
"Come over I miss you"
"Let's go do something"
"You stay inside all day. That's not healthy"

They have no idea what's happening to me
They don't know why I shut them out

The cuts on my legs remind me of prison bars
& make me think I'm a prisoner in my own mental state

"You'll come visit us at school right?"
"Don't forget about football games"
"Everyone will love to see you"

They have no idea that I can't come back
They don't know that I'm leaving soon

I havnt told a soul about the hospital visits
Or the thoughts in my head

"Let's go swimming"
"You're getting pale lets go tanning"
"This bikini would look so cute on you"

They have no idea why I can't wear bathing suits
They don't know why I can't go swimming

The marks on my skin would shock them
& I don't need a reminder of how crazy I am

They have no idea

Today I ended it
I left him

He told me he loves me
& didn't want to be without me

But I can't do it
I can't let him in

So like a turtle
I'll hide back in my shell
& shut out the world

I leave in 43 days
For the hospital & forced medications

& I know this is poorly written
But I feel like I lost myself

I can't do this anymore
I don't know what to do

So now I sit
In this hospital room

"Thank god they saved you"
People keep telling me

& I fake a smile
Because I was so close

& I text all your friends
& ask how you are

I just need to hear
something
Anything
Please

Just talk to me
Because I can't live without you anymore

I miss my other half
& my best friend

My legs are covered in band aids
& my eyes are puffy from tears
& my hands are shaking
& my body is pale
& my heart misses you

So just one message
Please

I need you

I'm just so sad
& I miss you so much

But I'm used to this pain
& you don't need me anymore

So I'll cut a little deeper
& you'll continue your life

Because I'm dying slowly
& you're perfectly happy

& I'm sorry I couldn't be
What you wanted all along

Because I'm not a perfect person
But I love you so much
& I'm just sorry

Stay away
It feels like yesterday
Lies are all I say

You were heart broke
I was heartless
You thought you might choke
I thought far less

Incase you were wondering
Or maybe still caring
My heart never came
I have you to blame

I can't love
By the Lord above

You now have 2.0
I would know

Is easy to be better
Then a creature from a gutter
So please let your heart flutter
And find your souls other

It's too late for me
I'm a romance tragedy
So just let me be
Be a nobody

Die die die
The voices whisper

But I ignore them
& keep going on my way

Die die die
They say louder

But I just begin to walk faster
They won't win

Die die die
They're screaming now

I begin to run
I don't want to die just yet

Die die die
They scream every second of the day

But once I start running
I won't stop

17 years old
& I refuse to let these voices win

I'll keep running until they give up
Even if it's forever

Die die die
They scream

No I don't want to
I scream back

I've beaten the voices
They won't win

I've finally won this race
& my life is my trophy

My special blanket
It covers my mind

I'm used to my blanket
Like a small child I carry it everywhere

My mind is a dark place
But my blanket makes it not too bad

There was a time it wasn't there
& it was a nice break

But that was just a break
A holiday

Time to get back to work
My blankets in charge

It tells me when to eat, never
It tells me when to sleep, all the time

My blanket used to give me breathing room
But now, its suffocating me

My blankets choking me
& I've stop struggling

My mind has put the blanket in total control
I shut down

I push everyone away
Even the boy I love

I know it kills him
To see me this way

But my blankets my minds dictator
It calls the shots

I love you, I promise
But this blanket will **** me in the end

Like a blanket of snow
My depression covers me

& I've let it win