Quiet down my dear heart
And let your silence call him into your chambers

I crave intimacy
Not the type that subconsciously comes to mind -
The connection
Between one soul,
To another  
Bleeding pure, genuine
Devotion.
I crave fidelity
An enduring exchange
I don't want to be physically touched;
I want to feel my internal organs
Spark.
I want to embrace it  
Savoring every moment

i know i was just a chapter in your book, but you are the title of mine.

the hardest part was probably when i had to return your toothbrush.
you had bought it months ago, it was probably time to replace it anyways, but bagging it up and placing in that ****** little box felt so different.
it was everything i dreaded. quick, swift, clean. your boxes made it
look like someone was moving, and you were. your drawer was emptied, my doors were closed.
in that moment I sobbed. I was breaking myself down over something so very small, something so seemingly insignificant. I pitied myself until you had the heart enough to pretend to.
but instead, you broke me down into shards sharper than glass, and watched my bleed on the hardwood floor, desperately trying to piece myself back together while you watched. my hands bled, my knees shadowed, bruising deep purples and blacks. you snickered. you loved the way I'd run back, my heart on my sleeve. and you loved to crush me again. without you I am lost, and you know it, too.

i spent my life trying to please
someone with a twisted disease
i broke myself down
and tucked my feelings away
to become the person
they wanted me to be
i let myself be watched
through the glass of a two sided mirror
of a sociopath
i wallowed my spirit away
and begged for acceptance
but there’s nothing in the world
that i could do
to let the narcissist know
that i am human too

It feels impossible
to escape these relentless feelings
of worthlessness.
I feel as I am already
6 feet under
everyone else,
and I have been trampled, and suffocated
to nothing, beneath my own doubt
and judgment.

It feels inevitable and true
I want to quell what I give as fuel
How I view myself when I’m with you
-
And it’s hard it’s hard
Its hard it’s so
Hard to be around you
But it’s harder not to