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Ashley Chapman Oct 2017
I come face-to-face with my Shadow
hungry
devouring
depraved.

The lupine
before a full hunter moon
bristles.
Hot saliva
falls
from hurtful pointed rows
in pearls.

This
in Goodge Street Station's
Underground
where a poster
promotes
The Hunger
a page-turner

The Clown in Soho:

3 Chocolate Martinis
4 lagers
1 gram of *******
300 press-ups
7 mile run and
1 sachet of Kamagra

… the night begins …

I howl with delight
- that’s me -
cracks open
a smile
yellow eddies swirl
in thrawl
to that shadow beast o’ mine.

This monstrous
I
can never satiated be --
a beast to straight jacket under the influence of the waning and waxing moon
and on the night of the carmine moon
release

My phone rings
(Excuse me, while I take this).
‘Hello, am I speaking to Ashley?’
‘Depends on who’s asking,’
I respond
licking my lips.
‘You Ashley Chapman?’
I like this kind o’ game.
‘Like I said,
who’s asking?’
Frustrated he repeats, ‘Confirm your name.’
I yawn and tell him as savagely as I can:
'No!'
Wolves
know 'no'
to the pack.

But as in Beauty and the Beast
(the Cocteau 1946 version, of course)
beneath that thick molting hair pelt
beasts have culture
and feelings, too
(a lion's heart?)
and mostly
(occasionally not)
given
space
food
The Den
a willing mate (or two)
we’re okay
affectionate dogs.
For when all is well with my shadow
-- no problem
   in peace
   in chains
'til the looped moon!
Kamagra is apparently a form of ******.

Disclaimer: I have to to say that some of the things alluded to in this poem, such as ******* (or Kamarga) in no way form a part of my reality. This is a poem and reflects only a meditation on the nature of BEING, not necessarily who I actually am or how I live my life, although I acknowledge being a thirsty fool!
The notes and first draft for this poem came about a while back in 2015 when I attended a course on Shamanism at the Institute of Psychic Studies in South Kensington and was asked by my teacher to pick a card from a tarot deck to explore the Shadow side of my nature. I picked the wolf -- to my horror! And was asked to write what this meant for me. On the way home I came across the poster in the Underground and a  first draft was completed.

Thanks for reading.
I have been too long in the world.

I am frayed at my edges
chipped
cracked and broken in places

I have been too long in the world.

Have listened too long to the
THOU SHALT NOTs
the
I WANT IT ALL MY WAYs
the
IT'S MY RIGHTs
and I have let them dry the lake of my soul
with their drains and siphons

I have been too long in the world.

I shall use the golden joinery
of the Japanese art
to honor my frayed edges
weave a golden, or silver, or platinum
thread through them
fill my cracks and broken places with lacquered metals

I have been too long in the world.

other edges, smashed to smithereens,
will be left as they lay
jutted, stiff
while the softened, smashed powder from them
I'll keep in a medicine bag
and mix it, as needed, with my blood
stirred into a salve, a queen of healing

I have been too long in the world.

my thousand-times-broken heart
repaired and repaired and repaired
and re-paired
I will wrap like the gift it is
with the gold of Love
while laughter falls from it
salve regina


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater
  Oct 2017 Ashley Chapman
Jon York
Fifty years, a lifetime for some, but for me,
a blink of an eye, as true love is the ripe fruit
of a lifetime, and the years have seemed to
me but a few days for the love I have had
for her, like great love, lives on, and on

I love you more today than yesterday and
our love, forever warm, and still to be enjoyed,
forever panting and forever young and in the
light and warmth of love, our life grows strong
and comely, a better dwelling, nor a sweeter
I  never found, knowing that the heart  that
has truly loved never forgets and loves on to
the close.

No matter what beauties I saw on my way
back to you; they are but visits, but you are
my home and chance cannot change my love,
nor time impair, knowing that love beyond
the world cannot be separated by it, as great
love lives on, and on.

Let us tend love's fire until the end knowing
that youth is but an hour, beauty a flower,
but love is the jewel that wins the world, and
as age enriches true love, these five words I
swear to you; I'll be there for you, and know
that I'd live and die for you, but my words
can't say what love can do, and as you breathe,
I want to be the air for you.

Somewhere there waits in this world of ours
the crowning glory of loving and being loved
and what is earth, with all its art, poetry, and
music worth---compared with love found and
kept, and defining love as two souls in one,
two hearts into one heart, and saying that he
is not a lover who does not love forever.
                                                        ­   Jon York    2017
  Oct 2017 Ashley Chapman
Lost Boy
I have not slept
For a year my love
My eyes sore
From the thoughts of you...
And I fear if I close them
For a simple minute
I'll lose the memory
That I have of you...
Those black curls tumbling down
The side of your perfect face
That laugh echoing
A beautiful melody
Through those soft lips
How could my heart resist
A temptation quite like this?
And so I'll be cursed
Never to sleep
Forevermore drowning
In the thoughts of you.
The only question
I'll ever ask at my death bed
Would be if you ever truly loved me too?
Lyrics to an old song of mine.. enjoy
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